Okay, admit it. Almost everyone under the age of 25 has or has had a myspace profile. I have one myself, and I'm proud to say that I'm one of the few that are not addicted to the damn thing. i use it sparingly, only to contact friends that live outside of the U.S.
But the website just sometimes pisses me off. 13 year old girls dressing like whores. People setting their fucking dog as their default picture.
Just yesterday, some bald, 300-pound geriatric fatass sent me a friend request. I deleted it and reported him as a possible child molester.
First off, having a myspace page does automatically make you 'cool', it does NOT make you younger, and taking endless 'sexy' pictures of you make you look like an aging slut, not like an innocent teenager. 50 year old women should not have 300+ friends on Myspace. They shouldn't even be on the site in the first place. Myspace is for people like myself that actually use it to contact people, or for dumbass kids that post their phone numbers in their 'about me' section.
Here's my propostion: All 50+ year old people who are not on myspace for a legitimate reason get banned from the site and are automatically registered in the national Sex Offender list, because bald 50 year old dudes shouldn't be 'friends' with 13 year old girls, even if it is online. Next, a friend limit should be placed on all myspace users: no one can have more than 200 friends. Hell, it's not even possible to know so many people that you actually can consider them all friends. Even some of my own friends have more than 700 'friends'. I don't know about you, but that ranks #1 on my 'holy shit' scale. I personally have exactly 88 friends on myspace. Those are ALL people I know, and consider them my friends. Anyone who has more than 200 friends should be labeled 'MySpace Whore'. I mean, there are even programs specially made to send automated friend requests to random people. Don't know about you, but every friend request from random people I get that are above 30 years of age, I report that as sexual predators. In fact, I'm going to start a petition stating that if you are above 30 years and you have no good reason to be on the site, you're banned from it.
You're probably asking me by now, 'but what if those people honestly need a myspace?'
I agree. Some people do. My friend's dad is in Iraq right now, and the only way he can contact his family is through myspace. Obviously, he NEEDS the site, and I support him 150%. I have a friend that decided to move to Texas, and the only way I can talk to him is via Myspace, because he doesn't have a phone.
You see, some people actually do need a myspace, and I'm not disputing that.
It's the 50 year old, greasy-haired, unemployed,bespectacled fatass rednecks that live in trailer parks that need to be booted off the site. They need to get a freakin' job and grow up. I'm pretty sure that if your best myspace pic is you with taped-up glasses and a dirty McDonalds t-shirt, you need to GET A FUCKING LIFE and get a job.
Hopefully, I've opened some of your eyes. Not that I've pointed my finger at anyone specifically, but I hope my message was loud enough to be heard for quite some distance.
And in the undertones of irony, why dont you visit my myspace and drop me a line?
So how's yours going? Mines less than okay. I've gotten my guitars confiscated, my phone, my freedom, etc. Any suggestions what I can do to kill the boredom? I have nothing to do except algebra, but I'm going to kill myself if i do any more right now. Help me out people!
I was on bash.org and I found a good quote. Quite lengthy, but very true. Read it and tell me what you think in the comments.
<Tall Israeli> I think just about anyone who meets me and talks to me for long enough comes to terms with the fact that I am a very sick, twisted person. Also factor in a few mountain dews, a Peer-to-Peer connection, and boredom and you get what might be the funniest combination imaginable. I had been downloading music yesterday evening. Led Zeppelin, REO Speedwagon, Flock of Seagulls, things like that. Then I realized that it'd be a funny joke to play on people if I were to change "Keep on Rolling" to "Hot Lesbian Sex". I watched as within minutes this file got 50 downloads. I was astounded. Then the Tom got an idea. An awful idea. The Tom got a wonderful awful idea. What if, perhaps, I was to change some of these names to sick pornography titles? I wonder if I'd get any bites? And this is where the fun begins. The first title I put up was "Naked boys dancing and eating cake." I sat in anticipation, waiting for my first download. Success, the first download came. Then the second. Then the third. This baby was steamrolling down the information super highway like a trucker with a hardon that has 2 miles left to the next truck stop. Before I knew it, I was getting twenty downloads. Then thirty. Then fifty. Can you imagine that in the end, rather than getting dancing boys naked and indulging themselves with sweets and frolicking in a dewy meadow, one-hundred thirty two people got a disappointing video of Led Zeppelin performing "Dazed and Confused" in front of a live audience? At this point, I had no choice but to continue. The second title I put up was "My Ex-Girlfriend mowing the lawn naked." I thought that this was too far out to get any downloads. Alas, I was wrong. It got a download. Then two. Then thirty. In the end, seventy-eight sweaty, drooling fudges wanted to see my ex girlfriend mow the lawn stark naked. She's not even that hot. Rather then get their lawn-mowing beauty, they got the song "Ozone baby." For the third title, I decided to transform "White Wedding" into the more intriguing "Elephant **** horse." I wish I could say I was kidding when this thing was downloaded one hundred eighty seven times. I guess there is something about horses and elephants showing their cocks that bring out the best in people. I nearly died of laughter at this point. "How can nearly two hundred people want to see naked animals? They're ALWAYS naked!" For sanctity's sake, we're going to leave this as a mystery. I hope I turned some people on to Billy Idol, hopefully distracting them long enough to forget that masturbating to horse and elephant genitalia are not really something their mothers would be proud of. I couldn't stop myself from doing another. "Grandma Bingo Sex." Short and sweet. I couldn't stop myself from amusing.........myself..... "Grandma Bingo Sex." Surely not a common scenario, and surely not a scenario that would arouse many a twisted psyche. Apparently I know nothing about the human psyche. One hundred twenty two. ONE HUNDRED TWENTY TWO PEOPLE would like to see grandma getting bent over the bingo table, game card in hand, getting donkey punched by a 90 year old addle brained porn star. I rubbed my eyes just to double check. My eyes had to be lying to my brain. My penis had shriveled to the size of a 2 day old Wendys chicken nugget. They asked for Grandma. They got Joan Jett. At this point I had to start taking puffs of my albuteral inhaler to keep from suffocating myself with laughter. "Girl on girl toe insertion (LEGAL)" was my next proud creation. Everyone likes 38 Special, so everyone won't feel like such dumb-asses after downloading this footy piece of crap. Never underestimate the inertia traveling behind a toe inserting itself into a rectum, friends. It's like a fudging semi hurling down Interstate 40 in the noonday sun. One hundred twelve people wanted to jerk to this. God have mercy on us. At this point, for some odd reason, the user name "Enraged Baboon" popped into my head. "Enraged Baboon fudging a nipple factory." No way in hell would this get many downloads. Who could possibly type in any or all of those keywords? I guess people like seeing sweaty red-ass baboons, nostrils flaring, banging their chests like Marky Mark in the movie "Fear", having sex WITH each other in a factory that produces baby-bottle nipples. Imagine what those children would look like. One hundred seventy two people typed those magic words into Limewire, and got a hot steaming pile of monkey love. Well, it was Pink Floyd, but a man can dream, cant he? This could all seem very disturbing. My final experiment, however, made me dizzy as my precious sack retreated into my pelvis. ...THREE PEOPLE...three disgusting, drooling, perverted, fudged up people, wielding a box of Puffs Plus and a tube of Vaseline Intensive Care Lotion, bright eyed and bushy tailed, wanted to see "An emu taking a vicious dump." How does one take a VICIOUS dump and how does an EMU take one, for that matter? Ladies and gentlemen: this is why I have lost every last ounce of faith in humanity. If I may quote Method: "You're going to make a lot of sick people very unhappy."
When I first joined this site, I browsed through the forums quite a whole lot. Every once in a while, I'd see someone that had a word under their avatar: 'Banned'.
I used to think that to get banned, you'd have to commit a serious crime, such as suggesting murder, concocting assassination plots, etc. That is 100% not true.
To any site newbies reading this blog, you have better read the site rules. I did not, and in the end I got busted (banned) for posting a link to a browser hack Rick Roll (if you want the link, PM me). In the end, I realized I should have read the rules. I would have never had to endure 30 days of incessant, excruciating torture, both mental and physical (aka 'ban').
Aside from that, in my 30 days of unbearable bannage, I have come to realize that in fact, I wish that unbanned users could browse through the Forum of The Banned just for the laughs.
I mean, where else where you witness an argument in which one side is banned for impersonating Carlton Banks and the other side is asking what year his student reunion was?
The point is people, while the FoTB is humorous and at sometimes just point-blank immature, I would suggest at all costs avoiding it. This is firsthand experience. I get off my ban in 2 days. I am eagerly anticipating my release into the real world.
READ THE RULES
FOLLOW THEM
And if you do get banned, bring back some stories. It's fun.
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angus_young_32's blogs, last updated : September 7, 2009
