-There are a million players out there that are as good as you or better.
-If you are lucky, you fall in with the right guy that knows a guy.
-You get a gig doing whatever and they ask you to do whatever.
-You are able to handle whatever is asked of you.
-You show up on time and prepared every time.
-People have an overall pleasant experience working with you.
If you goof up any of those three things (and you gotta get a lot of mileage before you qualify for any second chances) then next time they will ask one of those million other guys that are as good or as better than you.
Toni Loomi is known for helping to shape rock music, but his impact on the world of jazz could not be underestimated. Pink Floyd once said of Loomi:
"Well, y'know... I have always been... uh... in love with jazz I guess you could say, John Coltrane and Cannonball Adderley and the like. After I stopped playing with Led [Zeppelin] in the mid 70s, I really wanted to play rock music that could... uh... incorporate that sort of thing and other sounds, that sort of thing.
This was one of the reasons why I brought along Toni to come record on my albums. Back in the 70s jazz music was very... uncool, to say the least, particularly with rock musicians. There were some musicians like John Callahan and Roy O'Connor that were making these... it was called 'jazz fusion' I believe... where it was sort of a mixture of jazz and rock music.
That was what I wanted to do, but it was... hard to find people, since that was quite an ambitious thing to do. If you want to play a rock festival, they throw bottles at you. If you want to play a jazz festival, they throw bottles at you.
But Toni... I knew that if I could just get him on board, there was some hope yet of acceptance of that kind of sound I wanted. Toni has always loved music in a rather... bizarre sort of way, all kinds of it. He would always bring home strange records and try to show them to us. Toni was always a big fan of jazz music, and so he was more than happy to play the sort of thing that I wanted to play.
We cut our first album in that style, "Strange is the New Normal", in spring of 1977. On the one hand, it was Toni and myself, so I was expecting good things to come out of the sessions. On the other though... we were bringing two worlds together in a rather big way, and so there were certainly worries that this would get to big and rich critical mass and explode in our faces.
When we sat down and listen to the whole thing, I though, 'bloody hell, this is going to change everything.' Toni managed to perfectly blend jazz and rock in a way that I can't even begin to imagine. It was just brilliant, when it gets right to the point.
The music was, surprisingly, very well received by fans of rock music. I think, if anything at all, it was because it sort of... it had the fire that jazz music just didn't have. Rock is loud and powerful and taking the piss from life, while jazz is soft and... not so powerful. Toni sort of... added the raw sonic force of his electric guitar which gave jazz the sort of scream that it needed to make it into the outside.
In a way, Toni was the kick jazz needed to become a real force in music, and in that way, he really had an impact. To this day, you won't find a single jazz guitar player that can say that Toni's playing didn't effect them in some sort of way or another."
As we all know, Toni Loomi's riffs were a huge game changer for rock music. Each year, countless teenagers pick up their first guitar with only one thing in mind: learning to recreate the magic of Toni Loomi's legendary guitar riffs.
Dave Growl said it best:
"Well like... there was just some magic when it came to Toni's riffs. They could be so simple or so complex, sometimes even both at the same time. I don't know. But either way... there was always something that was just inexplicably powerful about them. You had songs like "The Man with the Hammer" where it was... there's just one riff the whole song consisting of F# powerchords on the two low strings, but it's such a great riff.
On the other hand, you had some of the tunes that he wrote from Pink Floyd's solo material in the late 70s. They continued to play together after parting ways with Led Zeppelin in 1976. Really great chemistry between the two of them. Anyway... Pink was at the height of both his drug use and his jazz fusion phase, and so naturally he tried to incorporate all kinds of nutty things in the music.
I remember the first time that I heard the riff to "Keep Tossing those Word Salads" on Pink's "Gustav, the Madman of Stockholm" album... oh man. There was just no making heads or tails of that one. It was like... to this day, people are still trying to figure out how he made that one work. I have heard many people attempt it, but nobody can quite nail it.
There was this one time that I saw good old Wrongway [author's note: Swedish guitar virtuoso Yngve Mammoth, commonly referred to as "Wrongway" due to a combination of his infamous tendency to complain about producers, his live musicians, his management, and flight attendants of always doing everything the "wrong way" and his name being impossible to pronounce correctly] playing in Seattle. Oh man... dude tried to cover "The Purple Skies of Venice Beach" off of "Gustav" and came up way short. I think that it's the only time I have ever seen an audience actually throw their shoes at a musician in person.
Point is... if a legend like Wrongway, who is just amazing despite how rude and arrogant he is, can't even pull off one of Toni Loomi's signature riffs... I think that that says it all."
In addition to a seemingly limitless amount of testimony from rock legends, Toni Loomi has also received considerable recognition for his riffs from many leading rock music and guitar magazines.
Here is a brief selection of accolades relating to Toni's riffs:
25 Best Rock Riffs of the 70s (Guitar Lord Magizine, 1980):
---1. Pink Floyd - "Where the Rat Nests" (Build a Better Mousetrap)
---4. Led Zeppelin - "Where They Don't Have Streets" (Led Zeppelin II)
---9. Led Zeppelin - "The Man with the Hammer" (Led Zeppelin VI)
--17. Toni Loomi - "Wrong Side of the Tracks" (I Did a Solo Album)
--23. Pink Floyd - "If I were a Machine" (Strange is the New Normal)
50 Greatest Hard Rock Riff Writers (Falling Tree Magazine, 1985):
---1. Toni Loomi (Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Blank Stare, The Scream)
10 Riffs that Should Never, Ever, Ever be Attempted (Modern Guitar, 1986):
---1. Pink Floyd - "Keep Tossing those Word Salads"
---7. The Scream - "That's Not My Problem"
20 Riffs that Shaped Rock Music (Rock 'n' Roll Magazine, 1989):
---Blank Stare - "F-105 Thunderchief" (1966)
---Led Zeppelin - "It Takes a Thief to Catch a Thief" (1969)
---Pink Floyd - "Keep Tossing those Word Salads" (1978)
---The Scream - "If a Tree Screams in the Forest..." (1986)
40 Riffs to Pick up Chicks (Guitar Sleaze, 1992):
---Blank Stare - "Of Mice and Bigger Mice" (Micecream, 1967)
---Led Zeppelin - "Stairway to Upstairs" (Led Zeppelin IV, 1973)
---Pink Floyd - "Robot Descartes" (Strange is the New Normal, 1977)
With such an impressive collection of feathers in his cap, there really isn't much more that we can say, so we'll let the man himself sum it up:
"I always try to make a riff that will stick with the listener, first time. Something that gets people to stop what they are doing and turn their attention to the radio. But really, it's all about what works for the song. Sometimes you need something that's just there, but sometimes you need a real showstopper. I think that learning when to tone it down and when to really pour it on was one of the trickiest, but most rewarding, things to learn.
I think that Rocky Mountain Tim would probably be my biggest riff writing influence for that reason. That guy really knew when to go big and when to just sort of go regular sized with his riffs. Brilliant guy, never hogged the spotlight from those around him, though he could easily have ran circles around them all. *laughs*
Really though I just write riffs that I would want to hear over and over, because let's face it... if I don't even want to hear one of my riffs, who does?"
Toni Loomi needs no introduction, and so I will not introduce him.
There has been much confusion over the years as to where the nickname "Loombag" came from. Was it a reference to sex, drugs, or rock 'n' roll? Was it a reference to the late-but-not-as-great Dimbag Darnell of Panera fame?
There are many rumors and myths surrounding the origin of "Loombag", which, consider the number of rumors and myths surrounding the man himself.
It's really a very interesting story that can be traced back to around 1971 during his 7 year tenure as the lead guitarist in Led Zeppelin's backing band, where his trademark riffs and licks contributed to Led's success tremendously.
In fact, in a 1987 interview with Led Zeppelin's bass player and lyrical genius, Pink Floyd, said of Loomi:
"Well, you know... he [Toni Loomi] was really the major contributor to the band's sound. I mean, he would be the first one to admit that we all contributed to the band, but really... his riffs were the glue that sort of... made the whole beast sort stick together. Rock music has always been the sound of the electric guitar, and so in those days the skill of the guitarist was what would... uh... really make and break your sound."
Later in the same interview Floyd was asked about the origin of the "Loombag" name:
"Ah, well... You know... Back in... err... maybe '68, '69 was it? Something around there anyway. Well, point is... Jeff Rowtall had been playing the flute or something like that on tour with us in support of the album, and he had... uhh... been asked about Toni in an interview. He made some remark... something or other... about how he had this... sort of... "bag" of licks that he just... knew. Front and back, in and out. And he could just pull out just the right lick, not matter."
Going back to Jeff Rowtall's interview:
"I have played with a number of interviewers [sic] in my years, but Toni's approach to improvising is, I think, the hands-down most sophisticated approach to improvising as... He sort of... works on these licks, knows how they work. Then he can take little titbits of this lick or that from here or there and sort of... intertwine them in the most jaw-dropping manner."
In the years after that, Floyd and Rowtall began to refer to "Loomi's bag of licks" and over time, this was shortened to his "Loomi-bag". Floyd had this to say on the course of this change:
"We [Pink and I] started to sort of jokingly talk about how Toni could just reach into his "bag of licks" and just grab a little nugget out and just wow the audience. This term became quite... cumbersome, I guess you could say... *laughs* And so we shortened it to "Loomi-bag" by around early '71. At some point, we just sort of further contractioned (sic) it further to "Loombag" since we all agreed that the "eee" sound in the middle sounded bloody f***ing stupid, when it gets right down to it."
At some point, the term "Loombag" moved from referring to Toni Loomi's bag of licks to the man himself, and the rest, as they say, is history.
This is the perfect opportunity to explain binomial nomenclature, since this is the way many dinosaurs are referred to and people always mess it up, especially with T. rex. If you ever notice, in science they use funny Greek and Latin names
that nobody understands to name organisms. The animal is referred to by
its genus and species. It is written like this:
"Genus species" or "G. species" for short.
Also, a subspecies name can be added:
"Genus species subspecies" or "G. s. subspecies" for short.
The genus name is capitalized, and the species (and subspecies) are left
lowercase. A period is used after the abbreviated genus and species
names when applicable. Genus, species, and subspecies names should be
italicized even when abbreviated. Though italicizing on the forums is a
pain since Ctrl+I doesn't seem to work, so it's probably better to
forget that. Anyway, the binomial nomenclature of T. rex is Tyrannosaurus rex
(the genus meaning "tyrant lizard" and the species meaning "king," thus
making "king of the tyrant lizards") and can be abbreviated as T. rex. Only T. rex is correct; T-Rex, T. Rex, T-rex, t. rex, and t-rex are all incorrect.
Here are some more examples (no dinosaur examples; don't know any of the top of my head):
American black bear = Ursus americanus -> U. americanus
eastern black bear = Ursus americanus americanus -> U. a. americanus
moose (elk in Europe) = Alces alces -> A. alces
Shiras moose = Alces alces shirasi -> A. a. shirasi
tiger = Panthera tigris -> P. tigris
Caspian tiger = Panthera tigris virgata -> P. t. virgata
You get the idea. Hopefully some of you will now get this right. I doubt it though.
Let’s face it:stuff is
awesome.Cheeseburgers are awesome.Sweet guitar licks are awesome.Hot chicks are awesome.There are lots of awesome things out there.But out of all the awesome things in the
world, surely one has to be the most awesome of them all.Many have long debated what this very
pinnacle of awesomeness is, but there is only one thing in the world that can
conclusively be deemed the most awesome thing in the world.And that thing is…
But there are some very important questions that Cannibal
Corpse’s unrivaled awesomeness raises:Why is Cannibal Corpse so awesome?Where did they come from?Who are
they?Why am I asking you all these questions?Fear not!For here and now, for the first time ever, I shall reveal… the true origin
of Cannibal Corpse!Keep reading, and
all your questions will be answered!
Now, in order to understand the roots of these legendary
musical geniuses, we need a little background information on their place of
origin, Buffalo, New York.Buffalo, New
York is located about 11 minutes away from the Canadian border, and so it’s
pretty far up north.Naturally, it’s
very cold in Buffalo, about as cold as most of Canada.But because it’s not Canada, the people of
Buffalo are not as silly and happy-go-lucky as Canadians.When you consider that Buffalo sports teams
have not won a championship in over 200 years, these factors add up to one
thing:life in Buffalo, New York is boring.There is nothing to do in Buffalo,
save for one small thing.While Buffalo
may just be one of the worst parts of this great country, they are also
responsible for the second most awesome thing ever (behind only Cannibal Corpse
themselves): Buffalo wings.
Buffalo wings were invented circa 1669 through a joint effort between
the native Iroquois Indians who lived there and the English pioneers.The Indians provided the spicy, flavorful
cayenne-and-vinegar based sauce, and the pioneers contributed the chicken
wings.Together, they created something
that put Buffalo on the map, literally.The entire city was created solely for the production of Buffalo wings,
which is where the city gets its name from.To this day, the manufacturing and exportation of Buffalo wings make up
over 90% of the city’s economy.Naturally,
this means that the diets of people living in Buffalo also consist of over 90%
Buffalo wings.The problem here is that
spicy food is a leading cause of insanity.From firsthand experience, I can confirm this.I mean, I put hot sauce on everything, and
I’m just plain nutty!
But what exactly does this have
to do with Cannibal Corpse?Everything,
of course!Being from Buffalo and
therefore being exposed to Buffalo wings almost 24/7 had caused the brave
trailblazers that would go on to form the band to become completely insane by
1978.This dangerously high level of
insanity coupled with massive amounts of boredom would forever change the face
of death metal forever!
And so the original members, being more bored than usual as a
result of the Buffalo Bills failing to make the playoffs due to another 0-16
season therefore resulting in nothing to watch on TV on that cold January
weekend, assembled together in a basement and started to jam on some AC/DC tunes
the only tune AC/DC ever wrote. These
members were lead guitarist Jack “Ripper” Owens (not to be confused with his
cousin Tim “Ripper” Owens), rhythm guitarist Rob Barrett (nephew of former Pink
Floyd singer and guitarist Syd Barrett), bassist Alex Webster (great-grandson
of Merriam Webster, author of Webster’s dictionary), drummer Paul Meserkawitz
(he’s not related to anyone), and vocalist Chris Barnes.
So they started jamming on that one riff (the same one AC/DC
plays for the length of each album).It
was pretty neat, except there was one little probable:only Chris Barnes likes AC/DC.So after a bit of arguing, they decided to
try doing of cover of Judas Priest’s song “Breaking the Law.”It too was pretty neat, except once again
there was one little problem:Chris
Barnes was incapable of hitting any notes over low Z, thus making Judas Priest
covers impractical.This problem was
quickly remedied by tuning the guitars down to Drop-Z tuning to accommodate
Chris Barnes’s vocal range.
With the new lower tuned guitars, our heroes realized that
their riffs were at least 2 5/8 times heavier than previously, therefore making
the riffs sound really cool.The
fearsome combination of Chris Barnes’s vocals and the super heavy guitar riffs
was augmented by the addition of a brand new drumming style courtesy of Paul
Moserkiwits:the “hit the snare and bass
drums as fast as you can a bunch of times in a row” style, called “blast beats”
for short (this name is believed to be derived from Paul Muzurcawex yelling
“Blast!” when he realized that he didn’t actually know how to play drums,
resulting in the creation of this new drum pattern).
Having developed a signature sound, the band decided that they
needed a name.They decided that since
Alex Webster was the heir to the Webster Dictionary legacy, and more
importantly because he was the bassist and therefore didn’t really contribute
anything else to the band, it was fitting that he created a name.Naturally, he did what all great men do when
they need to figure out a name:choose
random words from the dictionary, which were “Bifocal” and “Refurbish.”Unfortunately, these words were terrible, so
through half an hour of running the words through different languages on Google
Translate Alex Webster eventually ended up with “Cannibal Corpse.”
Now with both a name and a sound, Cannibal Corpse was ready to
conquer the world and rock people’s socks off…
This is something that has long mystified many people, so I shall now explain to you where babies come from.
When a boy and a girl love each other, sometimes they decide that they want a baby. So they head up to a private place (usually their bedroom). They get naked and get under the blankets. That's where step one happens: paperwork. In order to receive a baby from the baby factory, the mommy and daddy have to fill out the necessary forms.
A private place and relaxing music are usually chosen to make this stressful and important process much less frustrating. The parents need to take off their clothes so they can get accurate pictures to submit with the forms in order for the baby to be made properly. Sometimes when a couple knows just what they are doing, they are able to fill out the paperwork in less than 10 minutes. Sometimes they take more time to choose things carefully.
When they finish, they send the completed forms off to the baby factory. The factory is very busy, so it will likely take awhile for them to start the order. For the time being, the soon-to-be parents can only prepare for the baby. For the future daddy, this involves selling all of his nice things in order to pay for the baby and clearing a space for it.
For the future mommy, it is a bit more complicated. When the new baby finally arrives, the mommy will have to eat it whole. To prepare to have such a large item in her belly, she must begin to stuff it full of food. This is why expecting mothers are always eating. They need to stretch their bellies gradually to fit the baby inside.
Meanwhile, the factory will eventually begin to process the paperwork. A team of specially trained storks will select the right components for the baby based off of a combination of the parents' request, the pictures of the parents, and what is available at the time. Due to the large number of requests for babies, the highest quality components are often used up quickly, so the production team has to make do with what is available.
After the baby has been designed and built, a delivery stork prepares it for delivery. The stork flies the baby to the parents' house in the middle of the night. The mommy must then eat the baby. Since she has been stuffing her belly as full as possible in the last few months, she will now be able to fit the baby inside. Once inside its mother's stomach, her digestive juices will kill off any germs that the baby may have picked up during manufacturing or delivery. For this reason, the baby is treated with special chemicals to prevent the mother's stomach from accidentally digesting the baby.
For the last bit of time, the baby works its way through the mother's body. Eventually, it will get to the end. At this time, the parents will go to the hospital. Once there, the mommy will poop out the baby, all ready for the world.
There are several things that could have gone wrong though. The order form can be filled out incorrectly or lost, the storks might select faulty components, the baby might be put together wrong, the baby not might be properly treated to handle the mother's digestive juices, etc. All of these problems can result in complications, but with the help of modern technology the factory can run more efficiently and problems can be prevented.
Since there are tons of threads asking for band names, I've decided to compile a list of all my responses. Feel free to use any of them. Most of them are ones I just made up, but a few are inside jokes with friends or just random phrases that people I know have said that I thought would fit in here. Also I'm there's bound to be some bands out there that use at least handful of these names already, but I don't really care.
Train Wreck (cause you just chug along until you breakdown) Megadeath (problem Dave Mustaine?) Lars and the Ulrichs Gored by a Bison Putrefied Puppies The Terrorists Iron *insert animal name* Fuck Subtlety Team Skullfuck The Tree Killers Angry White Kids Squirrel Chasers The Barnacleheads 69 P.O.O.P March of the Aprils Captain Ridiculous Smokey and the Arsonists The Planeteers Propane Dizzy and the Gillespies Chocolate Thieves The Planks Cunt The Band Bones of the Bishop The New Jersey Boys A Modest Proposal Carnival of Doom The Ghost of Captain Cutler Subzero The Antigravity Lads Smacked in the Face Pseudo Intellectuals Bactrian Camel The Lava Lamps Skull Squisher The Hippest Hipsters The Unoriginal Names Smelting Salt Mola mola Beethoven's Hacksaw Sawtooth Cecil LFO The Seaborgs Norse the Band Thoroughly Confuzzled The Lake Monsters Sloth Bear The Moderators Fun with Magick Penguin Factory Popsicle Lickers Sex Farm The School of Hard Socks Jerome and the Frogs Raw Nerve Han and the Solos The Raptor Jesus Experience Kung Fu Fighters The Ugly Ducklings Brain Damage I Used Jeigan and Lost King Fear Slipshod Slanderous Rhinoceros Mystery Ink Cars Go Fast Roots of Angst Dog Shit The Drunk Raccoons Pissed Off SARS Ulrich Albino Black People King Kobra The Communists Chateau Du Pain Bach's Last Fugue Chicago Typewriter Striker Z The B42's Ditch Digger Guy Montag is My Hero Bill Nye and the Science Guys The Clam Burglars Fishface Squeezable Entrails Horse Glue The Homonyms Taking Out the Trash Life Sucks Supersized Agent Steve Flank Steak Orphanage Fire My Friends are all Dead Pulpless Orange Juice Vitamin Fist Junk Mail Dinosaur Sr Funkface The Cow Pies I Am Error Your New Overlords Pizza Planet The Cave Trolls The Legend of Spam-A-Lot Choking on Coke Random Words That Don't Mean Anything The Adbots Thunderfuck
The Dick Cheney Experience
No More Mr Nice Guy
The Purple Elephants
Ash and the Ketchums
Larry and the Plumbers
Conway the Contaminationist
Shitfuck Band of Goats
Goat the Band
The Goats Megazord Spurious Correlation Moderately Successful Dr Kelp The Pizza Delivery Boys A Day in the Knife The Pickleweasles Hipster Jim Fire Blast Salty Sam Scramasax
Calling All Creeps
The Class Presidents
Zombie School Ursus arctos
Ghosts of Fear Street
The Jason Lee Scott Experience
A Flock of Beagles
Rancid Raccoon Monster Blood The Rutabaga Ruffians Prancing In The Meadow The Fear of Mice Johnny Ne'er-Do-Well Flippy The Duck Rapist Goldfish Mess Second Rate Fiddlers Froggy Funeral Storm The Castle Brie and the Cheese Thieves
The Minor Seconds
Scene Kidz Wit Attitude
Our Parents don't Care about Us
The Miss Piggy Experience
Squeeeeeeee The Ranting Swedes The Finnish Lasts Malboro Candles Nymphomaniacal Psycho Bitches The Longest Winter Gamma Ray Gary Uncle Snort and The Moose Those Damn Conspirators The Health Inspectors Roast Beast The Musicians Famous Last Words The Nematodes More Of The Same Kings Of Carnage Tonberry Turnips Friction Purple Platypus Bears Octopodes From Saturn Spatula City Hardworking Comrades Rhyme and Punishment Lolly and the Poopdecks Fatal Flaw Cool Story and the Bros Pony Massacre Agitating the Graveler Faulty to a Fault Frogmen The Badgermoles Flimsy Cardboard Houses We Destroy Things With Things Drunk Divers Trap Happy Leave All Ropes Revival of The Fittest The Strat Burglars Inhumanely Euthanized Large and In Charge Thunder Buster and The Wet Stuff Smirkwood Forest Chunky Puffs SS Disaster Wormbait Wisteria Wizards Crimson Crater
Turquoise Tortoise Oodles of Whangdoodles Puppy Erasers Jerry Went to Canada Snozberry Poptarts iFap 2 iCarly The Stupid Assholes From Bad to Offal Mediocre Clarinet Players The Hash Slinging Slashers Slamburger Jennifer Souffle Contemporary Conifers Don't Ask, Don't Care The Curse of Evil Tim Robot Rebel Ranch The Mega Muntjacs Magnus The Magnificent Modern Monsters Dope Opera Burnt to a Crisp Hooked on Mnemonics Maxwell and The Mechanical Marvels Swimming For Ocean Shells Coyote Cookout Tons of Guns The Smoking Hun Cunt of The Litter Luck of the Claw Righty Rick and The Lefty Lepers Severely Severed Recently Released Sheer Cold DJ Tanner Ferris Bueller's Way Off Streaking Duck Fucked Tape Fettle of Honor The Lone Lemon A Pirate's Knife For Me Spontaneous Dolphin Combustion Canadian Leptons Captain Fathead Robot E. Lee Teddy Treebark Marty Mailbox Cockroach Country Rowdy Rhombuses The Spectacular Specters Queefcase Puppet Pornography Keister Bunny A Very Big Mess Tragic Johnson Artichoke Syrup Soup LARPers Faerie Andrea Yates is a MILF Bastard Squad