xByxBlood+Tears

xByxBlood+Tears wrote on Apr 16th, 2008 at 5:46pm : hey, whats up?

Nothing much you?

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Just begin to read at the bottom comment, then itll make sense.

And the last verse has a bit more potential, it seems like the last two lines especially the very last line are forced, like you didn't really put a big effort in there, you just wanted to finish it up.

Lastly I'd say all in all its not a bad piece, but the first part set higher standards than you could keep in the last part.

Here a link to mine
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.ph p?t=833747

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Hey, well as you said, just a bunch of verses thrown together. The piece doesn't have a solid end/path in mind. At the beginning (1st an 2nd verses) there seems to be progression but then it just starts to kind of hang in mid air with really nowhere else to go.

I love this line the most, nice expression.
"now I swear im a damned jail cell in hell."
and the second verse is also really good, but yeah, then theres a bit of a downhill with a few bumps up in the air here and there.

"'Cause my could not get any worse"
And this must be a typo otherwise it just doesn't really make any real sense. mine?

"I'd like to see you walk a day in my shoes
I know you would crumble and die
I just whish that you only knew,
What its like to live my life."
Okay, this verse is a repeat of itself, the last two lines is exactly the same as the first line?

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Hey man, I just did a crit on your piece and when i was finally done you must have deleted it or some thing, cause it was gone. So I couldn't post my crit. Put it back up?

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