aggie

Subscribe!
Contacting aggie
Send message Forward
Add to friends Favorites
Add to group Block user
 Who gave a Kudo :
barrcode (2)
Michelle...x (2)
Wednesday, June 04, 2008

deafening silence

Views: 356
Comments: 2
A horrible deafening silence fills the dank air.
It is a silence that only the deaf know,
and the deaf despise.

Stepping across the threshold the girl moves to the sink.
Her bare feet shuffle soundlessly across the cold white tiles.
The black bathrobe falls silently as she slides it
off her shoulders. It falls silently to the icy floor.

The girl takes a match. The soft snap of her striking it sounds
like a gunshot echoing through a canyon. With the help
of a candle she brings (life) to the shadows. They dance rapidly;
jumping from wall to wall; circling their source; never resting.

The flickering light generated by the flame reveals a soul-less monster.
Looking into its eyes she knows she must rid herself of it.
Slowly, so as not to attract attention, she stretches out a limb
and takes the shining piece of shining metal. The spouts

begin to pour; life slowly drains into the sink.
A quiet grin grows on the girl’s face. This glistening smile
outshines even the burning candle. There (is) a sparkle in
her brown eyes. The life slowly drips down the drain.

With the monster defeated a small cheerful tear sprints
down her left cheek. Her (beautiful) new face glows radiantly
in the flickering candlelight. Tears of joy carve black mascara
trails down her pale face. Reaching out

she lets the remaining red life drip onto the pearl white candle.
Fighting a loosing battle it hisses and struggles to give life,
to the circling shadows. With a fatal drop the shadows are laid to rest.
Their life source extinguished; the room is dark again.

As darkness swallows her, the girl picks up a clean
white robe; leaving the black one lifeless on the floor.
Still dripping blood her bare feet, again, slide soundlessly across the tile.
Retreating past the threshold the deafening silence returns. Filling
the room this time with peace.
-------------------------------------------------- -----------------------

Look closely and you will see that life is beautiful.

I took a creative writing class this year and this is my favorite piece. Being a new writer and all I could use input on what people think about my work.

Your comments and critiques are appreciated.


2:43 pm - 2 comments - 4 Kudos - Report!
Comments
barrcode wrote on Jun 20th, 2008 11:54pm

I think it's lovely. It makes you think. Good job man =]]

quote

Michelle...x wrote on Sep 4th, 2008 8:48pm

mannnn that gives me goose bumps

god, id love to beable to write like you

nice job(Y)

quote

Post your comment
Expand