Douglas Adams aside, this blog will now be about things.
Like how I still have yet to quit smoking, although I have dropped around 10-15 pounds.
I don't know, sometimes moving on with life seems very... strange. Alien, almost. I'm 20 years old, I'll be 21 on March 5th. But I really just don't feel that old. Sure, I feel mature, but that's just how I am, how I've always been.
I still just feel like a teenager for some reason. I'm sure the fact that I'm single, work in the same place I did in high school, and still live at home is not helping much (but hey it saves an assload of money on college).
But it's not so much that as much as it just feels weird somewhat doing adult things, or spending money on "adult" things or very expensive things (within reason). Take the past few months. I bought a brand new Xbox, dropped over $800 on PC parts, paid car insurance, bought a classy desk (steel, glass and chrome whaaaaaaaat), spent over $300 dollars on christmas for my family, paid exorbitant amounts of money in gas, tuition, books, insurance, and phone bills...
I guess what the point of this convoluted excuse for a blog post is that I find it weird that I'm actually able to drop this money on these things and still leave myself in a position where I'm still able to live through to the next paycheck. It's strange and foreign actually having a budget to stick to. To not blow my money on stupid shit like I used to.
Hell I even have schedules made up for myself. When I'm not in class, I'm at work. If I'm not at work, I'm in class. If I'm not at either, I'm either doing homework or staying up super late just to have some chill time. I'm a founding father of a fraternity chapter at VCU, and I have responsibilities via committees and other things...
I'm growing up.
And honestly, it's slightly frightening. But I don't think it's because I have more responsibilities or that I'm buying large items or paying off "adult" things to pay for like bills and shit.
I think it's because of what I said earlier. I have all this responsibility. In a month I'll be a fully legal adult.
But I still feel like some stupid, awkward kid. And that unnerves me.
Basically this blog has absolutely no purpose other than showing people just how tiny changes in weapon parts and names in the weapon generation engine in Borderlands can change a decent weapon into an awesome one. Using the Combustion Hellfire as an example (since in my experience it has the most variance in stats based on parts), we'll look at a simple mag swap, a prefix addition, and a completely different prefix pulled from a different weapon name pool.
Here's a Combustion Hellfire with the best possible STANDARD high-ROF SMG parts the weapon can give you. Best standard SMG mag, best standard SMG barrel, best standard SMG stock and body.
BIG jump in damage, but also a big hit to ROF. The Thumper mag trades in ROF for higher damage. The SMG is now more powerful, but it's no longer a RATATATATA machine.
Now if you'll notice I've left "Autoname" checked. This is to keep weapons "legit", i.e. they are actually possible combinations that the Borderlands weapon engine will generate. Now, I'm gonna try and squeeze a little more performance out of the first variant of the Hellfire, the one with the standard mag, by changing it to a non-legit weapon type with a different prefix (since Combustion is technically the only legitimate prefix for the Hellfire).
The first image is from the available SMG prefixes. The second image I pulled from the Support Machine Gun prefix pool.
You'll notice that the rarity has actually turned from Legendary to Rare. This is because the only thing that give the Hellfire it's legendary status is it's name. Now, let's make it pearlescent (the highest level of rarity).
Hey everyone! Do you like gaming? Do you like tech? Do you like news involving said things? Game reviews? Mod reviews? Discussions with just regular Joe gamers about the state of the world? How about watching people make asses out of themselves during a feeble attempt to make something happen?
Then you should come visit the page of The Dead Pixel, a labor of love and, somewhat, self promotion.
It all began two years ago when I met my now close friend Mike. We always joked about how we should make a custom computer company. Discussed how G4 sucks so much balls these days and has almost no real gaming news anymore. Sure, for the giant press releases it's good, but other than that, not so much.
About a week ago, I approached him and asked him why we hadn't done anything with it. It's a cool idea; a gaming news/reviews/discussion page run by normal people simply because it would be fun, and hey, if we get a few people to follow us and like us along the way, then that's just icing on the cake. A way to promote a potential business venture, an excuse to just chill and talk games and tech with some of our best friends all because we just love to do it. Hell, we already have the discussions, why not put them online and get people in on the fun?
And so, The Dead Pixel and DeadPixel Studios was born about... 12 hours ago?
An unbiased, unpaid, page made just for the hell of it. By gamers, for gamers. And yeah, it's just a tumblr page for now in extreme infancy. But who knows? It could eventually become something. And you'll never know if you don't try, right?
Cheery title, right? I felt like being a bit poetic for a bit, so sue me.
That said, I am depressed. Not many people know it, because I've become quite good at hiding it. But I have trouble actually calling myself depressed, because I'm not one of those depressed people who acts like it all the time. When I'm with friends, or at work, or just having a good time, I'm happy. But when I'm back in my house with just my parents, or when I'm alone, I feel like shit.
It's almost as if I've become this person that feeds off of everyone else's happiness. I've always known that the only thing that makes me happy is to make and see others happy. As of late, though, it would seem that instead of just bringing me happiness, it's something I need. I need to see my friends happy. I need to be generous. I need kindness and happiness around me to not feel how I usually feel.
I smoke to make me forget about how I feel. Well, it's not even for that. I really don't know why I do. It's like I've got this masochistic attitude towards it. A deathwish, almost. I don't care if it kills me. And sometimes I'm not sure that, aside from the obvious people, anyone would really even be bothered much by it. I've been shown so much false kindness in my life that I have trouble separating when people are just being "nice" or are genuinely thankful for things I do. But, for those few minutes when that cig is burning, I can forget about everything. It's a nice little escape.
On that note, speaking of death, I have a strange attitude towards death. I'm not afraid of death. In fact, I welcome death. It's a fact of life; one of the few things that we know in complete certainty will happen. Death doesn't care how rich you are, how powerful you are, or how popular you are. And the inverse is true. Death is non-discriminatory. And I think that's why I have a fascination with it. It doesn't scare me. I know it's coming for me, hiding around every corner. Every time I ride my dirtbikes, get in my car, even walk down the street, I'm flirting with it.
I really have no idea what the point of this blog was. But it felt good to type it. Catharsis through keyboard once more.