I'm just a simple guy, really. I'm a simple guy with simple tastes, like toasted Brie cheese with a nice poached pear in a wine reduction sauce.
I'm simple like a bottle of Highland Park 40 year single malt.
I'm simple like a blueberry-cardamom applesauce with chunks of fresh tropical mango.
I'm simple like a chocolate pudding pie, with a graham cracker crust, creme anglaise and a salted caramel sauce.
I'm simple like a homemade pizza of fresh whole grain dough thrown perfectly with an even layer of caramelized onion infused oil, fresh basil tomato sauce, onion, freshly grated cheddar, and mozzarella.
I'm simple like Mozart.
I'm simple like a Rothkoe (okay, this one doesn't really work).
But when it all comes down to it, I'm just like you. Only better in most conceivable ways. I enjoy playing with Eva, my partner. She is a lovely and lively satin red Guild True American DCE1. I enjoy Lucy, my black partner, because I'm not a racist.
But even though I'm better than you, I wish I wasn't. It's a curse. And so, to alleviate my burden, I'm here to help. So ask away, you tired and poor, you huddled masses. I'm here for you.