Feel Free to Tear Me a New One/Critique My Writing
Wrote this last night accompanied by Steven Wilson's No Twilight Within the Courts Of The Sun. The atmosphere of the track sparked off the first sentence and the rest of it snowballed from there. I'd like to know what you think of it, it's only a short bit of writing (700 words, only half a chapter's worth of writing) but I'm wondering if I should continue.
The man with the briefcase knocked on the door. His suit was an
otherworldly shade of black with bright purple pinstripes shooting up
and down the length of his body. His hair was just above shoulder
length, parted in the middle and though it couldn’t be many shades off
the black of his suit, it contrasted violently; as though a painter had
forgotten how to mix that once vicious shade he so desired and
grudgingly settled for a hue just a tad lighter, hoping no one would
notice. If the man had eyes, they were rolled into the back of their
sockets, safely out view thanks to the thick, dark glasses that covered
the top half of the pale, enigmatic, oval slate that was his face. He
felt most relaxed when standing rigidly straight with his eyes rolled
back inside his head. It was when he was at the peak of relaxation that
he could perform optimally.
The large, arched, oak doors were at least three meters tall and
completely bare, devoid of any knocking apparatus or handle for with to
open the door. For another ten silent, irksome minutes the man held his
composure unerringly. At the tenth minute, he opened his eyes and even
through the dark, noir tint of his glasses, noticed his shadow had
changed position slightly. He brought a fist to his mouth, a
subconscious act of etiquette, as he cleared his throat and proceeded
to knock at the door again. No sooner had his pinstriped arm fell to
his side; he heard rain from behind the door. He cocked his head to the
side as he tried to discern the sound.
Regaining his composure, the man rolled his eyes back into their sweet
spot. He drew a short breath and held it tight. The sound of locks
being clicked and popped and scraped cascaded all the way from the head
of the door to its foot. As the door slid slightly ajar, a sliver of
glorious golden light poured through the gap, broken in three spots
where thick industrial chain kept the door at its current position. He
exhaled.
“Most gracious greetings, stranger. With what purpose do you request an
audience with the Master today?” A voice floated out on the light
emanating from within the bowels of the structure.
“I request an audience with the Master of the house today to discuss
business matters.” The man held the briefcase to the gap between the
doors. He heard the feet accompanying the voice inside take a few steps
back, as if threatened, worried that the briefcase could be a weapon of
some sort. The mood now had become so tense that hairs everywhere stood
up on no accord of their own. The suited man began to think of his Plan
B, but was interrupted by the voice from the recesses of the house.
“I’ll just be one second if you do not mind,” the voice meekly replied,
as the wooden door slid closed. There it was again - the sound of rain.
Keeping his cool, the man readjusted his suit and straightened his
shades. He wriggled the ends of his feet in his black, leather shoes as
he did on his long international flights to keep his blood circulating.
He needed to be ready to run if the situation called for it. The rain
returned in a speedy crescendo, and abruptly cut out when the door slid
open half as wide as it had been before.
The voice made no effort to mask its discontent as it spoke, though
half-winded, with the exasperation of someone who had just been slapped
across the face. “Master invites you inside. He asks of you to enjoy
the gardens for half an hour while he freshens up for your meeting.”
The door slid shut while the three final chains were removed and swung
open just enough for the man to walk inside. He opened his eyes and
what he saw, albeit through tinted glass, seemed to coax him forward,
like a playful mistress tugging at his collar. He caught himself, and
stepped cautiously through the doorway.
Seeing as I got a pretty good response from this in some thread I can't remember, I shall post this info for all my Firefox-using UG comrades. Prepare for a faster Firefox experience.
Ok part one: Type "about:config" in the address bar in Firefox. Type in OR scroll down to the following lines
Firefox makes one request to a webserver at a time, altering to the
following values makes multiple requests and REALLY speeds up loading.
Alter the entries as follows
network.http.pipelining to TRUE
network.http.proxy.pipelining to TRUE
network.http.pipelining.maxrequests Set a value number of 30, This
makes it so Firefox makes 30 requests at once and gets information
through faster.
now the last thing you want to do is right-click anywhere in an open
area and click on New Integer. Type in "nglayout.initialpaint.delay"
and set the Value to 0 (zero) This value is the amount of time the
browser waits before it acts on information it receives.
This is 100% safe and legal.
I stand by it. FF is now my only (and fastest) browser.
Pit! How I miss you. It seems every half-decent thread is being closed these days. They don't show it in their text, but rather in their mass-thread closing and bannage, that the mods are quite clearly insane in the membrane.
In conclusion, I want more random discussion instead of "oh this looks like it belongs somewhere else, better report it!". Bring back the old Pit!
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soulflyV's blogs, last updated : September 1, 2009
