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Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The first attack!!!

So after I picked up my Fog Harpoons I set of home for a much needed rest, after all I had woken up at the crack of dawn (literally) On my way back to my humble abode I came across an old man sitting upon a seat outside the pub holding in a pint glass what I can only describe as shit, it reminded me of a video, I gipped but did not throw up as I had a job to do. Get home a store my harpoons for later use, but first I thought it would be best for me to advise this old man to put away his pint of shit to save him from being reported from the authorities.

I aproached with caution, maybe he had decided that morning to throw a few pounds of his own shit on who ever talks to him first. Upon being alerted to my presence his head started to turn at the slowest pace imaginable (imagine slow..................alright done that? ok slower than that) After what seemed an iternity he was facing in my direction and looking at me, well I thought he was, he had a lazy eye so I didn't know where the fuck he was looking, what the fuck is up with them people anyway, always confusing me (no offense to anyone there, 'cept one person who doesn't think I wrote these ) Anyway, as I was looking into his eyes I noticed something perculier, they reminded me of Martin's head. What's the word OH YEAH, they were empty.

As he looked into my eyes a chill ran down my spine, it was as though he couldn't actually see me but could at the same time. Then they suddenly turned a jet black and I felt something hit the back of my ankles, I looked down and saw a thick mist starting to surround my legs. I turned arround and could no longer see the tanyard. That bloody fog's back.

I sprung into action doing a forward rolley polley releasing a harpoon from it's catch and firing it into the abyss that was the fog........




Ok I don't think this one's as good as the others, no stupid thingies in it, except maybe the 2 girls 1 cup reference (which I don't reccomend seeing) and the rolley polley bit, and if you don't know what one is SHAME ON YOU!!!!!

Sorry for going off on a rant in places, some people just don't realise a genius when they see him lol

So yeah, I think the next ones going to be a lot better tbh, it's got some action in it and I'll try and make some stupid stunts or something.

PS. If you want something to be in it just say and I'll put it in, I already have one side-kick atm, maybe I could make some sort of crime(fog)fighting team off some sort.

Comments
8:48 am - 1 comments - 0 Kudos
Monday, September 01, 2008

Oh yes!!!!

The Fog Part 2: Harpoons!!!!! Comment and Enjoy.

So after my near death experience with a killer fog yesterday morning I thought to myself "I need weapons but not just any weapons. Weapons of a Harpoonish nature"

So there I was, on a treck to save humanity and I wondered. Where the Douche am I gonna find some Harpoons. Ofcourse the only possible place would lawrences, you know that place across from the tanyard, s'got a BIG blue sign all the way round the shop, they sell everything from screws to shelves, maybe even dildos but that is not what I am here for.

I went up to the cashier and asked "Do you have any harpoons in stock?"
The reply was a swift "No", it hit me like a kick in the balls. I was annoyed at this for obvious reasons. I shouted at the cashier
"WHY THE FUCK DID YOU KICK ME IN THE BALLS!!!!"
He yells "OH SHIT I'M SO SORRY, I FORGOT HOW POWERFULL MY NO'S ARE." I asked him again, this time I took upon a stance that covered my balls at all angles.
"DO YOU HAVE ANY HARPOONS!"
"I ALREADY TOLD WE DON'T HAVE ANY!!!"
"DO YOU KNOW WHERE I CAN GET SOME!?"
"YEAH NEXT DOOR, WILLIAM'S HARPOON SHOP!!"
"WHY ARE WE STILL SHOUTING!?!?!?"
"I HAVE NO IDEA"

I proceeded to travel next door to "Williams Harpoon Emporium." I walked in and it was like heaven. Harpoons everywhere!!

And then a sight I can only describe as pure beauty caught my eyes

"FOG HARPOONS!!"

Perfect, just what I was looking for!
I picked up 10 harpoons, there was a sale on you see, buy ten for the price of five.
FUCKING 'A'

I went to the counter to buy my precious harpoons and was met with an ugly sight
A chav hitting puberty.
"What do you want ya dirty sketer ghey" He squeaked, his voice cracking every so often.
I bought my harpoons and the dicky chav started to mock my awesome hair
I told him calmly "Do you think it's wise to annoy someone with harpoons?"
Silence.
"Yeah that's what I thought. Come back when your ball's have dropped"
The reply I was given totally blew me away.
"whut!?!?!? I'm a girl"
"HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!"
I got away from the man beast transvestite thing that has no gender as soon as possible and set of home to make a complete inventory of my purchases!

Stay in tune for the next instalment of my Uber epic stories

PS. Yeah I need ideas for future parts so tell me some stuff and i'll put ya in
6:00 pm - 6 comments - 10 Kudos
Sunday, August 31, 2008

I super story of my heoricnessness!!!

Current mood: accomplished

Muh first blog, And boy are you in for a fucking treat :D Last night I thought it would be fun to go to sleep with the curtains open,
just so I would wake up at the crack of dawn, you know just for shits and giggles.



Well I woke looked towards my feet and saw a strange sight, well saw is the wrong word, it's the lack of what I was seeing that shit me up.
I thought
RUSSEL WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!

You see I couldn't see the bottom of my garden, hell I couldn't even see half way down it, and thats only about 20 metres from the house.

BLOODY FOG!!!!!!

Suffice to say i jumped a little and paniced, THIS IS NOT NORMAL IN SUMMER!!!!!!!! so i went through the whole house lookin through all the windows and the fog was everywhere, We were surrounded!!!!!! My manly insticts jumped into action, what to do what to do i thought, and it came to me!
MAN THE HARPOOOONNNNSSSSS, but we don't have any SHIT! I must go out and buy some, but no!!!! I cannot. The Fog, is EVERYWHERE!!!!!

THEN IT HIT ME LIKE THE LOL WUT!?!?!?! PEAR BEING FIRED OUT OF A CANNON!!!

I thought to myself "the film I watched many years ago entitled 'THE FOG' Is coming true" cue scream ahhhhhhhh*, then I remembered that fog is green so all was well in the land of luke *sigh*

True story ^-^



*Disclaimer: I didn't actually scream you know, I dont scream i'm a man!!!!
>.> <.<
8:22 am - 6 comments - 8 Kudos