Just a summary of my thoughts that i collected on christmas night, read if you want.
(Mind you, i'm only 15 and this will sound like a giant collection teen angst, but it would be good if you could read as this has been building up for months now and i need to get it off my chest, so it would be good if you could comment)
2008 was a giant learning curve for me. As a whole, it was the worst year of my life; i lost many friends, my appearence went downhill, i started to procrastinate more than ever, i realised the girl that i liked for over a year was just a giant attention-whore and a terrible person, i became desperate and in turn more socially awkward around people, and i started to spend more time on the internet and being lazy.
But on a positive note, last year alone taught me so much, more than my whole life combined, and it was only until christmas night where i took an hour long walk at midnight that i started toanalyse everything that went wrong, and the things i figured out really blew my mind. To avoid a huge sentence, i'll make a list:
- It's naive to think you can change a stubborn person - I wasted soo much time on trivial things - How people can have alterier motives - Girls are incredibly complex and long distance relationships NEVER work - I had passed up once in a lifetime opportunities that i regret so much now - How different things could have been had i made the small decisions that really counted, instead of being fixated on other things - How the whole year played out like a line of dominos, everything just worked out for the worst - Things are much better having worked for them
My year wasn't all negative though, all of the things that happened made me really analyse what was happening and now have me determined not to have another year like it.
And as a side note i've cut all contact with the girl i was talking about before; I was obsessed with her for so long even though she lived in campbeltown (an hour's drive). Whenever we went to meet up, she'd make up some piss-poor excuse about how she couldn't come, and whenever we talked, i was the first one to talk, never her.
And even though for the past two months she said she loved me, she still remained with her boyfriend who she said she was unhappy with; up until a couple of days before christmas when she told me that her Boyfriend wanted a break with her and she suddenly started paying loads of attention to me.
It was then that really sealed in my mind that she was just an attention whore and as shallow as a dry lake. So i've deleted her number, all of her 1000+ messages in my phone and blocked her on msn. I'm done with her, whenever i think about her, i get angry, i'm not going to have it anymore.
I've
worked out what i need to do, it's a long list and will take a fair
amount of time and work, but it's the only way i can make things right
with myself and the people around me. - I'm going to be more spontaneous and take more of the chances i get, but also be assertive with them - I'm going to be more confident around people (girls especially) and don't worry what people think of me - I'll be less of a sheep - I'm going to be more outgoing and meet people - I'll do what's best for me and the people i love and not for the people that think they're top shit - I'll learn when to shut my mouth and say the right things - I'm going to get into sports and surfing and try and become fit - I won't let little things try and change my mood - I'll be spending ALOT less time on here - Focus on the positives of things - I won't judge people - I'm going to avoid negative relationships, such as last GF, and get laid - I'll be more creative - And, finally, I'll be more organized, assertive and procratinate less with things like:
- Homework - Money - Guitar
I'm using this as sort of a reminder of the things i need to do as well. When i think about how my life might have been right now if i had learnt all of this early last year, it really makes me think abut how i haven't really lived compared to other people that i know; but i'm not blaming anyone, i know it is my fault, and this is what i'm going to do to try and turn it around.
I'm going to start fresh in 2009 and i don't ever want to look back at 2008 and if i really have to, it'll only be so i can reflect on what i don't want my life to be like. It's only 6 days in and i've already met new people, so all is going well so far, but like i said, it won't be at all easy.
TL;DR - That's like 1000 words, there's no way i could be bothered summarizing all of that :/ So if you've actually read this berlin wall of fucking text, Please comment!
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titsmcgee852's blogs, last updated : January 5, 2009
Jack 
im going to muse 