after my near death experience with a killer fog yesterday morning I
thought to myself "I need weapons but not just any weapons. Weapons of
a Harpoonish nature"
So there I was, on a treck to save humanity
and I wondered. Where the Douche am I gonna find some Harpoons.
Ofcourse the only possible place would lawrences, you know that place
across from the tanyard, s'got a BIG blue sign all the way round the
shop, they sell everything from screws to shelves, maybe even dildos
but that is not what I am here for.
I went up to the cashier and asked "Do you have any harpoons in stock?" The reply was a swift "No", it hit me like a kick in the balls. I was annoyed at this for obvious reasons. I shouted at the cashier "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU KICK ME IN THE BALLS!!!!" He yells "OH SHIT I'M SO SORRY, I FORGOT HOW POWERFULL MY NO'S ARE." I asked him again, this time I took upon a stance that covered my balls at all angles. "DO YOU HAVE ANY HARPOONS!" "I ALREADY TOLD WE DON'T HAVE ANY!!!" "DO YOU KNOW WHERE I CAN GET SOME!?" "YEAH NEXT DOOR, WILLIAM'S HARPOON SHOP!!" "WHY ARE WE STILL SHOUTING!?!?!?" "I HAVE NO IDEA"
I proceeded to travel next door to "Williams Harpoon Emporium." I walked in and it was like heaven. Harpoons everywhere!!
And then a sight I can only describe as pure beauty caught my eyes
Perfect, just what I was looking for! I picked up 10 harpoons, there was a sale on you see, buy ten for the price of five. FUCKING 'A'
I went to the counter to buy my precious harpoons and was met with an ugly sight A chav hitting puberty. "What do you want ya dirty sketer ghey"He squeaked, his voice cracking every so often. I bought my harpoons and the dicky chav started to mock my awesome hair I told him calmly "Do you think it's wise to annoy someone with harpoons?" Silence. "Yeah that's what I thought. Come back when your ball's have dropped" The reply I was given totally blew me away. "whut!?!?!? I'm a girl" "HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!" I
got away from the man beast transvestite thing that has no gender as
soon as possible and set of home to make a complete inventory of my
Stay in tune for the next instalment of my Uber epic stories
PS. Yeah I need ideas for future parts so tell me some stuff and i'll put ya in