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Friday, July 24, 2009


Current mood: apathetic

So this is my first blog ever. Blog blog bloggity blog.

I have often wondered about the purpose of blogs. Who writes a public diary entry to be published on the internet with no specific audience in mind? I guess I do. I don't think I could stoop lower if I tried.

I've been spending these past nights on UG, going in and out of The Pit in search of new threads or updates, until 2AM, for reasons I can't explain. As I periodically take the time out to consider my situation, I begin to fear that I've become everything I was afraid of becoming.
I was never particularly social. I was always whiny and cynical. And now I spend my nights insulting strangers over the internet, for the lulz. The sad thing is, I'm not alone. At any given time, there's about 600 others there. I hope their condition isn't like mine, but at the same time, I wouldn't be surprised if it was.

I do nothing all day.
I'm supposed to be enjoying the "best years of my life". I'm supposed to be celebrating my youth and energy while I still have it. I'm supposed to be doing CRAZY SHIT that I can tell my grandchildren stories about when I'm old.
But nay. I spent my teenage years in front of a screen. I have no desire to do anything else. That's right, folks, I'm not only boring and cynical, I'm apathetic as well!
I browse pictures that come up on my Facebook home page. Thousands of them, of my friends having fun together. Photos detailing picnics, house parties, nights out in town, even just hanging out with nothing in mind. I wonder why my circle of friends never have such gettogethers (is that a real word?). The truth is, they do. Without me, understandably.

I hardly even play guitar any more, even though now I've got all the time in the world. I repeat the same generic licks  over and over and over again. I only play about 3 short phrases now. I've forgotten everything I ever knew. I can't write songs, or transcribe. I ain't got no soul.

People say it's a phase I'm going through, this whole teenage apathy thing, but I don't think that's true cos I've been like this as far as I can remember.

Why am I even writing this? It's not like anyone will bother to read it. And if they did, I ask, why? Why do you care? There's nothing interesting here. This was improvised and written out of boredom.

Tomorrow I'll look back on this and think "What the fuck was I thinking?", but then towards the evening, the reality will sink in again, and I'll realise that everything I've written here is still relevant.

So in conclusion....actually, fuck conclusions, they remind me of english class.
I'm sorry for wasting your time. I'm sorry for sounding like a whiny emo kid. I hate whiny self-centered people too, but that's probably because they remind me of myself. I've always hated those "rebel without a cause" people who say stupid things like "fuck the system" when they have no idea what they're talking about. I recognise that I'm one of them, and do nothing about it. Fuck that shit.

I'm gonna sit here, reloading this page, hoping for comments which probably won't appear (and sympathy, even though I don't think I deserve it, it's probably the subconcious thought of it that pushed me into writing this). I understand, though. People have better things to do, and I admire that.

Don't make my mistake. Fight the addiction if you still can. I know you can. You're not me. You're not weak, naive and immature. You can achieve more than I can ever dream of. Now stop reading and go do something productive.

Also, The Game.

I have no idea why I wrote this whole thing. I will be ashamed later.

Where can I find motivation?
1:36 pm - 9 comments - 4 Kudos