jiminizzle wrote on Dec 11th, 2009 9:21am
well this was a very good song. The piano part is well composed. I think you could have done more with the melody of the verse though. The refrain was spot on in this aspect, but I felt like the verse wasn't realizing itself melody wise.
so i figured id just comment on the lyrics here too rather than the thread.
first stanza- not bad at all. nice opening, some pretty scene setting, fairly smoothly done.
second: the bleeding hearts term is kind of overused and uninteresting in context. I didn't feel this stanza so much.'
third: this is good. just stay tonight might be a little too much though. it feels overbearing.
fourth: "worse" <- should this be worst?
right so the refrain works.
the idea isn't all that fresh but its well done. I don't agree with zach about the deliver, i do agree it lacked a little bit of involvement with characters which could have made this a little better off.
I really enjoyed this, kyle.