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adf (2)
Sunday, August 03, 2008

The Rise of Hansi

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Comments: 1
In the far dark corners of Germany, one man rose to power... Aided by his Power Metal band, he discovered the secret...to creating life. Thousands of times over this man cloned himself, unbeknownst to his band members. The fools just assumed that Hansi was using a layer technique, but no, they were all singing at once. And now, now is his time. The rise of the Hansi has begun.

It started out like any other day in the land of Hessia
A small group of travellers were climbing up Mt. Frostb1tten, when they heard a noise. This was unlike anything they'd ever heard before however, this was the epic cry of Hansi Kursch, amplified by the Sacred Spinal Tap amplifier, with the volume all the way up to 11. Unable to handle the volume of the epic falsetto, Mt. Frostb1tten collapsed, and sent an avalanche tumbling down towards a nearby village. Hansi knew he had to do something, but he couldn't do it alone...

From North, South, East, and West he amassed his army, lurking in the shadows of the world, with his sacred cry. Flocking from all corners they grouped together and melted the avalanche with the mighty sound of their combined voices. Their power was realized on that day.

They had saved the village and were heroes, but lust for power soon overtook the Hansi's. Rather than use their powers for good, they started on a long trail of conquest and plundering, using their voices to lull their victims to sleep, or to destroy them with their face-melting rasps. Almost all of Hessia had succumbed to their wrath, except for the king of Hessia, Supreme Overlord Akerfeldt, whose epic beard had kept the nation stable for years...

And so they planned, performing live at various places in Sweden often, tricking the audience who clearly did not know the Bards and their songs into dying. The money was gathered, but no show was performed.

Mikael would not have this. So down from Opet he descended to challenge the true original Hansi to a duel of the fates. Not a vocal battle, because surely he would lose that, but a test of loyalty to the Hessian spirit.

He placed before Hansi #1 a razor and shaving cream, and closed his eyes...

The one true Hansi picked up the sprayed the shaving cream over Mikael's beard and raised the razor. Just when he was about to shave off the beard, he stopped, and remembered how it used to be; how he was once a hero...
he dropped the razor, proving his loyalty.
All the hessians who had gathered for a show were not to be disappointed, as the mythical union of blind guardian and opeth came to be, and its awesome epicness destroyed the evil Hansi clones and brought the fallen Hessians back to life

Hansi realized the mistake and how power corrupted. Mikael promised to leave it as a past and future secret that no one in all of Hessia would know. Hansi thanked him and offered to do guest vocals on Opeth's new album for atonement, an idea that went down well with Mikael. All was right in Hessia... For now.

And the story ends...
3:03 pm - 1 comments - 2 Kudos - Report!
adf wrote on Aug 3rd, 2008 1:26am

One does not shave an epic beard!!


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