Warning: This post contains language and
dramatized situations not suitable for children. Viewers discretion is
advised. Oh. And its ****ing long for no reason.
Alright, so I invited about 4 of my friends over to go canoeing with
me. Sounds nice so far, right? Ahem..so I put a silly little sailor
hat, get my oars and life jacket and im ready to lead this
mother****ing party! We step in the water, start pushing the cannoe out
and WOAH its like..cold. Pshh thats ok..we dont mind..we are
SO, as the story continues..I, like I said, am the leader (I know how to pump up a crowd..yeah Jacquie doesnt do the rowing).
Me and three of my girl friends plus my sister and I are in one canoe,
and my dude friend I invited along is in the Kayak. So we are pushin
along, im leading my crew in a few light hearted and totally improvised
in the moment songs I made up; of course about Mr. Kayak man. These
were not happy songs, oh no. These were more of friendly competetive
songs aimed towards Mr. Macho Kayak man.
My songs of "YOU SUCK" didnt go down well with Mr. Kayak Man ...he,
although way ahead of us, turned his little kayak around and rammed us
fullspeed a new one. Oh dear lord! My crew was falling apart right
before my eyes I had to think quick! The boat was a-rockin due to the frantic panic of my dear crew. Alas..I couldnt salvage them it was too late...THE CANOE STARTED SINKING BELLY UP LIKE THE TITANIC! Bastard!
It was only till then that I realized..that it was at least a solid 60
degrees in the water and 70 degrees above..you may be muttering to
yourself "Psshh..60 degrees? Thats not that cold you big baby" And
youre only half right..we prefer to be called "Pansy Floridians", thank
you very much. But moving on..60 degree water truly feels like 30
degrees in that situation ! Plus your body temperature is like 98 degrees..a 30 degree drop within seconds isnt exactly fun no matter who you are ! Anyways though, we were a good 100 yards (lololol all that and only 100 yards) away from the nearest dock. We were too cold to flip the canoe back over..so I did the captainly thing and PADDLED MY ASS AND JUMPED ON THAT MOFO FOR MYSELF! EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF MAN!
checked to see if my poor damp crew was alright.. Then..climbed up on
that capsized canoe like a quick ****er..you know..for strategic
measures and what not <__<!
Anyways, Ill save you the details since Ive drawn this out long enough.
Basically in a nutshell Mr. Macho Kayak man ended up being our
savoir..pulling all our asses 100 yards to dock with the canoe dragging
behind him ! It took probably 10 minutes..but at last we were saved we all took a wonderful orgy shower together afterwards and everyone lived happily ever after.....in the shower.
•Moral of the story: Jacquie should not go canoeing let alone be left in charge as captain ! Oh.. and orgy showers truly do fix all tragedies.•
Yay for long drawn out stories that could have been shortened to two
sentences. >__> I like writing an over dramatic novel.