Today I was a bit down with living where I am... recently I've just felt tired of living here. Sick of it. Bored.
I want to have my own life. Whenever I try and exercise this want, my parents make me feel bad about it. Example: I didn't say hi to my dad this morning because he was out when I got up. So I got dressed and started working. My dad came back while I was working. I didn't immediately say hi because I was working. Later my mum calls me down and asks me why I haven't spoken to him yet. Because I had work? Apparently this means I'm not contributing to the family life. They go on about how I'm lazy and don't work enough all the time. When I do some, I'm criticised for not doing something else.
Really? Get out!
I can't stay out later than half eleven if I go out drinking which is stupid. I'm not allowed. No one else in town leaves until after midnight and I have to be in bed by then. That means I can't share a taxi home and my dad won't pick me up from town any more because I was late getting to my dad's car once. It's about seventeen quid home by myself in a taxi, which is about two thirds of my monthly allowance. This is ridiculous. The last bus out of town leaves at 9:50pm as well which is far too early. I want my own life but I'm too poor. So I need a job as well.
All the rules they insist on get to me as well. The stupidest one is 'no blu-tac on my bedroom walls'. Seriously...? So all my posters have to be in frames as either collages or large posters. I'm getting round that by putting the posters everywhere else like my door, on my wardrobe, my desk, etc. Aren't I quite the rebel.
I'm 17 now and whenever they allow me to do something they pull me back. It's like being allowed into the sweetshop but not allowed to buy anything, while watching all your mates eat the sweets. Two steps forward, one vital one back.
I was thinking about running away earlier then realised how stupid it was.
Teenage angst n' all that.
Wouldn't mind a place of my own at all right now.
I'm 17, not 12. Not a kid. I can sense myself maturing, even if I'm just more ragey at things.
Actually, I'm not angry at them. Just sad. I want out. At university I'm going to go out every god damn night and get completely off my head. Two years to go. Less than that!