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Sunday, May 18, 2014

On Toni Loomi - Riffs

As we all know, Toni Loomi's riffs were a huge game changer for rock music. Each year, countless teenagers pick up their first guitar with only one thing in mind: learning to recreate the magic of Toni Loomi's legendary guitar riffs.

Dave Growl said it best:

"Well like... there was just some magic when it came to Toni's riffs. They could be so simple or so complex, sometimes even both at the same time. I don't know. But either way... there was always something that was just inexplicably powerful about them. You had songs like "The Man with the Hammer" where it was... there's just one riff the whole song consisting of F# powerchords on the two low strings, but it's such a great riff.

On the other hand, you had some of the tunes that he wrote from Pink Floyd's solo material in the late 70s. They continued to play together after parting ways with Led Zeppelin in 1976. Really great chemistry between the two of them. Anyway... Pink was at the height of both his drug use and his jazz fusion phase, and so naturally he tried to incorporate all kinds of nutty things in the music.

I remember the first time that I heard the riff to "Keep Tossing those Word Salads" on Pink's "Gustav, the Madman of Stockholm" album... oh man. There was just no making heads or tails of that one. It was like... to this day, people are still trying to figure out how he made that one work. I have heard many people attempt it, but nobody can quite nail it.

There was this one time that I saw good old Wrongway [author's note: Swedish guitar virtuoso Yngve Mammoth, commonly referred to as "Wrongway" due to a combination of his infamous tendency to complain about producers, his live musicians, his management, and flight attendants of always doing everything the "wrong way" and his name being impossible to pronounce correctly] playing in Seattle. Oh man... dude tried to cover "The Purple Skies of Venice Beach" off of "Gustav" and came up way short. I think that it's the only time I have ever seen an audience actually throw their shoes at a musician in person.

Point is... if a legend like Wrongway, who is just amazing despite how rude and arrogant he is, can't even pull off one of Toni Loomi's signature riffs... I think that that says it all."

In addition to a seemingly limitless amount of testimony from rock legends, Toni Loomi has also received considerable recognition for his riffs from many leading rock music and guitar magazines.

Here is a brief selection of accolades relating to Toni's riffs:

25 Best Rock Riffs of the 70s (Guitar Lord Magizine, 1980):
---1. Pink Floyd - "Where the Rat Nests" (Build a Better Mousetrap)
---4. Led Zeppelin - "Where They Don't Have Streets" (Led Zeppelin II)
---9. Led Zeppelin - "The Man with the Hammer" (Led Zeppelin VI)
--17. Toni Loomi - "Wrong Side of the Tracks" (I Did a Solo Album)
--23. Pink Floyd - "If I were a Machine" (Strange is the New Normal)

50 Greatest Hard Rock Riff Writers (Falling Tree Magazine, 1985):
---1. Toni Loomi (Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Blank Stare, The Scream)

10 Riffs that Should Never, Ever, Ever be Attempted (Modern Guitar, 1986):
---1. Pink Floyd - "Keep Tossing those Word Salads"
---7. The Scream - "That's Not My Problem"

20 Riffs that Shaped Rock Music (Rock 'n' Roll Magazine, 1989):
---Blank Stare - "F-105 Thunderchief" (1966)
---Led Zeppelin - "It Takes a Thief to Catch a Thief" (1969)
---Pink Floyd - "Keep Tossing those Word Salads" (1978)
---The Scream - "If a Tree Screams in the Forest..." (1986)

40 Riffs to Pick up Chicks (Guitar Sleaze, 1992):
---Blank Stare - "Of Mice and Bigger Mice" (Micecream, 1967)
---Led Zeppelin - "Stairway to Upstairs" (Led Zeppelin IV, 1973)
---Pink Floyd - "Robot Descartes" (Strange is the New Normal, 1977)

With such an impressive collection of feathers in his cap, there really isn't much more that we can say, so we'll let the man himself sum it up:

"I always try to make a riff that will stick with the listener, first time. Something that gets people to stop what they are doing and turn their attention to the radio. But really, it's all about what works for the song. Sometimes you need something that's just there, but sometimes you need a real showstopper. I think that learning when to tone it down and when to really pour it on was one of the trickiest, but most rewarding, things to learn.

I think that Rocky Mountain Tim would probably be my biggest riff writing influence for that reason. That guy really knew when to go big and when to just sort of go regular sized with his riffs. Brilliant guy, never hogged the spotlight from those around him, though he could easily have ran circles around them all. *laughs*

Really though I just write riffs that I would want to hear over and over, because let's face it... if I don't even want to hear one of my riffs, who does?"

-Toni Loomi, Falling Tree Magazine, 1974

11:48 pm - 0 comments - 0 Kudos
Friday, February 07, 2014

On Toni Loomi - The Origin of "Loombag"

Toni Loomi needs no introduction, and so I will not introduce him.

There has been much confusion over the years as to where the nickname "Loombag" came from. Was it a reference to sex, drugs, or rock 'n' roll? Was it a reference to the late-but-not-as-great Dimbag Darnell of Panera fame?

There are many rumors and myths surrounding the origin of "Loombag", which, consider the number of rumors and myths surrounding the man himself.

It's really a very interesting story that can be traced back to around 1971 during his 7 year tenure as the lead guitarist in Led Zeppelin's backing band, where his trademark riffs and licks contributed to Led's success tremendously.

In fact, in a 1987 interview with Led Zeppelin's bass player and lyrical genius, Pink Floyd, said of Loomi:

"Well, you know... he [Toni Loomi] was really the major contributor to the band's sound. I mean, he would be the first one to admit that we all contributed to the band, but really... his riffs were the glue that sort of... made the whole beast sort stick together. Rock music has always been the sound of the electric guitar, and so in those days the skill of the guitarist was what would... uh... really make and break your sound."

Later in the same interview Floyd was asked about the origin of the "Loombag" name:

"Ah, well... You know... Back in... err... maybe '68, '69 was it? Something around there anyway. Well, point is... Jeff Rowtall had been playing the flute or something like that on tour with us in support of the album, and he had... uhh... been asked about Toni in an interview. He made some remark... something or other... about how he had this... sort of... "bag" of licks that he just... knew. Front and back, in and out. And he could just pull out just the right lick, not matter."

Going back to Jeff Rowtall's interview:

"I have played with a number of interviewers in my years, but Toni's approach to improvising is, I think, the hands-down most sophisticated approach to improvising as... He sort of... works on these licks, knows how they work. Then he can take little titbits of this lick or that from here or there and sort of... intertwine them in the most jaw-dropping manner."

In the years after that, Floyd and Rowtall began to refer to "Loomi's bag of licks" and over time, this was shortened to his "Loomi-bag". Floyd had this to say on the course of this change:

"We [Pink and I] started to sort of jokingly talk about how Toni could just reach into his "bag of licks" and just grab a little nugget out and just wow the audience. This term became quite... cumbersome, I guess you could say... *laughs* And so we shortened it to "Loomi-bag" by around early '71. At some point, we just sort of further contractioned (sic) it further to "Loombag" since we all agreed that the "eee" sound in the middle sounded bloody f***ing stupid, when it gets right down to it."

At some point, the term "Loombag" moved from referring to Toni Loomi's bag of licks to the man himself, and the rest, as they say, is history.
4:46 pm - 2 comments - 4 Kudos
Sunday, June 30, 2013

Things I Like/Things I Find Interesting

Current mood: content

Things I Like

-hot sauce straight from the bottle
-proper use of Binomial Nomenclature
-Fire Emblem

Things I Find Interesting

-imposing mountains
-northern settlements
-large constrictors
-prehistoric megafauna
-Native American culture
-flame tanks
2:26 am - 0 comments - 0 Kudos
Sunday, June 02, 2013

Links to stuff

Current mood: Pickin' and Grinnin'

People sometimes ask questions about stuff and sometimes I give long detailed answers, so this is to help find information easily.

That's all a few banjo/steel guitar/mandolin/tunings related stuff. I might find some queer stuff later.

7:54 pm - 0 comments - 0 Kudos
Friday, May 03, 2013

Tranny Stuff, Part II

Current mood: indescribable

Okay, so apparently I'm just at the limit for blog length, so here's a new one. I just saved my changes and they got erased after like the first few sentences so now I have to redo most of this entry. Dammit. Anyway...

May 2nd (shit, it has been way too long)

Since it has been a good 6 or 7 weeks, a ton of stuff has happened. I barely remember any of it practically since it's been like forever.

The drag show was fun I guess. I played Foggy Mountain Breakdown in front of like... I really don't have any idea actually. At least 200 people I suppose. I played well enough, especially considering that I was playing with fingerpicks and standing up (I almost always perform sitting and with bare fingers) and also considering that the most people that I've ever really picked banjo in front of live was maybe 60 or 70 people.

It was the first time I've ever really worn makeup. Meh. The whole thing was kind of... I don't know. It was like, almost a parody of my entire gender orientation thingy. But whatever. There were a couple of professional drag queens that came and performed. Man, did they ever make some ugly girls!

That's actually one thing that I am really worried about. I really don't want to transition and take hormones and everything just to end up being a really ugly girl. I've been looking at MtF makeup tutorials on Youtube but all of those transgirls are just terribly ugly and masculine looking even with "feminizing" makeup. Ugh.

I did get makeup from a friend of mine that is FtM for being out for 6 months. It's kind of funny, because I can remember the exact dates I came out to several dozen people (or at the very least I could figure out the date fairly easily), but I can't remember the date that I came out to him. Oh well.

I haven't been dressing in girl clothes at school as frequently over the last month. I had mentioned back in March about how I was going through a patch where I felt sort of content with just dressing female, but now I'm not really content with that anymore. It has sort of lost its luster I guess and it just isn't really enough anymore. As much as the feeling kind of sucks, at least now I feel more confident that I really do want to transition further.

I have also done tons more vore stuff on dA. I've gotten a lot of positive feedback, though much of it is from guys that want me to eat them. I get a lot of really weird pervy comments, but it is flattering in a way. That there are people out there that want nothing more than "to be a meal digesting in [their] goddess's belly" or whatever makes me feel pretty sexy.

I feel bad for making this initial post on this second part so short considering how long. Hopefully my next entry will be sooner rather than later.
1:04 am - 0 comments - 0 Kudos
Saturday, January 12, 2013

Bionomial nomenclature

Current mood: weird

This is the perfect opportunity to explain binomial nomenclature, since this is the way many dinosaurs are referred to and people always mess it up, especially with T. rex. If you ever notice, in science they use funny Greek and Latin names that nobody understands to name organisms. The animal is referred to by its genus and species. It is written like this:

"Genus species" or "G. species" for short.

Also, a subspecies name can be added:

"Genus species subspecies" or "G. s. subspecies" for short.

The genus name is capitalized, and the species (and subspecies) are left lowercase. A period is used after the abbreviated genus and species names when applicable. Genus, species, and subspecies names should be italicized even when abbreviated. Though italicizing on the forums is a pain since Ctrl+I doesn't seem to work, so it's probably better to forget that. Anyway, the binomial nomenclature of T. rex is Tyrannosaurus rex (the genus meaning "tyrant lizard" and the species meaning "king," thus making "king of the tyrant lizards") and can be abbreviated as T. rex. Only T. rex is correct; T-Rex, T. Rex, T-rex, t. rex, and t-rex are all incorrect.

Here are some more examples (no dinosaur examples; don't know any of the top of my head):
American black bear = Ursus americanus -> U. americanus eastern black bear = Ursus americanus americanus -> U. a. americanus moose (elk in Europe) = Alces alces -> A. alces Shiras moose = Alces alces shirasi -> A. a. shirasi tiger = Panthera tigris -> P. tigris Caspian tiger = Panthera tigris virgata -> P. t. virgata

You get the idea. Hopefully some of you will now get this right. I doubt it though.
6:37 pm - 2 comments - 0 Kudos
Monday, October 08, 2012

Tranny stuff (Updated March 11th)

Current mood: hungry

Oct 8

Now that I've been open about this here on UG for awhile, I'm going to write a little blurb here for anyone that was wondering or unclear.

I am a non-operative male-to-female transgender. Basically I was born male but identify as a female. I am currently living as a male, but would ideally like to live as a woman. At the moment, I really haven't really taken many steps towards this goal other than talking to a few of my friends and professors (and many of you here on UG, of course). Even though I would like to go through with it, I feel that I'm not really at a stable enough point to really considering it any time soon, at least not until after graduating.

At some point, I'd like to add a short little FAQ here.

For now, I'll start by acknowledging the question as to how I want to be referred. Like I said, I identify as being female, so I would prefer to be referred to as such, so you can use she, her, etc. You can call me Kristen if you want. That's the name that I would plan on using if and when I go through with reassignment.

Also I guess sexual orientation is probably worth mentioning. I'd identify as asexual and probably panromantic, but I definitely lead more to gynoromantic. So in short I like girls.

More questions later when I get some time. If you have any questions, feel free to PM me. Don't feel like your questions are stupid or whatever. It's something that most people really don't know too much about (myself included), so even if it seems like a stupid question, it probably isn't, so don't be afraid to ask.

Update: Jan 11th (written on Jan 3rd)

I guess as far as acceptance, it hasn't really been much of a problem so far. I've only told people that I know, mainly my friends from the radio station that I work at, people that are in my major, a few of my professors, my bandmates, my parents, and two of my sisters. College campuses in this part of the country tend to be very liberal, and even the more conservative people tend to be more accepting of things than conservative people in other parts of the country.

If anything is emotionally draining, it's really just general anxiety on my part. I'm just kind of... well, a bit nervous and a lot excited. It's a big change and there will certainly be obstacles, but just the idea of being able to really be myself is just... I don't know how to describe it.

Other than coming out, I really haven't done anything more than have a couple of my girl friends dress me up twice. I'm kind of stressing a lot over whether or not I should start presenting as female at school this semester. In someways I feel that I'm over-thinking it because all I really have to do for now is dress as a female (wearing female clothes as well as stuffing and tucking, but I probably won't start wearing makeup yet because I realistically can't learn that in such a short time) as well as behaving a bit more feminine.

I really haven't really talked extensively with my parents, but my mom is kind of... it obviously really surprised her, which is certainly reasonable. I guess her thing was it is that I've never acted particularly feminine, though this is more because she has overlooked the feminine traits that I do display and is unaware of the ones that I don't.

Of course, a big part of it is that it still is fairly new to her, since I only came out to my parents on Oct 27th. In fact, I guess it's still very new to me. I came out as "queer" to two of my friends on Sept 18, came out to another friend as asexual/panromantic the next day (I kind of told him the story of what had happened the previous day, because the circumstances were quite humorous), and then I came out as trans to one of my professors that I hang out with on the 21st.

I guess it was one of those things that I had sort of realized for a long time, but I really never labeled myself as trans or even considered transitioning until early last year. Even then, it's certainly something that I questioned heavily, as do most people that are heteronormative in terms of sexual or gender orientation. It's not like I was ever ashamed of it though. I had already sort of gone through the same thing when I fully became aware in high school that I was queer.

It really wasn't until I started coming out here on UG in August that I really started to feel comfortable enough to come out in real life, and even then I was still questioning it to some point. I began to really open up about it, it really just started to feel "right" I guess. As that was happening, I just started to feel a lot more comfortable with myself as a person. It's not like I had hated myself prior to that, but more so that I was just very apathetic about myself.

Another thing that I changed dramatically when I started coming out is that the timeline for transitioning changed drastically. Even a month or so after coming out I still didn't feel like I wanted to or even could deal with transitioning for at least a few years. I guess I could say the same about telling my parents. But the more I started to talk about it, the more I "discovered" myself and now I not only feel that I want to transition as soon as possible, to the point that I can't really stand not transitioning soon.

Written Jan 11th

Since Jan 3rd, I've basically made up my mind that I would like to start presenting as female this semester (beginning Jan 14th). After a whole week of trying to talk to my mom about it, I finally had a chance this morning. Let's just say it could have gone better. The basic gist of the conversation:

You can't be transgendered at school."

"Well why not?"

"Because what are you going to do, be a transvestite? What are you going to do, where dresses and stuff?"

"For now, sure."

"Well your dad isn't taking this well. I've talked to him about it a little and he doesn't want anything to do with it. He's having a hard time with it."

"And you don't think I am. This is something that's going to have a really negative effect on me if I don't do it soon."

"Well what if you try it and it doesn't work?"

"It kind of has to. And it's not like I haven't thought about this. I've talked about this a lot with all of my friends and they all support me."

"Well that's just a temporary thing. Of course they would say that. It's not like they would just tell you that they're not going to support you. And it's not like they've been supporting you for the last 21 years."

So I don't know. I have to talk to them about it some more. As far as what I'm doing for the semester, it's like... I can't do it obviously, but at the same time I've already decided that I'm going to do this now.

I guess for the time being I could leave stuff in the closet at the radio station and go to school dressed as a boy. Then when I get to school, I can get dressed up and do makeup and whatever, and then take it all off before my parents pick me up.

I'll probably write more next week about how my week goes. I feel pretty good about it. The one thing that I'm kind of... not sure about... is which bathroom to use. I feel like I can't exactly use either. Apart from the general awkwardness, one major problem is that I don't know if I would get in trouble for using the girls' bathroom. I'm still legally male, so I couldn't possibly get in trouble for using the boys' bathroom.

I've discussed this with the head of my school's disability department to she if she could give me any answers, but the best that she could find are the single handicap rooms where you can go in and lock the door to the bathroom. Even then, which do I use? This is especially important if I am putting on or taking off makeup in the bathroom.

Of course, if worse comes to worse, I can always ask a girl friend to go to the bathroom with me, since that's a common enough behavior among girls.

January 17th

I said that I'd add something late in this week, so yeah. I've only been to three classes so far, and I had the two professors (one of them teaches two of my classes this semester) refer to me as Kristen. There were a few confused looks. It also doesn't help that I haven't started dressing as a girl yet (not like I'd be convincing anyway).

It was kind of weird in my class last night when my teacher went around the room and had us all say our names just in case we didn't know everyone (there were a few unfamiliar faces). Nobody really has said anything yet. I'm sure that they really would feel too awkward to ask anyway.

One thing that was kind of weird was when I was exchanging contact information with my project partner for that class was that moment when he asked how my name was spelled. It's really something that I don't think about. I mean, I got it right without really thinking about it, but it's something I hadn't thought too much about.

My friend Bill had done that one time as well. He had just randomly asked me to see if I could when prompted, and really I just sort of hesitated. But I didn't this time so it's alright. I definitely have to practice that a bit.

The other thing that I can imagine would be similar is if I'm doing any sort of official school business. Naturally, when I'm asked for my name, I still need to use my legal first name. That's already awkward anyway though. And of course their is the fact that I honestly don't know how to sign my name, but again, for important stuff I'd be using my legal name anyway.

I'll probably give another update after another week or so. At this point I'm hoping to give an update every week or two. Then again, I doubt anyone reads this often anyway, so I doubt anyone is going to be anxiously waiting the next update.

January 30th

Let's see... I've started dressing like a girl at school. It's weird. I don't really look like a girl. I also don't have any tape for up there or down there, so that makes it sort of weirder, but sort of less weird. I'll say one thing though: leggings without tape doesn't leave much to the imagination...

Last night I went to the Q&A meeting (formerly the GSA). It was alright. There isn't really too much to say. Afterward, a girl I know complimented me on my penis. Like I said, not much is left to the imagination...

I also was hanging around with one of my friends who is trans, and his friend that is also trans (also he president of Q&A) and his girlfriend. They gave me some old clothes, so that's cool. My favorite is this scarf with the trans colors. I'll get more pictures at some point, maybe even with makeup, taped cleavage, and my penis tucked back between my legs.

That's about it.

February 18th

I figured that I would add something since it has been almost three weeks. Basically stuff is pretty much the same as far as this stuff goes. I've started wearing some of the frillier stuff out of what I was given, as well as a miniskirt and a couple of minidresses. I've gotten a few looks here and there, which is kind of funny.

I've went to a couple more Q&A meetings, but I'm probably going to stop going regularly because honestly they are all kind of... I don't know, I guess they are all sort of boring with the exception of a few. What's worse is that two thirds of the meeting are devoted to playing games (I mean boring "creative" games you would play at like... drama camp or something that consist of imitating things and remembering people's names) and talking about feelings. And honestly... these people don't really have interesting feelings.

There are a few that I would want to hang out with more often though. Mainly though (and I knew this before going) these things always attract the same kind of people. It's really just not all that fun and I definitely feel completely out of place. They are putting on their annual drag/talent show in a few weeks, and I'm considering doing that though.

One thing that kind of sucks is that in my state, you are required to undergo sexual reassignment surgery (SRS) in order to legally change gender by having your birth certificate altered. Basically SRS is a fancy way of saying that they "reconfigure" your genitalia to that which is typical of your gender (so in my case I would have my testes removed and my penis would be converted into a makeshift vagina.

Ew. As a non-operative transsexual, I really don't want to do something like that at all. Unfortunately, this is required for changing gender legally, so I have a bit of a problem.

There are other states where this can be done with just a court order, and in Mississippi (of all places) changing your legal gender on your birth certificate s as simple as going into some sort of state building and requesting that they change it. I don't know much about changing birth certificates and stuff like that though, so I don't know if I could just change it in other state and be good to go.

Of course, the other thing that is important is hormonal replacement therapy (HRT). I don't really know much about the formal process of starting that for my state, though it probably will require going to therapy or something, which I really don't want to do.

The way I see it, why do I need to talk to a therapist about this? As long as I'm not having difficulty adapting to life or some stupid shit like that, what would I have to talk to them about? Therapy is also very expensive. Of course, HRT is expensive as well. I'm going to probably need insurance to help cover it, so that might require some extra steps.

I have a friend that is FtM that is already doing hormones and stuff, so I'll probably ask him about it when next I see him.

I still haven't really talked to my parents about any of this since whenever, so I guess I haven't made progress with that. Parents are stupid anyway.

One thing that I have started doing though is bringing home clothes with me in my backpack and wearing them to sleep. I don't know, it's kind of nice I guess.

That's all for today I guess.

March 10th

So it's been a few weeks. A lot has happened I guess. First of all, a lot of stress and bullshit regarding stuff at home and at the radio station. That's not really the point of this though, so I won't really talk about that.

Let's see... I have been feeling kind of bad lately I guess. I don't know, I guess I just kind of feel very unsure about all of this. I mean, I', very comfortable with my gender identity: I'm female inside, and that's all there is to it. I really enjoy dressing up in girl clothes and I'm very comfortable with that.

Here's the thing though: I'm not really sure at this point that I couldn't be happy living as male for the rest of my life. It's one of those things where there is so much to consider. Sometimes I feel like it's more effort than it's really worth. Sometimes I feel that, well... I know who I am on the inside, and maybe that's enough for me.

But then sometimes I feel... Maybe I'm only content for the moment because of how exciting this semester has been in this aspect. When I first started coming out to people, I felt content in that way, like I didn't have to transition and could be happy just knowing who I am and having people that I care about know who I am. After a while though, I started to feel almost as if that simply wasn't enough.

Maybe I'm just going through another patch where I feel content. Maybe I'll never really be content. I feel that, to some extent, I have an idealized version of myself as a woman that is simply not possible. I feel like maybe even if I go through with everything, I won't be where I want to be.

I don't really know at this point. It's one of those things where I'll figure it out with time, but it's just very frustrating not knowing now. I suppose that there's not much to do with that. When I know I'll know, and that's all there is to it.

Another thing that has been kind of getting to me is that in the trans community, there are a lot of transwomen that aren't completely accepting of non-ops, as if we are somehow less of a female, and someone that wants to be a transsexual and not a real woman. I don't even know how that makes any sense, when a huge aspect of transgenderism is a rejection of cultural norms and social gender roles. I don't know. Bitches be crazy, I guess.

Hormones. It would actually be super easy to get on hormones. But until I decide that I really want to fully transition, it's not really such a great idea to start taking them. At least that's how I feel. Honestly... the one thing about hormones that I'm kind of nervous about is that my penis might get smaller.

I don't know, I just really don't want that. I read all kinds of different things. For some, it shrinks drastically; for others, it barely shrinks at all. Some people say that masturbating frequently causes it to shrink less. Another thing to consider is the option of taking just female hormone supplements but not male hormone inhibitors.

Actually, I went to lunch with a friend of mine that is FtM on Thursday, and he is kind of feeling the same way about his situation. It's nice to have people to go through this stuff with.

Other than that, the only other thing (that's somewhat related) is that I've finally decided to start uploading weird stuff on my deviantART page. It's all just vore-related crossdressing pictures.

For those of you that don't know what vore is, it's a fetish that involves arousal from the idea of one being devouring another, usually by swallowing them alive. In other words, people are actually turned on by the idea of either eating someone else or being eaten. There are a lot of different fantasies that people have. I like the idea of swallowing somebody (probably a cute guy or girl) whole and alive and then having them completely inside of my belly.

That's kind of weird, I know. Honestly, I don't know why that appeals to me, but it does. Of course, it's obviously not possible to do that in real life (and even if I could do it, I wouldn't for obvious reasons), so the only ways to really do anything are roleplaying and artwork.

So basically I've been uploading artwork that I've made by editing self portraits in GIMP. It's really weird stuff, but I enjoy it. The thing is... there are a lot of really perverted weirdos on deviantART. I mean, it's fetish-based artwork, so it's to be expected, but it's still kind of weird. I get all kinds of comments from people about how much they would love to be in my belly. It's kind of weird, but kind of cute, and honestly, it makes me feel super sexy.

I suppose if anyone actually cared, I could link them to my gallery, but it really wouldn't have much appeal unless you are into that sort of thing. Also you can't view pictures marked as having "mature content" without being registered, so I would have to link to the pictures directly.

Anyway, that seems like a decent enough entry for today. Until next time...

March 11th

Today I went around with boobies for the first time, which consisted of me stuffing a couple of scarves under my top. It looks pretty goofy.

Also I'm participating in the Q&A's annual drag show tomorrow night.
10:17 pm - 8 comments - 10 Kudos
Friday, August 10, 2012

Pit Monkeys 101

Current mood: Slutty

Here's some people that you should know about:

aCloudConnected - jetfuel495 fanboy, likes anime
Acϵ♠ - he fucks strippers
aig91 - plays organ and likes hippie music
ali.guitarkid7 - he's from Syria
AllJudasPriest - she's weird but kind of a milf and very nice
Andrea55 - really nice, but sort of an attention whore
angusfan16 - his name is actually anusfan
Arby911 - he's like 78 years old
Banjocal - he is Ab Minor
Basti95 - an Italian guy named Basil
behind_you - he's an ostrich IRL
BlackLuster - signs his posts with Ashley or BL and a dancey smilie
blake1221 - smarter than the average frog, likes mediocre hardcore
bloodtrocuted93 - smokes Satan and worships crack
bradulator - he likes mediocre indie bands, he's really Josh Peck
Burgery - he's from Iceland
Butt Rayge - he's from Australia and likes Immortal
byob_soad2 - generic Anime thread regular
captaincrunk - likes making dubstep and misses obvious sarcasm
ChadLikesGuitar - his name is actually Steve, and he doesn't like guitar
chaoticfables - Asian guy who likes Yu-Gi-Oh!
ChemicalFire - he likes Spiderman and hardcore
ChucklesMginty- he's afraid to leave his own house
Coagulation - he is Jackal58's son and makes monsters
Codemonk - he's like 88 years old
CoreysMonster - fellates Devin Townsend endlessly, makes some bad threads
Crazyedd123 - he likes King Crimson
CrossBack7 - he never made his parents proud
damian91 - he likes Rings of Saturn and math
dash49 - draws really cool pictures and stuff
daytripper75 - he likes pirates and stuff
Deadlock Riff - he always answers his PMs, and likes Tyranitar
deathdrummer - he's an Australian Aboriginal and wears a mask
devourke - he's a Kiwi and stuff
DimebagLivesOn - generic Anime thread regular
Dirge Humani - acts really aggressive but is actually a really nice guy secretly
DonGlover - he loves dongs and Canada
Dreadnaught - former super mod, made tons of drunk threads
due_07 - loves communism and bands that are terrible at their instruments
Duffman123 - he actually is Duffman IRL, or else he isn't, I can't remember which
Eggmond - he has permission from Zappp to boss around the mods
element4433 - the Fred Jones of moderators, has a bizarre mask fetish
entity0000009 - he plays weird post metal
Eric_Fail - he beats up tourists and kicks bicycles, doesn't know geography
ErikLensherr - he's due 07's father
ethan_hanus - super conservative Christian who hates abortion and science
FassaAlbrecht - she was permabanned, but she was awful and loved Rush
Fat Lard - he is Brak
FireHawk - he helps me keep the Keyboard Thread alive (barely)
GaryBillington - he registered in 2001
genghisgandhi - he's an anteater that plays didgeridoo
Gibson_SG_uzr55 - loves crappy hardcore like These Hearts, TBTB, DtS, AA!, BMTH, etc
goest - I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together
Guitar0player - he likes dressing up like a cute girl
GuitarGod_92 - generic Anime thread regular
guitarxo - loves cats and food, she was eaten by a snake
Harmonius - loves food and food
HelpTravesty - he begs strangers for pizza
Holy Katana - likes anime and synthesizers
horsedick.mpeg - loves white bitches
hridayhazarika - he's from India and likes Tom Waits and Anaal Nathrakh
Ian_the_fox - has the fastest paws on UG
icesk8erqueen8 - loves Nazis and the Aryan race
Ichikurosaki - generic Anime thread regular
ilikepirates - she also likes pandas
Irish_Punk13 - dickrides Nick Cave and Tom Waits like nobody's business
isabiggles - a large aquatic bear
izbbass - he's from the bad part of Connecticut
Jack Off Jill - he's a real funny guy
Jackal58 - he's like 108 years old
JackalUK - he likes computers and stuff
jakesmellspoo - he likes punk
jani92jani - claims he loves classical music, but only likes Mozart and Beethoven
JayT44 - he likes basketball and he's like 12 but still a mod
JDawg - registered August 2001 (though his join date says Nov 2001)
jetfuel495 - best mod, obsessed with Brian Fallon, Rei, and Gundams
jewchords - loves incest, peeing, and pooping, nobody remembers his real username
jgbsmith - he built his own synthesizer
jimmyled - he likes drugs
JohnnyGenzale - from Göteborg but does not like melodeath, likes Bob Dylan
Jon777 - loves Opeth and ATLA, especially Uncle Iroh
jrcsgtpeppers - likes mediocre indie music
JustRooster - he is an army medic and used to have a purple title
K'Nuckles - he thinks he never needs to tune his guitar because it has a locking nut
kelly22 - occasionally posts threads full of scat porn
kensai - old Swedish guy that died in a train accident, mods post for him
KTFM - lives in Adelaide... eeewww
Kumanji - super communist, but pretty clueless and a total nutcase
laid-to-waste - weird guy that loves Freud
Life Is Brutal - listens to wanky tech death and makes ambient music
losing battle - Andrea55 wannabe
LostLegion - he has a weird fascination with potted plants
Mack56 - comic sans!
MakinLattes - lives in Oregon and likes math and being drawn nude
metal4eva_22 - he used to be Scyther but now he's a pony
MH400 - worst thread starter ever, generally useless
Minkaro - he's some sort of animal, maybe an otter
Mistress_Ibanez - super feminazi, permanently stuck in PMS mode
Momentosis - generic Anime thread regular
Morphogenesis26 - he likes Trivium and looks sort of like a guy I know IRL
moscaespańol - likes stoner metal
Mudmen190 - he likes Metroid
muffinduck01 - he likes Metroid and has man boobs
MusicMan24 - the Packers lost lololol
neidnarb11890 - likes bands that can't play their instruments well
Nelsean - he has a weird towel fetish and he just got married
niejel - runs a monthly contest that people don't care about anymore
Nomack - he is Barack Obama
NothingRocks - EverythingSucks, likes traps and shred
ometh - he likes brutal death metal and doesn't like black people
padgea7x - he quotes his own posts but only posts in the Soccer thread now
Pagan_Poetry - likes Bjork and makes funny posts in the Columns
palm mute - likes doom metal
Paraffinity - fellates Jack White
Pat_s1t - he's from Canada and likes BTBAM
PaulyVengeance - draws bags full of dicks
Philip_pepper - he sat at the Stupid Table in first grade
Primus2112 - loves It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
primusfan - he likes jazz and used to be a mod
Random3 - dickrides Dream Theater and hates pop music
RU_Experienced? - obsessed with old music and dicks, an upstanding citizen
sadSTATUE - she likes checkered pattern things and ska
Saint78 - vandalizes stuff in Walmart for fun, complains a lot, has bad tone
sam b - he's actually English, but lives in Finland and likes soccer
Scowmoo - he has a bunch of pet wolves
SexyLikeAPig - I used to live inside of his belly
sfaune92 - he says he's Norwegian, but can't be since he doesn't like black metal
SheKILaDZE - he talks like a whale
Shmeegle - an Irish guy that used to like goregrind
shredibanez24 - he is Slater
Skullivan - he's fat and likes Queen
skylerjames13 - gets butthurt when people make fun of people
SlackerBabbath - He's like 78 years old and knows everything and also paints
Slash - he abandoned us like an asshole
SlayingDragons - his name is Claus and he lives in Antarctica
slipknot5678 - he's a bird in real lifek
smartguyreviews - his name is Alexander John Dragonetti
Snowman388 - he lives in China but isn't Chinese, also a snowman
spanishyanez - he's got a really cool voice
stepco12345 - he likes wrestling
StewieSwan - he loves Asian stuff and plays Asian instruments
T00DEEPBLUE - generic MLP thread regular
theguitarist - likes to edit people's posts sometimes for lulz, makes cookies
TheMadcap - used to make great threads, now he tries way too hard
theogonia777 - weird tranny chick that plays banjo and eats people
TheReverend247 - pushover mod, obsessed with jetfuel495 and blake1221
The_Casinator - freaky deaky Dutch bastard
Thrashtastic15 - gets butthurt when you say bad things about hockey and syrup
Thrill-house - really cool guy
tortilla - stupid stoner who posts the way Stevie Kenarban talks
Trowzaa - u wot m8
TrueAmerican - got permabanned for calling Carmel a bitch, but still relevant
Twist of fate - the next Rebecca Black, approves of kissing your 2nd cousin
UnionJake - also permabanned, but he circlejerked to The Prestige one time
UntilISleep - he is secretly Bobby Hill
Vendetta V - he's like Buckethead but lives in the ACCP (aah ess ess err)
Victory2134 - generic Anime thread regular
VillainousLatin - he's from Puerto Rico
WCPhils - he's from Philly and dickrides all things Philly and A7X
WholeLottaIzzy - he has tits in his avatar
Whoomit - gets really drunk and posts hilarious drunk threads
willT08 - makes electronic music with Cubase, plays ukulele
Wolfinator-x - obsessed with Espeon and hair metal
Xiaoxi - typical Asian kid that loves scales, modes, and Chopin
yoman297 - his name makes me think of the yeoman from the Canterbury Tales
zgr0826 - loves St Anger, wrestling, and the Amish
Zombee - he used to be Sokka
Zoot_Allures - dickrides Nick Cave and Tom Waits like nobody's business

And that's pretty much the Pit. A few of the users I mentioned have been permabanned, but I still include them because they are still somewhat relevant.

If anyone don't see their name, it's because I haven't gotten to them or because I don't really know anything about them.
9:07 pm - 30 comments - 17 Kudos
Saturday, March 31, 2012

Why I Don't Like Nightwish

Current mood: displeased

This sometimes comes up in the forums, so I figured I'd make a blog so that way I can direct people here or just copy and paste it.

Now, before I explain, I'll make an analogy.  Everyone likes cheeseburgers, right?  Right.  Anyone that doesn't like cheeseburgers is a tree stump and not a person as far as I am concerned.  So everyone likes cheeseburgers.

So let's say that you go to your favorite restaurant.  You order a cheeseburger, with 1/2 lb of medium-rare beef, bacon, cheddar, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, etc.  The works.  And so you get it.  It looks great.  You take a bite.  At first, it's great, but something is not quite right.  You take another bite.  At this point, you know that something is definitely wrong here.  So you take off that top half of the bun, and...

What the fuck!?  The burger patty... is no more than an ounce of beef, if that.  And to make matters worse, it's fucking well-done.  FUCKING WELL-DONE!  And without any cheese!  Again, what the fuck!?

This isn't a cheeseburger.  This is like... a BLT with a lump of charcoal.  Now, there's nothing wrong with a BLT, but if I wanted one, I would have ordered one!  And I most certainly did not order a BLT.  But you've still got that ounce of... I don't know what... on there. 

I was promised an 8 oz cheeseburger, and clearly that is not what I received.  Listening to Nightwish is the same.  I am being promised quality metal, but that is clearly not what I'm getting.  The metal elements are so generic and watered down, they are almost non-existent.  I don't even know if you can call it metal.  It's more like pop music with distorted guitars. 

And speaking of pop music, the production of their albums completely kills pretty much anything they had.  Just like the disappointingly small 1 oz patty in the burger, which (because it was well-done) had all chances of it being decent brutally ripped away, the completely over-done production here does the same.  That is certainly not how a metal album should sound, production-wise.  Now Tomb of the Mutilated or Effigy of The Forgotten are perfect examples of what a metal album should sound like. 

I'll probably add more to this at a later point, but for now I have to go and get my pizza out of the oven before it is burnt to fucking ashes.
1:48 am - 3 comments - 4 Kudos
Sunday, January 01, 2012

The Story of Cannibal Corpse, part I

Current mood: melancholy

Let’s face it:  stuff is awesome.  Cheeseburgers are awesome.  Sweet guitar licks are awesome.  Hot chicks are awesome.  There are lots of awesome things out there.  But out of all the awesome things in the world, surely one has to be the most awesome of them all.  Many have long debated what this very pinnacle of awesomeness is, but there is only one thing in the world that can conclusively be deemed the most awesome thing in the world.  And that thing is…

Cannibal Corpse!

But there are some very important questions that Cannibal Corpse’s unrivaled awesomeness raises:  Why is Cannibal Corpse so awesome?  Where did they come from?  Who are they?  Why am I asking you all these questions?  Fear not!  For here and now, for the first time ever, I shall reveal… the true origin of Cannibal Corpse!  Keep reading, and all your questions will be answered!


Now, in order to understand the roots of these legendary musical geniuses, we need a little background information on their place of origin, Buffalo, New York.  Buffalo, New York is located about 11 minutes away from the Canadian border, and so it’s pretty far up north.  Naturally, it’s very cold in Buffalo, about as cold as most of Canada.  But because it’s not Canada, the people of Buffalo are not as silly and happy-go-lucky as Canadians.  When you consider that Buffalo sports teams have not won a championship in over 200 years, these factors add up to one thing:  life in Buffalo, New York is boring.  There is nothing to do in Buffalo, save for one small thing.  While Buffalo may just be one of the worst parts of this great country, they are also responsible for the second most awesome thing ever (behind only Cannibal Corpse themselves):  Buffalo wings.


Buffalo wings were invented circa 1669 through a joint effort between the native Iroquois Indians who lived there and the English pioneers.  The Indians provided the spicy, flavorful cayenne-and-vinegar based sauce, and the pioneers contributed the chicken wings.  Together, they created something that put Buffalo on the map, literally.  The entire city was created solely for the production of Buffalo wings, which is where the city gets its name from.  To this day, the manufacturing and exportation of Buffalo wings make up over 90% of the city’s economy.  Naturally, this means that the diets of people living in Buffalo also consist of over 90% Buffalo wings.  The problem here is that spicy food is a leading cause of insanity.  From firsthand experience, I can confirm this.  I mean, I put hot sauce on everything, and I’m just plain nutty! 

But what exactly does this have to do with Cannibal Corpse?  Everything, of course!  Being from Buffalo and therefore being exposed to Buffalo wings almost 24/7 had caused the brave trailblazers that would go on to form the band to become completely insane by 1978.  This dangerously high level of insanity coupled with massive amounts of boredom would forever change the face of death metal forever! 

And so the original members, being more bored than usual as a result of the Buffalo Bills failing to make the playoffs due to another 0-16 season therefore resulting in nothing to watch on TV on that cold January weekend, assembled together in a basement and started to jam on some AC/DC tunes the only tune AC/DC ever wrote.  These members were lead guitarist Jack “Ripper” Owens (not to be confused with his cousin Tim “Ripper” Owens), rhythm guitarist Rob Barrett (nephew of former Pink Floyd singer and guitarist Syd Barrett), bassist Alex Webster (great-grandson of Merriam Webster, author of Webster’s dictionary), drummer Paul Meserkawitz (he’s not related to anyone), and vocalist Chris Barnes.

So they started jamming on that one riff (the same one AC/DC plays for the length of each album).  It was pretty neat, except there was one little probable:  only Chris Barnes likes AC/DC.  So after a bit of arguing, they decided to try doing of cover of Judas Priest’s song “Breaking the Law.”  It too was pretty neat, except once again there was one little problem:  Chris Barnes was incapable of hitting any notes over low Z, thus making Judas Priest covers impractical.  This problem was quickly remedied by tuning the guitars down to Drop-Z tuning to accommodate Chris Barnes’s vocal range.

With the new lower tuned guitars, our heroes realized that their riffs were at least 2 5/8 times heavier than previously, therefore making the riffs sound really cool.  The fearsome combination of Chris Barnes’s vocals and the super heavy guitar riffs was augmented by the addition of a brand new drumming style courtesy of Paul Moserkiwits:  the “hit the snare and bass drums as fast as you can a bunch of times in a row” style, called “blast beats” for short (this name is believed to be derived from Paul Muzurcawex yelling “Blast!” when he realized that he didn’t actually know how to play drums, resulting in the creation of this new drum pattern). 

Having developed a signature sound, the band decided that they needed a name.  They decided that since Alex Webster was the heir to the Webster Dictionary legacy, and more importantly because he was the bassist and therefore didn’t really contribute anything else to the band, it was fitting that he created a name.  Naturally, he did what all great men do when they need to figure out a name:  choose random words from the dictionary, which were “Bifocal” and “Refurbish.”  Unfortunately, these words were terrible, so through half an hour of running the words through different languages on Google Translate Alex Webster eventually ended up with “Cannibal Corpse.”

Now with both a name and a sound, Cannibal Corpse was ready to conquer the world and rock people’s socks off…


11:06 pm - 4 comments - 4 Kudos
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