Okay, so apparently I'm just at the limit for blog length, so here's a new one. I just saved my changes and they got erased after like the first few sentences so now I have to redo most of this entry. Dammit. Anyway...
May 2nd (shit, it has been way too long)
Since it has been a good 6 or 7 weeks, a ton of stuff has happened. I barely remember any of it practically since it's been like forever.
The drag show was fun I guess. I played Foggy Mountain Breakdown in front of like... I really don't have any idea actually. At least 200 people I suppose. I played well enough, especially considering that I was playing with fingerpicks and standing up (I almost always perform sitting and with bare fingers) and also considering that the most people that I've ever really picked banjo in front of live was maybe 60 or 70 people.
It was the first time I've ever really worn makeup. Meh. The whole thing was kind of... I don't know. It was like, almost a parody of my entire gender orientation thingy. But whatever. There were a couple of professional drag queens that came and performed. Man, did they ever make some ugly girls!
That's actually one thing that I am really worried about. I really don't want to transition and take hormones and everything just to end up being a really ugly girl. I've been looking at MtF makeup tutorials on Youtube but all of those transgirls are just terribly ugly and masculine looking even with "feminizing" makeup. Ugh.
I did get makeup from a friend of mine that is FtM for being out for 6 months. It's kind of funny, because I can remember the exact dates I came out to several dozen people (or at the very least I could figure out the date fairly easily), but I can't remember the date that I came out to him. Oh well.
I haven't been dressing in girl clothes at school as frequently over the last month. I had mentioned back in March about how I was going through a patch where I felt sort of content with just dressing female, but now I'm not really content with that anymore. It has sort of lost its luster I guess and it just isn't really enough anymore. As much as the feeling kind of sucks, at least now I feel more confident that I really do want to transition further.
I have also done tons more vore stuff on dA. I've gotten a lot of positive feedback, though much of it is from guys that want me to eat them. I get a lot of really weird pervy comments, but it is flattering in a way. That there are people out there that want nothing more than "to be a meal digesting in [their] goddess's belly" or whatever makes me feel pretty sexy.
I feel bad for making this initial post on this second part so short considering how long. Hopefully my next entry will be sooner rather than later.