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Thursday, January 01, 2009

Forever

Current mood: blah

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So I blog all the the time on Facebook but I never go on UG anymore. so I figure, why not just copy/paste my Facebook notes onto here? it gives me a reason to check up on this profile every now and again. this particular one is about a breakup with someone who is also a close friend and how it affected my worldview. so, without further ado...

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Outside the South Hills village food court, I'm sitting on the same little ledge I sat on a year and a half ago that time the pedophile wouldn't leave us alone. "Alone" has a lot of connotations. I hide my snotstained face under my hood. This is my favorite hoodie, one that I've been wearing since eighth grade.

The very last grey leaves of autumn blow in the winter breeze at my feet. It's not supposed to be this warm, not now, not three days after Christmas. Not this breezy, either. It smells like September...it smells like Fall. Winter is peaceful because everything's already dead except for the snow...Fall is the act of death, turbulent and unresolved. I feel things dying around me that should have been dead a month ago. The grass shouldn't be this green. These birds should be tucked away or in Florida.

I realize, as I'm typing this, the fleeting nature of my control over everything and everyone but myself. Nobody can ever understand the true nature of the puzzle, because even as we put the pieces together the picture morphs and changes in ways both obvious and imperceptible. Only God knows who dies and when.

But we hold in our hearts the ability to overcome. Some things are stronger than death.

I meant what I said, and the sun rises as surely as it sets. The new year calls out above the grave of the old, drawing forth everything and everyone into the next phase of existence. It leaves nothing behind. Time marches on whether we want it to or not; you can't bottle a moment or a day or a month. But you can remember it.

2008 taught me a lot of things. It taught me joy, it taught me failure, it taught me beauty, and here in front of a food court it taught me loss. Most importantly it taught me that I have the strength within me to pull through.

I promise. Forever.

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