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Friday, May 28, 2010

The REAL cause of Climate Change

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People of the internet, I feel it's my utmost duty to inform you that today is a dark day for science, politics and humankind.
These observations are based on how science likes correlating graphs and how science is never wrong. Ever.

Now as humans are blamed as the primary cause by organisations such as Greenpeace and the cult that is Scientology, I decided to search and see if there really was a trend. I decided to break things down into white people and black people to see if one was more efficient and if anything could be learned from whichever was more efficient.

As it turns out, climate change correlates almost perfectly with us humans. Unfortunately, nobody was noticeably less damaging to the environment, so there's nothing we can do to stop this "Climate Change" apart from culling our populations. We must think of the children!
The good news is, Anal sex is pretty safe as far as Climate change goes... so... if you like that sort of thing, go for it, I guess...

Now. As we have now found the true cause for our little climate change situation, an obvious question must be asked.
What does Carbon Dioxide do if not climate change?

Well ladies and gentlemen. I have some very bad news...

Carbon Dioxide causes:-


That's right, the very fucking air you breath contains the very thing that could kill us all.
Look at the damn graph! Can you not see it?!
The correlation is almost 100% perfect! Far more perfect than any other graph on the earth.

As a self-proclaimed scientist, I need, nay, MUST proclaim that Carbon Dioxide, causes Communism.

So I beg of you. Think of our children. Because every time you fire up your SUV's to go to the store. You feed the red army.

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