Unwritten Act Comments (2)

Comments: 2, viewing 1 - 2

jiminizzle wrote on Dec 11th, 2009 9:21am

well this was a very good song. The piano part is well composed. I think you could have done more with the melody of the verse though. The refrain was spot on in this aspect, but I felt like the verse wasn't realizing itself melody wise.

so i figured id just comment on the lyrics here too rather than the thread.

first stanza- not bad at all. nice opening, some pretty scene setting, fairly smoothly done.

second: the bleeding hearts term is kind of overused and uninteresting in context. I didn't feel this stanza so much.'

third: this is good. just stay tonight might be a little too much though. it feels overbearing.

fourth: "worse" <- should this be worst?
good ending

right so the refrain works.
the idea isn't all that fresh but its well done. I don't agree with zach about the deliver, i do agree it lacked a little bit of involvement with characters which could have made this a little better off.

I really enjoyed this, kyle.


hippieboy444 wrote on Dec 6th, 2009 2:42pm



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