Ok....soooooo.
I'm pretty much blah. I'm pissed off, hurt, worried and i can't trust
anyone anymore. I hate my life! Why did she have to go a be such a
fucking bitch. Oh well....i'll get over it hopefully. I just hope I
don't lose my bf and bestest friend ever in the process.
I just don't know what to do. I just simply cannot trust ANYONE.
After what I found out today...I put my wall back up and i just hate
it. I can't even tell my mind to take it down cuz they're defenses put
up long ago so i wouldn't get hurt again and they won't go away on
command.
She is extremely immature and I hope she grows out of that. The only
reason she called me. her supposed "friend", a lying, cheating slut
and said that my bf called me a bitch and shit is cuz she wants him and
is trying to manipulate me and ruin stuff. I hope she realizes that I
see straight thru her shit and i know what she's doing. I'm not
letting her win. She seriously needs to get over her infatuation with
him and realize that even if i wasn't dating him that he wouldn't date
her anyway cuz:
1) she's cheated on EVERY SINGLE boyfriend she's EVER HAD!
2) he doesn't trust her (for the reason mentioned above as well as other reasons)
3) he barely even likes her....he's only friends with her out of pity
For her own sake, I sincerely hope she grows out of this. She's too
desperate and says she "loves him". Everyone who knows her knows she
really only wants sex. She's extremely shallow and a liar (and a bad
one at that). Everyone can see straight through her lies and knows how
shallow and coniving she is.
I'm not saying this out of anger. This is truth. She is shallow. She
has cheated on all her bfs. She does lie....often....and even to her
friends. She tries to manipulate people to get what she wants (tho is
rarely, if ever, works). She needs to move on and let her friends be
happy. Why does she not understand that?
I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I just hurt the person who means the most to me and on our Anniversary too....i'm just a heartless bitch. fuck! I just don't know what I'm doing. I'm really questioning if I did the right thing or not. I know this isn't permanent and it was bound to happen sometime but I'm just hurting so much because of my decision. I went numb again and all I can feel is the love I can't openly express to him right now. I love him so much and I want him in my arms but I've pretty much said no. I'm so sorry baby. I love you so much and if this hurts if or when you read it....i'm so sorry. but i had to get out my feelings somehow. You know i love you and will always be there for you. Our ring is never leaving my finger and you're still the thing that keeps me alive. The promise of me getting over this and the thought of being in your arms again is the only reason I was able to get out of bed this morning. I'm sorry baby....we aren't alone....we still have eachother and I miss you more than anything in the world.
All I can really say is ouch. i'm confused and torn and i don't know what to do....i wanna end it but i know i'm not ready....why? *bangs head against wall* why why why? gah....i'm gonna go sulk in self pity now. life's a bitch.
You whiz around the corner in your rented
moped when suddenly you're forced to come to a sudden stop.
It seems a funeral procession has stopped
for a quick breather. Empathy overwhelms you and you offer your condolences to
the whimpering man nearby. "Were you close?" you ask, wishing you
hadn't.
After a moment, the man replies,
"Brothers and sisters I have none, that man's father is my father's
son."
That sounds sarcastic, you think to
yourself. Maybe the guy doesn't want to tell you, which is fine, but there's no
reason to be a smartass about it.
Or, perhaps the clever among can see this
is the real answer.
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porcelinxveins's blogs, last updated : December 14, 2007
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