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TBonnaa (2)
Symphonica (2)
Thursday, February 24, 2011

Where to stand?

Current mood: aggravated

Views: 332
Comments: 1

I'm a student.

A student who has iffy grades. All over the map. D's in Math and English. A's in History and Japanese. I can't take on too many classes at once.

I'm actually really intelligent. Grades don't represent actual intelligence, you know. If they did, I would have 127%. I know a lot of things. My thinking process is very speedy, I'm good at games like Scattergories and Scrabble. I know CPR, emergency medicne, I speak English, Japanese and I'm learning Dutch, I'm good at grasping ideas and realizing how processes happen and how things opperate. And I have an excellent vocabulary.

I also have depression. There's a shocker. .-. Most teens do.

The two things that make me forget about it? Being around people that aren't family, and music.

When I was thirteen, I wrote this song called error. One of the lines said

Music, my only cure/exhausted and so unsure

Now I know school is important, but High School at the moment is a waste of time. Really. This generation of teenagers are the dumbest, and it shows. All people really care about is their social status. I want to actually do something, but I get caught up and tangled in other people's messes. Alternative high school? Didn't get in. Homeschooling? doesn't work. GED? Mother won't allow it.

I just want to buy a van, put my guitar, keyboard and cello in it, and drive around. You know, have the window rolled down, the wind in my face, sport a pair of aviators, paint my van all sorts of beautiful colours, perform and live for what I am. A musician.

But life doesn't go like that. I'm 15 years old, I can't even drive yet. My maturity is way ahead of those around me. 

I live in a hippie town. Not only are my friends sortof really unintelligent, they do drugs as well. I don't. They're sitting on eachother's laps at lunch, not eating, laughing and connecting. And what do I do? I sit in this little room, the only room with a piano, and I sing.

5:34 am - 1 comments - 4 Kudos - Report!
Symphonica wrote on Apr 8th, 2011 5:01am

I've had similar dreams, but mine end up a little more desolate as strapping my classical to my back, and running off somewhere far. Sobriety is something that people lack in my town as well. To go with that statistic is a decent suicide rate. There's just nothing to do here. All of my friends stand in the hall and talk about stupid shit, I'm practicing guitar or jamming with the occasional friend that stops by or uses my talents for some sort of project. One of them told me I'm the best guitarist they know today, but it's really hard to see myself as good. I really just feel that most people are bad, and I rarely exclude myself from that classification. As for the class dropping, the friend who wished me the compliment today is also angry at me for dropping my Anthro/Psych/Sociology today for vocal music. But what can I say, it'll make my mornings a lot brighter. Sorry for the rant, but I realize people post blogs to connect. Or at least I do at times. Oh well. Cheers for depression and feeling like a creep!


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