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Friday, July 22, 2011

Ggggggggggaaaaaaaaaa hh

Current mood: annoyed

So. Some people in this world are over-reactors. 

I gave a bad-ish rating for a tab that had the wrong capo.

So I said that when they changed it, I would change it to 5 stars.

But oh no. Apparently, this is completely unacceptable. So they go and give my Good Samaritan tab one star. C'mon man. All of my tabs are perfect. I spend time to make sure of outstanding accuracy for others, because accuracy and clearness are very important. The 'reason' is because, even though I stated the correct capo, I suggested a different capo for sopranos, because the vocalist is a contralto. 

Gosh. Thumbs up for classyness and maturity.

Yeah, That's a joke.

Maybe, you could all go cheer me up and OUTDO that one star. Oh my. That'd be nice.

I apologized and changed their tab's rating, just because what I thought would be a little suggestion, turned into my five-star tab streak to come to a halt from one upset user.. And this makes Kaija unhappy. So hopefully this all gets fixed. Do I have a life outside of music? Haha no.

Some people just annoy me. But hey, at least I saw Alan Arkin today.

That was pretty bitchen.

3:29 am - 0 comments - 0 Kudos
Thursday, February 24, 2011

Where to stand?

Current mood: aggravated

I'm a student.

A student who has iffy grades. All over the map. D's in Math and English. A's in History and Japanese. I can't take on too many classes at once.

I'm actually really intelligent. Grades don't represent actual intelligence, you know. If they did, I would have 127%. I know a lot of things. My thinking process is very speedy, I'm good at games like Scattergories and Scrabble. I know CPR, emergency medicne, I speak English, Japanese and I'm learning Dutch, I'm good at grasping ideas and realizing how processes happen and how things opperate. And I have an excellent vocabulary.

I also have depression. There's a shocker. .-. Most teens do.

The two things that make me forget about it? Being around people that aren't family, and music.

When I was thirteen, I wrote this song called error. One of the lines said

Music, my only cure/exhausted and so unsure

Now I know school is important, but High School at the moment is a waste of time. Really. This generation of teenagers are the dumbest, and it shows. All people really care about is their social status. I want to actually do something, but I get caught up and tangled in other people's messes. Alternative high school? Didn't get in. Homeschooling? doesn't work. GED? Mother won't allow it.

I just want to buy a van, put my guitar, keyboard and cello in it, and drive around. You know, have the window rolled down, the wind in my face, sport a pair of aviators, paint my van all sorts of beautiful colours, perform and live for what I am. A musician.

But life doesn't go like that. I'm 15 years old, I can't even drive yet. My maturity is way ahead of those around me. 

I live in a hippie town. Not only are my friends sortof really unintelligent, they do drugs as well. I don't. They're sitting on eachother's laps at lunch, not eating, laughing and connecting. And what do I do? I sit in this little room, the only room with a piano, and I sing.

5:34 am - 1 comments - 4 Kudos
Sunday, August 01, 2010

Everything {a monologue}

Current mood: upset.

Aside from writing music, I love writing poetry and monologues. This monologue is about a car accident caused by a drunk driver that happened on June 28th 2009 that killed four teenagers, two of them went to my school.


I didn't know you.
I never met you.
But you've made me cry countless times.

I remember when you played the piano.
I've never met you,
But I can remember.
You were so good at the piano.

I've never met you.
I've heard your name echoing everywhere I go.
I've seen your name in the paper.
Your picture too, smiling.

About a month after it happened,
I went onto your MySpace page.
The last you logged on was
One day before it happened.

I wonder if my brother ever told you about me.
He probably told you
That I'm the most annoying little sister
In the world.

It's hard to believe that
If one thing were different,
Everything would be.
If you hadn't drank that night.
If you would have been smart enough to call a friend.
If you would have left five minutes later...

When I was on your MySpace page,
I read your comments.
Comments from people who love you,
Who miss you.
Who want you to forgive them.

Some people would rather die suddenly
Than die over time.
I wonder which you would have rather done.
You couldn't say "Goodbye" to anyone.
No one.

A lot of people sort of hate you now.
You took four lives away
Before they began.
And you're the one who survived.
Have you realized what you've done?
The number of tears that have been cried
Because of you?

These comments made me cry.
I cried for you for a long time.
People loved you so much.
You made so many amazing memories
With so many amazing people.

If I could speak to you now,
I would.
I would tell you that,
I rather it had been me,
Than the four of you.
You had a brilliant talent.
I cannot compare.
Not even a little.

I heard you tried to blame
Someone else.
Take responsibility for what you did.
Plead guilty.

I saw some of your pictures.
They made me cry just like you comments.
You were so beautiful.
Raw, natural, beauty.

You don't know this,
But all of the piano students played a concert.
In your memory.
I cried.
Along with many, many others,
As the keys underneath the player's fingers
Danced across the black and white pattern of the keys.
And produced a sound so beautiful,
I don't think I can ever forget that
One moment.

There are five crosses on
Old Las Vegas Highway,
Representing where four innoscent
Teenagers died and one was left
Severly injured.
Have you left a flower by anyone's name?
Have you gone to apologize?
Have you been there at all?

I saw in one picture,
The sky was blue,
The grass was green.
Your blond hair was flowing
Freely with the wind.
And on your face was a smile so bright,
It seemed to make the sun go down.
That image is tattooed in my mind.
The only thing I could think was,
Rest in peace.

I'd like to believe
You're in a better place now.
I don't know if you were depressed,
Or the happiest person alive.
I'd like to believe dying
Is just the end part of life.
It's not that easy.
But it is that simple.

I don't know if anyone can ever forgive you.
You made a choice,
You made a mistake.
It's all over now.

Some people would want to
Love forever.
But we can't.
No one can.
If no one ever died,
How else would we know
How important they were?
3:56 am - 1 comments - 2 Kudos