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DoomsdayArsenal (2)

Saturday, July 04, 2009

My newest song.

Views: 162
Comments: 6

Hi I've decided to blog it whenever I write a song because A) I don't want to clutter the Song Writing forum and B) I don't want it to get buried in the Song Writing forum. So here's my new song and the other is the finished version of the song I wrote a few months ago, posted in those forums and never updated. Keep in mind this one isn't finished and I've only been working on it for half an hour and this is all I have so far.

That Man in the Mirror

It was a dreary friday night back in 1999

You thought it would be nice to go for a drive

So you went to a bar down around 18th and Vine

You and a few friends were having a great time

But then some jerk came up to try to ruin it all

He wasn't any fun he ran around, he drank and he bawled

So when you were pushed the edge couldn't take him much more

You whipped out a knife and started a fight

That was the first time that you took a life

And even though they never found you

After all these lonley years

You're in a cell that's drowned you

With all your lonley tears

And it doesn't matter what you think

If you're wrong or if you're right

You still can't stand that man in the mirror

You couldn't stand it much longer the guilt would eat you alive

You felt you'd either tell somebody or you'd die

But you decided to tell your lovely young wife

Who couldn't keep a secret if it depended on her life

And when she told her best friend that was the end of it all

And even though the guilt would haunt the rest of your knife

There were two more blood stains on the end of your knife

And even though they've never found you

After all these long long years

You're in a cell that's drowned you

In all your lonely tears

And it doesn't matter what your thinking

Were you wrong or were you right

Because still you can't stand seeing

That ugly man in the mirror

I have no idea where I got the idea for the song I just woke up and I had the chorus in my head and I knew it was about a man who killed some one. The third verse is a work in progress but I hope that will be posted by the end of the day. Any (constructive) criticisms? I'm not a fan of how there was no build up to him killing the first guy, well there was but there wasn't much. Of course there isn't build up to many bar fights, they just happen. Anyways on to the first song I ever wrote. Like I said before I posted this in the Song Writing forum and forgot about it. It's a slow 12 bar blues.

Do You Gotta Leave

Do you gotta leave tonight girl

Can't you stay just one more day

Say you gotta leave tonight girl

Can't you stay just one more day

If you gotta leave tonight girl

It'll be mind that's going away

It's been so long since I seen my baby

Wonder where she might be

Been oh so long since I seen my lady

Wonder where she could be

I've got a bad bad feeling

My little girl is leaving me

Heard my baby early this morning

Say she was movin' out

Finally heard my little girl this morning

She say she's movin' out

She got an aparment so far away

She can't hear me shout

Tried to talk to her this morning

Tried to get her back

I tried to talk her this morning

Just tryin' to get her back

She gave the phone to her new man

And that was the end of that

Believe it or not this song was inspired by my dog. She was laying on my bed and when she got up to leave for something the "Do you gotta leave tonight girl" came to me and it evolved from there. I think that one is finished but any criticisms are welcome, keep in mind my sense of grammar disappears when I sing the blues and I just typed it how I sang it.

10:03 am - 6 comments - 2 Kudos - Report!

Comments

JackWhite333 wrote on Jul 6th, 2009 12:04am

Cool! Both are pretty cool

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JackWhite333 wrote on Jul 6th, 2009 12:05am

I wrote cool twice...darn

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cornmancera wrote on Jul 6th, 2009 12:14am

Thank you very much when I was writing them I thought they were pretty good, but I didn't say that before for fear of sounding self absorbed. I'm still trying to get that 3rd verse, might have a friend or 2 help.

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StewieSwan wrote on Jul 7th, 2009 2:15pm

I liked The Man in the Mirror, not so fond of Do You Gotta Leave. It was a bit to repetative lyrically.

And never hold back your opinion on your own work for fear of being conceited. It builds confidence to admit that your art is good art. And if people know you're proud of your work, they'll tend to like it more than if you say "man...i know it sucks, but..."

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pettah93 wrote on Jul 9th, 2009 9:27pm

thats good

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DoomsdayArsenal wrote on Jul 27th, 2009 6:37pm

She gave the phone to her new man / And that was the end of that. Amazing finale. That has happened to me before. Like I called this chick I'd been seeing, and all of a sudden she wouldn't answer my calls. The third time in about a week, a dude answered. Apparently she had been dating both of us.

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