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Saturday, March 31, 2012

Why I Don't Like Nightwish

Current mood: displeased

Views: 139
Comments: 3
This sometimes comes up in the forums, so I figured I'd make a blog so that way I can direct people here or just copy and paste it.

Now, before I explain, I'll make an analogy.  Everyone likes cheeseburgers, right?  Right.  Anyone that doesn't like cheeseburgers is a tree stump and not a person as far as I am concerned.  So everyone likes cheeseburgers.

So let's say that you go to your favorite restaurant.  You order a cheeseburger, with 1/2 lb of medium-rare beef, bacon, cheddar, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, etc.  The works.  And so you get it.  It looks great.  You take a bite.  At first, it's great, but something is not quite right.  You take another bite.  At this point, you know that something is definitely wrong here.  So you take off that top half of the bun, and...

What the fuck!?  The burger patty... is no more than an ounce of beef, if that.  And to make matters worse, it's fucking well-done.  FUCKING WELL-DONE!  And without any cheese!  Again, what the fuck!?

This isn't a cheeseburger.  This is like... a BLT with a lump of charcoal.  Now, there's nothing wrong with a BLT, but if I wanted one, I would have ordered one!  And I most certainly did not order a BLT.  But you've still got that ounce of... I don't know what... on there. 

I was promised an 8 oz cheeseburger, and clearly that is not what I received.  Listening to Nightwish is the same.  I am being promised quality metal, but that is clearly not what I'm getting.  The metal elements are so generic and watered down, they are almost non-existent.  I don't even know if you can call it metal.  It's more like pop music with distorted guitars. 

And speaking of pop music, the production of their albums completely kills pretty much anything they had.  Just like the disappointingly small 1 oz patty in the burger, which (because it was well-done) had all chances of it being decent brutally ripped away, the completely over-done production here does the same.  That is certainly not how a metal album should sound, production-wise.  Now Tomb of the Mutilated or Effigy of The Forgotten are perfect examples of what a metal album should sound like. 

I'll probably add more to this at a later point, but for now I have to go and get my pizza out of the oven before it is burnt to fucking ashes.
1:48 am - 3 comments - 4 Kudos - Report!
Comments
UntilISleep wrote on Mar 31st, 2012 3:54pm

Well-done?! THE HORROR

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EpiExplorer wrote on Apr 30th, 2012 11:20am

Hey, I like well-done beef D; Interesting analogy though.

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bloodtrocuted93 wrote on Aug 12th, 2012 4:31pm

Now I want a cheeseburger

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