Location: West Midlands Hours: No early mornings Wage : Yes thanks, that would be nice. Work Pattern: Abstract
Duration: As long as it takes.
Description Must have some degree of humanity, a basic grasp of empathy will do. Duties will include being able to process large amounts of bullshit, being able to accurately calculate and distribute wages fairly. Must have low expectations to avoid disappointment and most importantly must be able to recognise creative genius and artistic license.
What do I offer in return?
I am able to work outside of the common confines of qualifications. Due to my chosen lack of higher learning, I am a sponge. Ready and willing to absorb new material and able to think and respond using my own personal logic in such a way, that is interestingly original in a world full of textbook-repeating-suit-wearing monkeys. I have a good knowledge of typing, computer use and communication due to large amounts of my own spare time spent expanding my knowledge via internet discussion groups. I am able to demonstrate perserverance and enjoy challenges (for example-I have spent many years mastering pacman)
I enjoy sports such as walking to the kitchen for the corkscrew and I am able to exercise personal choice-I continue to smoke despite being made graphically aware of the alleged dangers. I am willing to receive good money for little work and I am also willing to compromise social morality and ethics in return for money or alcohol.
References are available from the bloke behind the counter in the off license on the corner and my mum.
-The consistent presence of a known or unknown individual standing behind you coughing and/or scowling
-Various "stop-smoking" leaflets and nicotine replacement items appear around your house.
-Ashtrays and Lighters keep disappearing.
-Some people report an uncomfortable presence of smugness that is difficult to pinpoint
-General feelings of guilt, irritability and restlessness
-Friends and family keep suggesting ridiculous notions of fresh air, extensive living and lung capacity.
If You have experienced 3 or more of these symptoms, its highly likely that you have an anti-smoker in your group. Unfortunately this is a common problem that can often be difficult to treat. There are some measures you can take to relieve the symptoms though...
-Allegedly smokers "smell", so smoke more. Hopefully the increased aroma of stale tobacco will be strong enough to act as a deterrant.
-Put up "smoking" signs, this is a technique often practised as an attack by anti-smokers, but we can be much more polite. Something simple like "fuck off I'm smoking" will do.
-Remember that smokers die younger, you havent got to put up with this for very long.
-Avoid places where anti-smokers may visit. These include hospitals, doctors surgeries, salad bars and gyms.
-Always have a positive attitude, you are an intelligent person who has the ability to exercise personal choice. Dont be bullied by friends and colleagues with selfish intentions.
-Always remember, today, about one in three adults, or 1.1 billion people, smoke. You are not alone.
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damn-right!'s blogs, last updated : December 3, 2007
