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Saturday, July 10, 2010

Weird.

Current mood: listless

I know every once in a while, my blogs actually get read. You can't tell me the the 600-something blog views were all accidental. Most, maybe, but not all. Anyway.

There was about four paragraphs of stuff I have sitting here in a word document that, in the end, I'm not actually going to post here.
Mostly the product of a typical lonely Friday night put into words that don't quite string together... shit about the future, how I don't want to be in this place forever and actually go and do everything I've been dying to do, and how I'm actually starting to hate most of my friends. It's not a matter of me not wanting anyone to read my bawwwing and stupid bullshit, because I've never much hesitated in the past. At least not here. It's more of a matter that for once I can't finish what I wanted to say. It gets to a certain point where I keep writing, then totally lose my train of thought. And for once there's really no song, with a little line that sums it all together. Maybe one with no words, or words that don't actually mean anything.

So just know, dear reader, that I had all intentions of giving you something to yell at me about or judge me for. Which for a few (read: most) of you, I wouldn't much care if you did. Go ahead. I know what you're probably thinking anyway, and it doesn't really matter to me.

Because quite frankly, even I think I'm just...
7:46 am - 6 comments - 6 Kudos
Monday, March 08, 2010

[A Song of My Youth]

Current mood: blank

I stood there looking out at the crowd from the inside curtain. I was counting down the performances before I went on and quite frankly I was terrified. Five hundred pairs of eyes, a fraction of which I actually cared about. Five hundred pairs of ears, none of which have ever heard me perform before.

 

Not really sure what possessed me to try out. Really. I had no confidence, and what is a years worth of playing experience going to do onstage, anyway? Yeah, sure, it was easy. But at that point, I wasn't used to it. I had no idea what was to come afterward. A certain amount of acceptance, and the love from my classmates that I would probably have never achieved otherwise.

 

Had this moment never occurred, I probably wouldn’t be who I am now. I probably would’ve never been the songwriter in a ska band, that, had none of this ever happened, probably wouldn’t exist. People would’ve have known me for anything, and admittedly, I don’t look for acceptance, but the fact that I had managed to start making a name for myself, was nice.

 

Ever since, the song always had a bit of more meaning to me. Not least of which had to do with the person I had played it for still has no idea to this day. But now, it has this kind of connection to the past, which lately, I’ve been missing. Sure it was cheesy. But I’m secretly a cheesy person.

~

It was me and the Asian clan. I’m not being racist, I swear, everyone was Asian except for me and this guy that everyone always got along with. Can’t remember whose birthday it was, or whatever we were celebrating. No wait, it wasn’t a birthday. Maybe. I don’t know. Well, all I know is we were going back to school in about two hours time for the orchestra concert. So we all went to her house and ate all her food. And karaoke. Is anyone fucking surprised? But my love for the Beatles got me the top score. Which allowed me to maintain my belief that you can never go wrong with Yellow Submarine.

 

We got together every once in a while. Before school, sometimes after school. Just to hang out, because who the hell knows what was going to happen after high school.  But at the time, we weren't thinking about that. We were thinking about seeing bad horror movies, or do a group chorus of We Will Rock you for absolutely no score whatsoever, or to make up new identities, because we just weren’t that cool in real life. This group no longer exists. These memories only exist in the minds of who still don’t mind keeping these associations. Mostly me, because as it would seem today, these inseparable bonds between them have been shattered and lost.

~

We were just lying there staring at the sky, listening to Blackbird and who knows what else, halfway between somewhere and somewhere else. Kind of a real life purgatory, only to get to either heaven or hell we ran the risk of getting picked up and sent to a worse hell than we could really imagine at that point in time: our parents. The three of us were fed up, and just plain exhausted, tired of the system, tired of being force-fed what we knew we’d never use. A sad form of teenage rebellion, when we knew the next day we’d be too afraid to just walk away again, for fear of getting caught, and for fear of losing our so called chances at a future.

 

It was relaxing, this short little one-day break. To just be where no one would find us, and even if they did, they wouldn’t care, because they were probably doing the same thing. But it started out much less meditative. We had already run the risk of getting caught, having already been searched, and barely escaping having to speak to the police about a stolen something-or-other, who would be damn well informed of school being in session. Luck was on our side that day.

 

She probably wouldn’t remember it. Then again, she since then she won’t even associate with either of us. I know he does, we happen to have been talking about it yesterday. But probably not as vividly, at least not now. He’s got better things to think about these days.

~

Prom had just ended. At this point I don’t remember when we met up, but she was such a bad influence on me, damn it. And the weird thing was, unlike some of the night, I wasn’t feeling like a total third wheel. Her boyfriend was the one to follow US around Baltimore at one o’clock in the morning, looking for food, in heels and fancy ass dresses.

 

Upon approaching our destination, that is, Hard Rock Café, I was met with the live version of TNT, and assuming that meant they were open, that song had never sounded so good. But alas, of course it was only the bar. And we left, disappointed, and disgruntled, finding ourselves, fifteen minutes later, somewhere that just plain wouldn’t serve us. Long story short, after debating who that random guy was calling hot and a rather amusing phone fiasco, typical us, we ended up back at the hotel watching Law and Order on the lobby couch eating delivery.

 

Pretty sure it was somewhere during walking around Baltimore in five inch heels where I realized… there really never was a dull moment.

~

This is months late. I realize. Hell, it’s been a month just writing it, because I couldn’t come up with the right words. I’ve been doing way too much reminiscing for someone only nine months out of high school. Probably just because I like to think of the time before I actually realized I fucked up.

 

"This may never start.
We could fall apart.
And I'd be your memory."

3:51 am - 3 comments - 4 Kudos
Friday, July 10, 2009

{Something Different, Please Feel Free to Enjoy}

Current mood: amused

You'll notice the change in the title, different brackets, different content. For the first time, I've decided to make a blog not musically linked.
You know, to hold things over. I know I haven't written much lately, because lately, I've had issues translating my own personal feelings into words.  It's odd. But I will soon, I promise
This isn't something I myself wrote, but I felt like sharing it. I feel like the people that enjoyed
[The Beatles Were Right] will also enjoy this.

Without further ado...
How to Install LOVE

Tech Support: Hello … how can I help you?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I’ve decided to install
Love. Can you guide me through the process?

Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I’m not very technical, but I think I’m ready. What do I do first?

Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you
located your Heart?

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support: What programs are running ?

Customer: Let’s see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge
and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will
eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called HighSelf-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge andResentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?

Customer: I don’t know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, “Error - Program not run on external components.” What should I do?

Tech Support: Don’t worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.

Customer: So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.

Customer: Okay, done.

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the “My Heart” directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all
directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure
to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.

Customer: Thank you.



1:29 am - 11 comments - 11 Kudos
Saturday, December 27, 2008

[Yes. I like Motion City Soundtrack]

Current mood: contemplative

Sorry, guys, I gotta do some advertising real quick, then I'll get back to regularly scheduled programming.
Please vote in this poll. I'll love you forever and ever and then some.
Thank you very much.
~
As we get into the final stretch of this two thousand and eighth year, Ano Domini, I'd like to take some time to... mull things over from this past year. You know... look back. See what's gone on. See what I've gained, lost, fixed, and broken. And see what, God forbid, what I've got to look forward to next year.
So here goes...
~
2008 Year in Review, My Own Personal Year and Otherwise
  • I did not, in fact, fulfill my semi-recognized New Years Resolution of actually getting a boyfriend. Instead, I found out what love really is. To me at least.
  • Sudden, unwilling, and permanent isolation made me realize everything I had, and will probably never have again. Never take anything for granted. You never know what will happen to what you have.
  • Murphy's law seemed to be in full effect for the second half of my year. Never underestimate Murphy, he's kind of a douche sometimes.
  • The end of the world was overhyped, came, went, and I STILL didn't get my Free Dr. Pepper.
  • I discovered... I'm not invincible. We all need sleep sometimes.
  • Music can break nearly every awkward silence.
  • Inside jokes can sometimes save a friendship.
  • I always knew I'd love being in a ska band. There's just some feeling of redemption when you're up there on stage, stereotypical 2-tone, with the fedora, alongside a horn section, clean upstrokes, singin' about being a sell-out. God... There's something about it. I love it  
  • I've discovered a love for writing, both unrealistic fiction, and blogs about everyday life, taken from my perspective, with a musical twist on nearly all of it.
  • Death Magnetic. Yes. I am a Metallica fan-girl. Let me be.
  • I've found my judgemental side. Mostly based on first impression. Unfortunately, that's also something tied into my often accurate gut instinct.
  • Okay, okay... I'll admit... I love The Pit. There. I said it.
  • I found out that fedoras are sexy as hell. Don't judge me.
  • I've discovered a want, but an inability, to get along with those people who insist that they are related to me. I swear... I want to get along. It just doesn't happen.
  • I learned that I am awful at physics but I am actually, not to be giving myself too much credit or anything, but as my friend put it, "a spendid sound director". No lie, those aren't my words. Just thought I'd add that.
  • There was a point in 2008, somewhere around... late January to probably May at least... I was the happiest I'd ever been in my life. What I would give to have that feeling back.
~
My friend told me something a month or so ago I'd like to share. It was one of those things that, you know... stuck. It's a quote straight from a personal online conversation, I hope it strikes you as it did me: 

"You should be proud of everything about you from your physiognomy to the soles of your feet. Your very existence makes you worthy of all the pride and dignity you want to have. Keeping all that in the back of your head may seem like humility, but its really just killing it. After all, if you keep a bird locked in a box, it doesnt become better at flying. It dies. And, sure, with the world we live in how can we not focus on the negative? But heres the thing: why not focus on the negative in a way that makes all the positives look like "well hot damn, aint that somethin'?" And nothings out of your reach. Its just that youve been brainwashed to think that you can only reach for something with your hand, or your arm. But if you look down, you realize that you can move your feet, and your torso. You can reach and stretch onto the tips of your toes. If its something you want to have, something you want to accomplish, something you want to become you have to reach for it with all of yourself."

Somehow... this seemed to define my year. I guess in a “finding myself” and “trying to think of myself better” kind of way. This all kinda tied everything together. *shrugs*
~
"This must be it,
Welcome to the new year.
The drinks were consumed,
The plants were destroyed,
and the hors d'oeuvres dismantled.
I'm not smiling behind this fake veneer,
I am often interrupted or completely ignored,
But most of all I'm bored."

Yeah... so I'll admit. '08 is getting a bit old.
So bring on 09'.

5:51 pm - 2 comments - 2 Kudos
Sunday, October 12, 2008

[Mr. Reznor, I Think You Wrote My Life - A Rant]

Current mood: apathetic

Hi.
This is Sara.
I’m not here right now, so—
Well…
That’s only partially true.
Technically I’m here.
But only physically. Not so much mentally or emotionally.
Here, if it helps, let me give you my schedule so that you can contact me at a better time.

Monday: Wake up. School. Go home. Homework. Food. Guitar. Bed.
Tuesday: Wake up. School. Go home. Homework. Food. Guitar. Bed.
Wednesday: Wake up. School. Go home. Homework. Food. Guitar. Bed.
Thursday: Wake up. School. Go home. Homework. Food. Guitar. Bed.
Friday: Wake up. School. Go home. Homework. Food. Guitar. Bed.
Saturday: Wake up. Go somewhere I probably don’t want to be. Go home. Food. Guitar. Bed.
Sunday: Wake up. Church. Go home. Homework. Food. Guitar. Bed.

Get the picture?
Thought so.
Occasionally there are changes in this schedule that will take place without notice.
They’re too rare to take note of, however.

You can talk to me. But chances are you’ll only hear something I’ve told you before.
I’m sorry. It’s not really my fault.
I have a real life away-message.
I’m always on auto-pilot.
I could close my eyes, go to sleep, and STILL retrace the steps I make on a daily basis.
Then maybe I wouldn’t be so sleep deprived.
Hmm. Sleep-walking. I like that idea. Wouldn’t be much change at all.
~
I’m going to take come creative license here to make a bad music metaphor.
My life, as of right now, is an iPod.
Playing Freebird.
On repeat.
Unnecessarily long, sure. But it’s got its epic moments.
It’s good.
Not every second of every day of every week of every month of every year of every decade of every century though.
There’s just not enough cowbell.
Yeah, I know. That was bad. But I think you get what I’m saying, right?
OK. Glad we got that straight.
~
See, I never really was this way.
But I’m bored.
And I’m not talking about I’m bored as in, I have nothing to do so I’m going to write this.
I’m talking about, I’m bored of the same. Damn. Thing. Every. Damn. Day.
It’s the routine thing.
I can’t do routines.
I mean, I can. When forced.
Unwillingly.
Grudgingly, even.
But I deal with it.
Why?
Well… Because someone, somewhere, somehow conveyed the message to me that I need to.
In other words, I don’t actually know.
~
I’m not going to lie.
I don’t remember the last time I did anything fun on a weekend.
Honestly.
Weekends suck.
For me at least.
You’re perfectly entitled to disagree, I don’t honestly care.
Then again, until something changes, I don’t care about much of anything.
On average, I’ve been pretty lethargic this whole school year.
A strange case of senioritis, to be sure though.
I’m ready to get out, but I’m not.
It bores me, academically speaking. But then again, it always has.
But here’s the thing. I love my friends too much. And I’m definitely not ready for this whole “reality” thing. Yay. More routine shit. Yea--no.
And while I’m on the subject of “reality”, let me digress a little bit, just to clarify to everyone ever.
College?
No thanks.
Not yet.
Stop asking me. Every. Single. Day.
~
“I believe I can see the future
Cause I repeat the same routine
I think I used to have a purpose
But then again
That might have been a dream
I think I used to have a voice
Now I never make a sound
I just do what I've been told
I really don't want them to come around”

… So leave a message after the metaphorical beep, and I’ll get back to you when I come back to my senses.
2:24 pm - 7 comments - 6 Kudos
Thursday, October 09, 2008

[I Found a Former Clarity]

Current mood: crappy

I'm overdue for a blog entry. I got lots of time, so let's see where this goes

~

I'm an odd person.

I've come to know and accept that.

For many reasons.

I have my quirks and flaws.

It's hard coming to terms with yourself.

It's hard accepting who you've become in the years you've been alive.

And God... it's hard accepting the reality. The truth of who you are and where you're going.

~

Take one person in your life, that means a lot to you.

Not family or anything. Someone you've met over the course of your life that you care about. A close friend. Someone you tell everything to.

Friends fade, but I want this person to be someone that has stood the test of time, for you. Since they've known you.

Now imagine this.

You never met that person.

Who would you be?

How drastically different would you be?

Well, I guess, this question is a bit dependent on how personally independent you are. If you don't have that, for lack of a better word, attachment, and lack a lot of influence from this person, this won't apply to you. But I'm pretty sure everyone has someone. Well... Had or has. People leave, find something better. Like I said, friends fade...

~

I talk about the future a lot.

But I think about the past a lot more. I only just realized this, to be honest.

I mean, it's a scary thought.

I'm truly a different person than I was a year ago, let alone three years ago, when I started high school, and twelve years ago when I started school in and of itself.

This is a good thing.

This is a bad thing.

~

When I was younger, I thought I knew everything. I could never fail. I was the little fat kid that thought everyone was my friend. I was oversensitive, and to be honest, a bit of a goody-two-shoes. I cared about my grades. I had semi-realistic hopes. But I'm not even mentioning the fact that I had terrible taste in music.

Do I miss those days?

Sometimes. But I regret much of who I was, so that I don't miss it all that much.

But I don't see that person anymore.

I know I don't know everything. I'm told this nearly every day of my life. I fail at something on a regular basis. And as my chubbiness disappeared, also disappeared the notion that I could get along with everyone. Some of that notion remains, slightly. I've never truly made an enemy. But that's probably because I've learned to stay out out of everyone else's business. I let things roll off my shoulder. I have a set point at which my emotions tend to stay. After every high point, and every low point, I return to this slightly negative, but more or less neutral, emotional state. My grades in school aren't terrible, but if I got them in say, third grade, I would've died. Unfortunately, that's given others higher expectations of me, and for that I'm sorry to have to disappoint. And I've gone backwards in my hopes and dreams. Now is the point in my life where I've decided to be unrealistic. But I don't care, if there's one trait I've kept for my entire life, it's unnecessary determination.

~

Who was she?

That girl in that old picture?

I pass by her old house every day.

Every once in a while, I see her old schools.

Admittedly never one of the cute kids. But she was smart.

She was ahead of herself as far as academics went.

What happened to her?

I'm not sure.

I think she passed away.

It was a slow death.

Not sad, really. Everyone was tired of her.

She made too many mistakes, by not making any.

She spent too much time being “smart”.

But really now.

She never knew what she was talking about.

She isn't missed. Really. They didn't even have a funeral. Her memory lives on, but only in the hearts of few. The people that really knew her. But they were the people that changed her. They killed her in a merciful death. She needed it.

Why, though?

She wasn't who she wanted to be.

She never liked herself.

She never knew as much as she thought she did.

She regretted too much.

And later on, she wouldn't let some of it go.

She got replaced, by someone similar. But at least this other person sees SOME good in herself, although admittedly, the only reason she sees it is because of what others tell her.

~

“Let this be the end.
Let this be the last song.
Let this be the end.
Let all be forgiven.”

One day in your life, you have to come to terms with yourself. Who you were, who you've become. And eventually, who you will be. There's nothing I can do, really, about the past. No point in holding grudges. I never do, but a grudge against yourself is kind of pointless. You have to forgive yourself (and other people, obviously) at times, at the end of an “era” in your life. I see that know.

5:24 pm - 3 comments - 2 Kudos
Friday, September 26, 2008

[In the House of Flies]

Current mood: lonely

Disclaimer:

I don't mean to complain.

Really. Sometimes I just get in these moods where I feel like writing about something that's on my mind. I'd rather have a bunch of strangers read it, with the occasional close friend that I direct to it, than everyone I'm friends with on, say Facebook or something. I like the semi-anonymity of UG. Read and comment if you like. If not, no problem. It's just a sort of outlet for me.

That being said, here I go again.

~

I guarantee you, you've had some kind of change in your life, and if you haven't, your life is boring, and you need to get out from under your rock. Well... maybe not. I don't know if I like or hate change.

Change brings out the undiagnosed bipolarity in me. There's a general formula about how this goes. If it's a change I choose to make, it generally results in contentedness, or indifference, depending on the outcome. If it's a change made for me by someone else, I hate to say it, but it generally results in sadness, anger, or a combination of the two. In both cases, I can bounce back. Things don't get to me. Probably my indifferent nature.

~

Big changes are like little white lies. See, when you have a little white lie, you say one, you have to say a million, just to keep your story straight. Big changes are similar. You make one big change, you have to follow up with all these little changes that end up rearranging your entire life.

~

I don’t deal with certain change well at all.

I’ve figured this out over the past six months.

I never had this problem before.

That’s probably because never, in my life, has changed occurred so rapidly, and so suddenly.

Change comes with little notice.

Change can kick your ass.

Change can cause you to lose sleep.

Change can cause the loss of opportunity, or the loss of everything you could've ever wanted, or what you thought you had.

Change can ruin you.

~

Ever wanted to be someone else? For just a day?

Be honest. No one is entirely satisfied with their life. It’s human nature. And if you do live completely satisfied, I want to be YOU.

Ever tried so hard to make things work, only to be shot down by some other source?

Ever had to live a lie?

Ever had to let things pass by that you knew were wrong, but couldn’t help but keep your mouth quiet?

Me?

I want to be someone else every day. The things I used to have, were taken in front of me, and I'll probably never get them back. I don't mean physical or material things, I mean other kinds of things. I live a lie every single day now. And I bite my tongue, just so I don't forget the lie, because someone else told me not to.

~

I'm the advice-giver. I will gladly help you with anything I have the ability to. I don't care if it's over the internet with someone I've only seen a picture of, or someone I've known for 10 years. I want to help you. Why? Because I can't help myself anymore.

I live the life I would've lived myself through other people, if change hadn't made it so I couldn't. Before changes came so rapidly, I really took what I had for granted. Now I don't have the same kind of opportunities or happiness I had then. I had some amount of freedom. I could fly, even though my “wings” were clipped. Which is understandable; no one in their right mind would let any teenager do or go anywhere they want. That would be stupid. Then things happened, I close my eyes, find myself miles away from where I want to be. Only to hear people telling me, Oh nothing's going to change. Fast forward six months later, and those wings are gone, along with so much else. But instead of letting change actually get to me, through the advice I give, I live. Like it never happened. I can't have the life I want. There's no way I can have it anymore. The life I want to live was taken from me, not even through a choice of my own. So listen to another, and imagine myself in the same situation. I often wish it was truly me. Because it's never a life or death thing. It's usually some teenage thing. Sometimes not. But just know that, any advice I give is from the heart, because it's something I would do myself, given the opportunity to have it happen it my life. Good or bad. Living this way, vicariously, gives me kind of pseudo-freedom, wings that don't really allow me to fly, but give me the sense that maybe I'm doing some good.

~

Change....

...I took you home...
...Set you on the glass...
...I pulled off your wings,
...Then I laughed...”

You took my wings.

I want them back.


4:46 pm - 2 comments - 2 Kudos
Saturday, September 13, 2008

[The Beatles Were Right]

Current mood: lethargic

Bitterness and defeat.

This is how I could legitimately describe my “love life.” Although technically, I could say that it doesn’t actually exist.

I feel odd when I say that I’m a 17-year-old girl, a senior in high-school, who has never been in anything remotely considered a relationship. When I say odd, I mean, I have different feelings about it.

Sometimes I feel angry about it, because it seems unfair at times, when everyone I know is in a relationship and I’m not and never had been.

Sometimes I get depressed about it. What does everyone else have that I don’t? Am I so inadequate that I don’t deserve a relationship?

Cliché. I know. Shut up.

More often than not, however, I feel that it’s probably a good thing. I don’t have to deal with relationship drama, rumors, etc.

Some people I know go to extremes with their feelings on relationships, and in that sense, I pity them. Not for their situation so much, but more so for the fact that their situation drives them to such extremes.

Let me give you an example:

I have a friend who had been in relationships forever. She went through boyfriends like there was no tomorrow. Then there was a period of time when she had no one. She started to like this guy, but apparently he didn’t share those      feelings. I knew what that was like. I always have. There was only one guy, in my life, that had the same feelings that I did, and that ended up being a really screwed situation. But I digress. I pitied her. She was completely distraught. I never knew something like this could really break a person down so badly. So badly that she said she was considering becoming a lesbian. I have absolutely no problem with gays or lesbians. But I feel as if that was the most extreme consideration she could have made. Funnily enough, she had a new boyfriend within two months.

~

Define love. No really. What do you consider love to be? I want to know.

Everyone has a different perspective on the subject, and there seems to be no universal definition for that really covers every aspect of this thing called love.

Me? Well… love is… something. Something amazing. And I don’t mean so much, relationship-type love. I mean all love.

A shoulder to cry on. An ear to listen. A song, written especially for you. A phone call, just to talk and ask how you are. An inside joke, while you’re in the worst of moods. A warm embrace, when you’re nearing tears. A text message conversation at 2 AM, just because you can’t sleep. A smile that flickers across your face, when that certain someone crosses your mind. A memory that crosses your mind when you hear that one song. A jolt of happiness that comes from seeing a friend after a long time of separation.

To me, that’s what love is. And so much more.

Now let me ask you again.

Define love.

~

Some people, due to failed relationships and whatnot, regret love. But I don’t believe in regretting love. Love is something so… powerful. So life changing. If you truly love someone, they probably at some point caused some kind of change in your life. If you’ve really experienced love, you won’t be the same person that you started out as. Some take love the wrong way. Well, failed love has. “Failed” love has created hate. Discord. War. Bloodshed. Conflict. But I don’t believe in failed love. If love does no good, it wasn’t love in the first place. Love has taught me both to when to fight for what I want and when to let things go. Love has taught me to accept both the inevitable and the unexpected. Love has taught me understanding.

Love can sustain.

“All you need is love.”

I’m inclined to believe that.

 

4:51 pm - 5 comments - 6 Kudos
Sunday, September 07, 2008

[The Dark Side of the Moon - Track Six]

This is based on some observations I've made during the past... Hmmm...  About six months.
Well, observations... and experiences.
I don't want this to turn to a debate. It's just things I've noticed.
~
Money.
We need it.
Shelter, food, other needs, the occasional luxury. Without it, life is a struggle.
Excess will make you a greedy bastard.
Not enough will get you nowhere. Except on the streets, or somewhere far away from where you actually
want or need to be.
Not enough will cause arguments.
Not enough will leave you stranded, due to the ever increasing price of gas.
Not enough will take away the little luxuries of life that you once took for granted.
Funny. Money can't buy happiness.
But lack of money can sure "buy" anger. And disappointment. And years of frustration.
Not enough can't get you anywhere. Nowhere nice, I should say. You can save for a month for an epic vacation, to come back and realize you've gone in debt just to enjoy yourself for a week. Is it worth it?
~
Rarely a week goes by when my dad says something along the lines of, "I feel sorry for your generation." I hear it all the time. But if you ask me, which you didn't but this is my blog so shut up and listen, "my
generation" is pretty much screwed as it is. Look what the generation before us has done. They've left the world a mess, and expect us to be the cleaning lady.
Mostly due to money.
Material wealth.
Land.
Oil.
This.
That.
The other.
You know what? It's destroying us. As a society.
Instead of bringing people together, we're driving people apart.
Fighting.
Killing.
And for what?
Hell if I know.
But I guarantee you it has it's root in greed.
The cliche isn't a lie. Love of money is, in fact the root of all evil, and then some.
~
Psh. My generation. I have no faith in it.
We're apathetic.
And I don't mean political apathy.
I don't believe in politics myself.
It's about people.
It's about the change in people that money creates.
Gold changes hands. And none lands them in cuffs.
Some people turn into criminals, because they can't get what they need to survive.
Some people die because they can't afford insurance.
Some families are broken due to the pressure.
~
I am not saying material wealth isn't a nice thing to have.
Obviously, I'd like that Slash signature Gibson Les Paul, if I could afford it. But I don't NEED it.
And gifts? Very much appreciated. But more for the meaning behind them than the gifts themselves.
But I digress.
Greed is destroying us.
~
You know what?
This isn't about Republicans, or Democrats.
This isn't about being liberal or conservative.
Left wing, right wing. Whatever, man.
This is about us.
We're all affected.
~
"Money, its a crime.
Share it fairly but dont take a slice of my pie.
Money, so they say
Is the root of all evil today.
But if you ask for a raise its no surprise that they're
Giving none away."
Hello, everyone.

2:14 pm - 2 comments - 2 Kudos