Testimony Part 2
God is Good
So much has happened since the Spring of 1995, which is where I left off in Part 1. Through 1995 to 200, I continued to work at CAB Health and Recovery Services as a detox nurse. Eventually I wound up being the admissions coordinator. Lots of challenges! Our family continued to attend Community Church of East Gloucester and we were thriving. In the fall of 1998, I was running the detox admissions when the director of the agency told me that in order to keep the Detox solvent, we needed to maintain a 115% occupancy rate. I told him that this was an impossible task, that he was not staffing the detox properly for level of client treatment, and that he did not have the admissions staff to accomplish this. He said that it didn’t matter and that was what I needed to do. So that is when I felt the Lord leading me out of the nursing profession.
Karry and I were doing Nursery duty at our church one Sunday when a good friend of mine suggested that I look into the computer field. I have always had a computer and was always the geek who people came to for computer advice. Could I really make a career out of it? I investigated Clark University and found that I could go to school for 24 weeks and get certificates in PC Service and Support and Windows NT Administration. I attended Clark, got the certificates, and my last day as a nurse was Christmas day 1999. Since then I have worked for MyWay.com, Alliance Consulting, and Groove Networks. In March of 2005, Groove was bought by Microsoft. I have been working for them since.
In 1996, the five year anniversary of my last bout with Hodgkin’s disease, Karry and I decided that it was time to think about having another child. The first thing we had to do was determine if I was truly sterile from the chemotherapy. Through an embarrassing series of events (suffice it to say that the sample had to be less than 20 minutes old and I live 40 minute away from the lab), we did determine that I was indeed sterile. I also had the annual gallium scan and check up with my oncologist. When I had the scan, they noticed another anomaly in my neck area. Was the cancer back? We quickly set an appointment for a CAT scan.
This was very scary. But, unlike the last time, I sought refuge in my God, my wife, and my pastor. We prayed throughout the afternoon that whatever God’s will was – whether or not I was to endure cancer again – that we would be strengthened by the Holy Spirit and that this would be testimony to God’s love and grace. We were ready, because we had our eyes and our priorities straight.
The CAT scan revealed that there was nothing in my neck and that the cancer had not returned. I was very relieved, but also encouraged in the way God had led us through this time. After my oncologist delivered the news about the CAT scan, I asked her about the future.
“Am I in remission?” I asked
“Yes, you are officially in remission. However you still need annual Gallium scans.” She replied
“Why? Why should I have to go through this every year?”
You see, Gallium scans are when they inject a radioactive isotope into your blood. For the next 5 days, you go into the hospital and lie on a bed and are scanned. The scan takes about 2 hours. No fun.
“Well,” she said, “We need to make sure that the Hodgkin’s doesn’t come back.”
“OK, so let me ask you this. If I check myself and I find a lump and that lump turns out to be Hodgkin’s, would the treatment be any different?”
“No, it would not.”
“OK, is there any difference in survival rates between those caught by Gallium Scans and those caught otherwise?”
“No, there is not.”
“Doctor, it has been nice knowing you! Goodbye and thank you for all you have done.”
And so ended my yearly oncology visits. What was up next was the process for adoption. Now that I was officially in remission, we felt the Lord leading us to adopt a girl. We needed a daughter and Ian needed a sister to complete our family. We started the process by researching the laws in Massachusetts. We discovered that in Massachusetts, adoptions are done through certified agencies only. No private adoptions. Also the laws around domestic adoptions were not very strong – meaning that if we were to adopt a girl, there would be a risk that another family member could sue us for custody down the road. Not cool. So we started to investigate agencies and international adoption.
The first agency we went to seemed to be really cool. We went to a seminar held by the agency to find out more. They had a number of mothers who had given up their children for adoption as well as several adoptive parents testify as to what their experiences were. Karry and I had a really good feeling about this agency until the next day. That was when we turned on the news only to see the lady who was in charge of the agency (and who gave the presentation the night before) being hauled off in hand cuffs being accused of fraud and extortion. OK, so maybe that agency was out.
Then we discovered Wide Horizons for Children. This was an agency that specialized in international adoptions. We did our research, prayed a whole bunch and decided that this was the agency to go with. Looking through the different countries, each one had its own process and criteria and cost. My parents gave us the gift of paying for the adoption, so money, thank you Mom and Dad, was not a problem. But we had some other criteria:
1. We needed to have the child escorted – this eliminated Columbia (2 week visit to work in orphanage, go back home, then return for 3 more weeks), China (receive your child and then go on a 2 week vacation around the mainland), Russia (up to 7 week stay in country) as well as some others
2. We had Ian already - this eliminated China again
3. Were not Catholic - did not eliminate the Philippines but would make it harder
4. We wanted a girl - that eliminated the Philippines, Columbia, Ecuador, and a bunch of others who do not allow sex selection
So that left us with South Korea. We applied to the Korean program, went through the all the paper work, home study, and interviews, and were accepted into the program. Now was the time to wait. We started this process in fall of 1996. We were accepted into the program in the spring of 1997. The waiting began through the summer. In the middle of the summer of 1997, we were contacted by the agency to see whether we were willing to consider a special needs child. Special Needs could mean near sightedness or it could mean severe brain damage. We always had the right of refusal, so we said that we would consider special needs. Within a week of that agreement we had our first referral. This was a little girl who had been born a couple of weeks premature and was jaundiced. We received some pictures (they were faxed so a bit blurry – remember this is now 1997 when faxes were still a fairly brand new thing) and fell in love with her. We said yes.
But it was not to be. There was a family in line ahead of us that decided to take her. This was unbeknownst to us so we had a week of joy thinking that we were going to finally have our daughter come home, only to have that taken away. Karry and I were really disappointed, but we persevered forward. The next little girl that came our way was born with some potentially severe brain injuries. It killed us to do this but we said no. It just wasn’t the right thing. Ian would already be a bit displaced with the whole adoption thing. Having a brain damaged child would further displace him. I think about that little girl, where ever she may be. I pray she found the right home. God is good.
But we had no idea how good God is until we received our third referral. This little girl was born a couple of weeks premature (no problem, so was Ian), was jaundiced (again, so was Ian, stick him in the sun for a few minutes each day and that goes away), and had a very odd finding. She has six fingers on each hand and six toes on each foot. We received the blurry faxed pictures and completely fell in love. She was our daughter. She was our Abagail (which means father’s joy – we added an “a” instead of an “i” to accentuate Abba which in Aramaic – the language Jesus spoke - means father). We said yes to the referral. Abagail was born July 29, 1997 and given the name Lee Jung Sun (Jung: Honesty; Sun: Goodness; Lee: common family name, sort of like Jones or Smith). We said yes to the referral in November of 1997. So now it was time to…
Wait again…
Every few weeks we would receive updates from the agency in Korea on Jung Sun’s progress. What started to unfold as the weeks of waiting went by was that there was some concern over her development. It was around Christmas time that Karry went through a major depression. She missed and wanted to hold her daughter so very much that it brought her down emotionally. She cried many times over the loss of not having any more children on her own and deeply longed for her little girl to come home. Her depression was deep and it was profound.
So it was in between Christmas and New Year’s that I received a phone call from the agency. The counselor stated that the most recent medical evaluation of our Abagail Jung Sun was that there was a suspicion of Cerebral Palsy. I was devastated. How was I going to tell Karry? She had been so down and out emotionally, was this going to send her over the edge? I prayed hard, asking God to bless her and prepare her spirit for the news.
She had gone out that night with some friends and was returning home when I prepared to tell her. She was praying with her friends about her emotions and the adoption. As soon as she went up our front steps and right before she went through our front door, she spoke out loud without any provocation:
“…greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world” (I John 4:4)
And
“…no weapon forged against you shall prevail…” (Isaiah 54:17)
God prepared her heart for what I was going to tell her. When she came through the door, I hugged her, and then told her the news. She told me that God was in control, and that all will be alright. As we hugged and cried, we knew that God was going to take care of this.
We told family and friends that there was a possibility of CP, and some of our dearest friends and family even advised for us to stop the adoption. However, little Jung Sun, our little Abagail, was our daughter. Even though we couldn’t hold her and care for her, we had already bonded with her. She was our daughter – end of story!
Finally in March (1 ½ years since we started the whole process) we received word that Abagail Jung Sun Johnston was coming home. Our little family was complete.
Through physical therapy and some investigation, it turns out that Abagail does not have CP. We suspected that the problem was she was held in a papoose like contraption for most of her days in Korea. Her foster mother was in her 60’s and did not let little Jung Sun down to play. However, as soon as Abagail got with other kids, she had a rugged determination (her physical therapist called her “motivated” to catch up. And catch up she did! She is now a happy and healthy six toed (we had the extra fingers removed as they were impeding her fine motor development) beautiful girl. Praise God for he is good!
Another huge development for us after Part 1 of my testimony was the diagnosis of my son Ian’s Attention Deficit Disorder. This came in around the first grade when his teacher felt he needed some intervention. After two psychological evaluations confirmed the diagnosis (one was by the school and one was from a psychologist that we hired) we agreed that he needed extra intervention at school. We had many meetings with his teachers, school counselors, and special education teachers. We developed an Individual Education Plan that had measurable goals. Through out Elementary school, Ian thrived. He excelled in math and science – he loved to learn. We asked him once when he was going to stop asking why. He told us he would stop asking why when he knew everything. He read National Geographic magazine (yes, he read them), read all of the instruction manuals for appliances and cars. This kid is a sponge for knowledge. It has been a long road with Ian and his ADD, but he has really grown into his own accepting it as a part of who he is.
At first, we had him taking Ritalin, but the side effects were too severe for him. We then changed him to Adderol and he took that up until April of 2006. He would take the Adderol for a while, and then go on holidays away from the medication. Each time he started back on the medication, we (and he) felt as if a little piece of Ian disappeared. He just wasn’t himself. That spark of Ian left and we so dearly missed it. Sure, when he went on a holiday, it was tough for the first two weeks. But our boy returned, and we cherished those times. But the Adderol did what it was supposed to do and it worked well up until the 6th grade. The dreaded Middle School years.
When Ian entered the 6th grade, everything changed. The school really didn’t care about Ian, didn’t care about his Individual Education Plan, and didn’t care if he succeeded or failed. He was on his own. For the first time in his life, Ian hated school. At that time we had just switched churches. The church we were now going, Grace Fellowship Christian and Missionary Alliance Church, had a number of homeschooling families. Could we do this? Would it be worth the effort and time? One evening we had a long conversation with a mother who had graduated a son from homeschool and had a second son entering the high school years. We talked for a good long time, going over every aspect of how to do this. Finally, Karry looked at me and said, “I think we can do this”!
In October of 2003, we pulled Ian and Abby out of public school and started our home school adventure. In all that we have done in our lives, this has been probably the hardest and the most fulfilling. Karry is amazing at it. She has such a passion for teaching our kids. What has been most encouraging is the self motivation the kids have developed. Both of them have their times of rebellion, but they over all treasure the gift of having their education at home.
In February of 2006, Karry and I were at the New England Home show investing contractors to do windows and siding. During that show, we met a chiropractor who was giving free back rubs. Karry has always suffered from back pains and has had several times when she has had to go on muscle relaxers because the pain was so sever. I had wanted our family to go to a chiropractor for quite some time, but Karry was not yet on board with this. It was expensive, time consuming, and seemed to be just this side of hocus pocus. I understood where she was coming from.
But this chiropractor had a different take on things. We talked with him about our family and especially Ian. We told him our concerns about the Adderol and his ADD. He told us that through spinal adjustments, dietary adjustments, and environmental adjustments, there is a very good chance we could have him off the Adderol. I was thrilled, but Karry was ecstatic! We knew of a chiropractor in the building where I worked and we set an appointment with Dr. Steven Franson. We were evaluated with X-Rays and other instruments, and the results were very telling.
I had a Stage 2 subluxation (Stage 1 and 2 can be repaired, stage 3 cannot), Ian had a Stage 1, Abagail had a Stage 2. Abagail’s X-Rays were interesting because they really showed the trauma she endured by having to be wrapped up in a papoose the first 8 months of her life. Karry, before she heard the news of her stage, had completely convinced herself that she was a Stage 3. She was in such intense pain; she thoroughly believed there could be no cure for her. When Dr. Franson told Karry that she was a Stage 2, she literally fainted with relief.
In April 2006, the Johnston family embarked on a change in lifestyle that has only been positive. We eliminated milk from our diet and cut down on cheese products dramatically. We have gone towards more organic vegetables. We only buy meat that is antibiotic free, free range, and as natural as possible. We are exercising more, getting regular chiropractic adjustments, and are taking supplements such as fish oil and greens. The benefits have been that Karry is virtually pain free, Abagail is strengthening her posture and repairing the damage done in her infancy, Ian is completely off medication, and I am slowly but surely getting healthier. God is good!
Yes, indeed He is good. I have touched on the major events of my life since Part 1. ASI write all of this down, I am amazed by how much God has graced me with blessings that I could not have imagined so many years ago. One thing that I continually praise God for, but will not detail in this testimony, is that my father at age 63, finally gave up alcohol and entered a life of sobriety. That is a tale and a testimony for him to tell. But suffice it to say…
God is Good!!!
I remember the look on Karry’s face as we walked along the beach back in the summer of 1995. It was a look of hurt and betrayal. What was most disturbing was knowing that I had been the one to cause that look on her face. Our little boy, Ian was just 3 years old. We were walking along the rocky beach and the little guy kept tripping over the rocks. I picked him up and put him on my shoulders. Karry, in a reflexive way, said “Be careful, don’t fall”. “Mommy, daddies don’t fall”, said Ian. At that point, my heart was completely broken. “Yes Ian,” I said. “Sometimes daddies do fall.”
I need to go back to when I was 9 years old. This is when it all started. My family lived in Pennsylvania in a little farm town called Mainville. My father was an active alcoholic and had a penchant for belittling me and making me feel as small and weak. It was at that time that he discovered some old Playboy magazines that he had bought. He gave them to me and told me I should enjoy them.
In 6th grade, I went through a most traumatic experience. I was the kid in school that everyone picked on. I was beat up on a routine basis, rejected by all the kids, and was rejected by my father at home. But I found comfort. No, it wasn’t the comfort of a loving God. It wasn’t the comfort of a family. It was the false comfort of the magazines my father gave me.
My obsession with pornography grew as I grew. Even though I transferred to a Christian school, I kept up my obsession, stealing magazines from newsstands or from my friend’s fathers who had magazines. Sure I heard the Gospel at the school, but it wasn’t a Gospel of love and forgiveness. It was a gospel of guilt, legalism, and shame. The more I heard what they preached, the more I felt ashamed and low. The more my father, and now my sister, tormented me at home, the more I retreated to the only thing I knew that would give me comfort, the magazines.
Skipping ahead to 1980, I was in 8th grade. We had moved to Clinton, a small college town in upstate New York. There I abandoned all restraints of Christianity. I took up playing the guitar and hung out with fellow musician friends. Pot and alcohol were regular items at our jam sessions. But something kept tugging at me. Something was drawing me to church. Even though I never went, I wondered what I was missing. This continued until the spring of 1981.
In the spring of 1981, a friend of mine invited me to a youth meeting. He told me there were some really pretty girls who went. I thought that he had a good I idea so we went. It tuned out to be a Campus Life Youth For Christ group. Yuck! Not Christians again! But there was something different about these folks. They cared about kids. They accepted kids for who they were and where they were at. They knew the lifestyle I was involved in. But they loved me anyway. Most importantly, they let me know that God loved me.
In July of that year, the YFC group took a trip to Ocean City, New Jersey. It was during this time that I heard for the first time how there was a God who loved me. How he sent down His Son to die for my sins – to take my place. How my heart ached at this. I couldn’t give my life to God! He would just betray me like everyone else in my life. But something (I now know to be the Holy Spirit) kept tugging at me. On the last night, a call was given to all those who wanted to receive Jesus as their Savior. I was crying uncontrollably, but I would not go forward. Late that night, I was still crying. It was July 1st. A friend of mine, who knew that I played guitar, had me listen to a song by a brilliant Christian guitar player, Phil Keaggy. The song he played was called Rejoice. The chorus to the song went:
All the Angels in Heaven above
Rejoice when there’s a soul saved
All true saints of Jesus Christ
Rejoice when there’s a soul saved
My heart was finally melted. I gave my life to Christ. Even though I was raised to mistrust everyone and everything, I knew that God would never betray me. Even though my family were not believers and ridiculed my faith, I knew that God would always accept and love me for who I was.
Through High School, I grew in my faith. The YFC group discipled me in the Word and the Faith. I graduated and went to Gordon College. The second week of college, I met this wonderful girl from Franklin, New Hampshire. Karry turned out to be the love of my life. We dated all through college.
In the spring of 1987, I was finishing up a co-op experience and looking to graduate the next year. However, I began to notice that I was waking up in the middle of the night in cold sweats. I was frequently tired and fatigued. I also had developed this lump on the left side of my neck. I went to the doctor’s, had a biopsy of the lump, and received the diagnosis – Hodgkin’s disease, a form of lymphoma. Cancer. I went though surgery and 6 months of radiation treatments. Sure I was scared, but I was young, and death really wasn’t something that I considered.
I made it through the treatments and married Karry in June of 1988. In September of 1990, I started Nursing School. Through the two full time semesters at Nursing School, I was working 32 hours 3rd shift at Beverly Hospital. It was an exhausting pace. By the spring of 1991, I was completely burnt out and looking forward to a summer of just work.
Karry and I were taking a walk along Good Harbor Beach when she said to me:
“Gregg, I think we need to think about becoming parents”
“Sure, Karry. After I finish school we can…”
“No, I think in 9 months we need to think about becoming parents!”
Wow! We were going to be parents! It was a time of rejoicing – but there was one thing that kept us from truly rejoicing. A lump had formed in my neck again. 2 weeks after we found out that Karry was pregnant, we found out that the Hodgkin’s disease was back. This time I would go through chemotherapy. Last time, cancer was surreal, scary, but surreal. This time I was angry. I was bitter. Here I was, a father to be, in the middle of school, and God was going to hand me this! God had finally done what I thought he would never do. God had done to me what my father, the Christian School, my sister, and my peers in 6th grade had done to me. God had rejected me and had betrayed me.
This started a 3 year downward spiral of self abuse, anger, and bitterness. At the center of all of this was my old friend. A friend whom I had not abandoned, even though I had become a believer. A fiend who followed me through college and into my marriage. My friend pornography. I went headlong into it. I went through cycles of indulging, feeling guilty, purging, feeling better, and then starting all over again.
Years earlier, I had joined the Catholic Church. The reason for this I thought was theological. But in actuality it was because I could not grasp the concept of Grace. I was indulging the pornography and then feeling guilty. I couldn’t believe that God would just forgive me. I didn’t even consider that God would heal me because that would involve admitting it. I had to do things in order for God to accept me. I had to go through rituals and liturgy, and then God would forgive me.
But now that God had finally rejected me, I was free to embrace pornography with a new passion. Yes, I got through the cancer. My son was born. I graduated nursing school and got my RN. But I was still enraged at God. To compound the anger, when I graduated from nursing school, the only full time nursing job I could find was in a nursing home. This nursing home was very poorly run and it was one of the hardest jobs I ever had. I was miserable. I hated it. My anger and addiction to pornography deepened.
In the spring of 1995, I started a new Nursing job in a drug and alcohol detoxification center. I loved this job. I felt like it was finally something I could do well. During this time, I was in a purge part of my cycle. I was starting to hear about Promise Keepers and the call to integrity. I thought that this was pretty cool so I bought a new Bible and started to try to memorize scripture. I say try, because it wouldn’t take – I couldn’t keep scripture in my head! I remember one summer day driving to work, and I was trying desperately to memorize a passage. To this day I still do not remember which one. I t was then that God told me that I needed to get my life together. I needed to let Karry know what I was doing. I needed to repent, but not just repent – but accept His forgiveness and be healed.
So I told Karry everything. She was angry, hurt, and betrayed. But this confession started a long process of healing. We started going to a new church, one that preached the Grace of Christ. I started meeting with the pastor, developing an accountability relationship. Karry and I went to counseling to heal the wounds. In all of this, I found that God had never betrayed me. He had never rejected me. He only loved me and wanted to heal me. However, I was so comfortable in my pain and in my bitterness; I never bothered to let Him show it to me. I still struggle with the temptations. But God is gracious. He has given me His Holy Spirit who gives me the strength to overcome. Yes, sometimes daddies fall. But it is through our Heavenly Daddy that we can have the strength to overcome and find joy.
Sunday February 24th, one of our brothers went home to spend eternity with the King. If you don't know who Larry Norman was or what he means to modern Christian music, you should. Larry was one of the first, if not the first, to be inspired to write Christian Lyrics for his Rock and Roll songs. Way back in the late 60's in San Francisco, he and Randy Stonehill started playing the kind of music the hippies understood but with a message of hope, redemption, and love. One of his best songs was called The Outlaw:
Some say He was a outlaw That He roamed accross the land With a band of unschooled ruffians and a few old fishermen No one knew just were He came from, or exactly what He'd done But they said it must be something bad that kept Him on the run
Some say He was a poet That He'd stand upon a hill That His voice could calm an angry crowd or make the waves stand still That He spoke in many parables that few could understand But the people sat for hours just to listen to this man
Some say He was a sorcerer A man of mystery He could walk upon the water and make a blind man see That He conjured wine at weddings and did tricks with fish and bread That He talked of being born again and raised people from the dead
Some say a politician That He spoke of being free He was followed by the masses by the shores of Galilee He spoke out against corruption and bowed to no decree And they feared His strength and power so they nailed Him to a tree
Some say he was the Son of God A man above all men But he Came to be a servant and set us free from sin And that's who I believe He was, 'case that's what I believe And I think we should get ready cause it's almost time to leave
So when we are playing our drums, bass, guitars, and singing in keys and tones that is very natural for us, but not so much 40 years ago, let's thank God for His servant Larry. Larry's brother Charlie took down Larry's last words before he died yesterday morning:
"I feel like a prize in a box of cracker jacks with God's hand reaching down to pick me up. I have been under medical care for months. My wounds are getting bigger. I have trouble breathing. I am ready to fly home.
My brother Charles is right, I won't be here much longer. I can't do anything about it. My heart is too weak. I want to say goodbye to everyone. In the past you have generously supported me with prayer and finance and we will probably still need financial help.
My plan is to be buried in a simple pine box with some flowers inside. But still it will be costly because of funeral arrangement, transportation to the gravesite, entombment, coordination, legal papers etc. However money is not really what I need, I want to say I love you. I'd like to push back the darkness with my bravest effort. There will be a funeral posted here on the website, in case some of you want to attend. We are not sure of the date when I will die. Goodbye, farewell, we will meet again.
Goodbye, farewell, we'll meet again Somewhere beyond the sky. I pray that you will stay with God Goodbye, my friends, goodbye. Larry"
Thanks for indulging me. I am very sad because I will miss Larry. But I also celebrate his entry into eternity. If you do not own Larry's Trilogy of Only Visiting This Planet, So Long Ago the Garden, and In Another Land, I can say without hesitatio n they are monuments in Christian music. I was saved to Phil Keaggy song, "Rejoice". But it was the Trilogy that helped me understand what it meant to be a Christian.
You can order the Trilogy here. If you have a few extra bucks to spend, you will not be disappointed.
One last quote from Larry's song "Reader's Digest":
"This world's a mess I wonder who began it Don't ask me I'm only visiting this planet"
Blogging is something I find pretty hard to do. For me, it is really hard to write just for the sake of writing.Good writers sit down and hone their craft by writing every day.That is hard for me, but something I want to develop.So thus the blog.
At this point, I am taking a term off from school.My wife counted up all my hours from working full time and going to school full time.70-80 hours a week is a pretty tough schedule.So now I am kicking back and just working full time.Ohhhhh, the luxury!!
In the studio, I have been working on a song that I wrote a long time ago – “New Life”.I am also working a song by Tom Waits called “Down in the Hole” – Steve Earl is the latest to cover it and is the intro for the show “The Wire”.Love that song!!!
My buddy Jon is coming over tomorrow to start work on his CD.He has a whole bunch of songs written.I am hoping we can bang out 5 or 6 click tracks.We shall see!
NP – Doobie Brothers Live Rockin’ Down the Highway - I have been in a Doobie Brothers / Michal McDonald mood over the past few days.Michael’s new album, Soul Speak is very, very good.Highly recommend it.I love that guys voice.
| My Profile
sus4th's blogs, last updated : March 23, 2008
to catch up. And catch up she did! She is now a happy and healthy six toed (we had the extra fingers removed as they were impeding her fine motor development) beautiful girl. Praise God for he is good!