Sometimes, you will meet people. They will be unreasonably, ridiculously shitty and you will wonder how they ever came to be, how they live with themselves. It will make your head hurt. And then you'll realize, it doesn't matter; you're just as shitty in some other way. But only if you're smart.
I make a motion to demand that all urinals around the world be revised to achieve a more optimal design.
There is a serious flaw in too many urinals everywhere today. The inside of a standard urinal consists of a smoothed porcelain which presumably is there to allow fluids to flow freely without splashing of any kind. However, many urinal designs seem to overlook the importance of a stream's initial contact. Too many urinals neglect to provide surfaces on which the stream can strike at an acute angle and thus minimize, or even completely eliminate, splashing. Many of those that do manage to provide such surfaces either render it useless by having the angled surface end abruptly (such as in rectangular urinals, in which the sharp angle formed by the sides and the back plate of the urinal create a critical splashing point), or simply are not generous enough in terms of the surface area of the optimally angled surface.
It might have been thought that one could just happily urinate with the aim directed squarely at a surface of the urinal nearly perpendicular to the flow of the stream, with but only minor splatter, but the problem can be amplified to terrifying degrees according to the urgency of the stream-letting. It is most definitely not fair to ask the suffering individual to turn down the flow to avoid splashing because it is a matter of life and death.
Therefore, I insist that all new urinals henceforth be crafted with a well-rounded bowl shape to cut down on splashing from as many angles as possible. Sharp angles in the construction of the interior of the urinal should be banned. Any existing public restrooms containing urinals plagued with the aforementioned problem should be closed down immediately for adequate replacements.
A movie character, possibly an ex-military politician, who returns all missed calls by first yelling "I was taking a shit!!" Ideally played by J.K. Simmons.
Earphones that press stop when you take them out of your ears.
Shadow Gallery Circus Maximus Testament Pain of Salvation Urgehal Secrets of the Moon Tom Waits?? Bond Naglfar Susperia To-Mera Be'lakor Rotting Christ Deathstars Zonaria Nightrage
It's all a grand joke, has been all along I live vicariously through your trials
Every up and every down, every smile and sorry frown
Part of a sordid soap opera for a weary idol.
But of course you cannot know
Where oh where would the passion go?
Then what fun would it be, such an ultimate play to see, Violated by the actor's awakening?
So with the power vested in me by myself I hereby condemn you to play the part
Flesh out your dreams, form the rising action
and put on a good show when they crumble to naught.
If you should despair, please don't retire
Remember what I've said and heed the actor's call
Don't lose heart, keep feeding my fire, 'cause...
No matter what you do, it still means fuck-all.
And I will continue to quietly hate every one of you by default until you are able to convince me that you deserve different. Otherwise, I will have no pity on you for any reason whatsoever. I will regard the hot ones as sex objects and the ugly ones as worthless scum. You are all in the negative, and you are all going to have to do shit just to get to zero. Because I've learned that one can never be too careful about these things.
I've noticed that on occasion, there will be a post (news article or forum post or otherwise) which attracts much more attention from all points of view than usual. It's the kind where you'll have two quite easily discernible "sides," and also the high-riding, politically correct, excessively polite losers who try to break up the so-called argument with an intelligently worded but completely dumb and/or pointless comment. For example, if the post in question is about a certain band, one will say they suck, one will refute, and another will want a virtual group hug. I've personally decided to dub this phenomenon the "FOB Forum Post" to honor the shitty band responsible for bringing said phenomenon into prominence.
Metal shows make me hate people. I'm not particularly tall or built; I'm an Asian guy of average Asian height. So naturally at shows I get owned by all the tall white people and huge Mexicans. But that's beside the point, which is that people are annoying. I'm watching Amon Amarth kick ass on stage and all is well when all of a sudden a forceful ripple of filthy bodies shoves me in the face and almost drops me to the floor. Then the crowd around me gets rearranged and I've lost the tiny hole between heads that I've been watching the freaking bassist through. So now I'm mashed even more tightly between smelly sweaty sticky bodies, and I can't see anything. Then the band really kicks the energy up a notch and the guy and girl next to me start headbanging wholeheartedly, whipping her long hair in everyone's face like she's the star. I'm trying to enjoy the show, so I move off into the corner away from them and guess what I find? A goth chick with glasses doing the most hardcore windmill headbang ever. She doesn't stop until the entire song ends. Then when the next song starts, she goes at it again. I'm surprised her glasses don't fly off into the crowd. She wasn't really bothering anyone because she was off in the corner, but what kind of dumbass pays thirty dollars to listen to some music with their head flinging around? Can't you do that shit at home? I pay to watch the band play songs.
I have a theory: mosh pits became popular because people at metal concerts were pissed at each other for being disgusting and inconsiderate. It wasn't the metal that made me want to mosh, it was the people around me. Some of them, anyway.
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vIsIbleNoIsE's blogs, last updated : December 13, 2009
