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Monday, May 11, 2009

Musings of a late night in spring...

Current mood: depressed

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Comments: 0
I...am not doing too well.

What I don't think a lot of people realise is that depression isn't constant at all.  You have on and off days.  Sometimes you can be having a good day, see or hear something and be plunged into a low point and so very many things can set me off these days...

It's a constant battle to keep myself out of these bad moments and, honestly, most of the time I loose.  I see so little reason to draw hope from anything most of the time... I'm in a crappy job that won't be lasting much longer, my body is...well many things but to me it's repulsive, my playing is iffy at best, I can't write music for crap, I'm socially paranoid to the point where I basically can't make the first move in talking to someone and I spend huge amounts of my time these days fighting the urge to carve my arms open and watch myself bleed.

But hey, life goes on, the war still wages and my sleep pattern never gets any better...


To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them. To die, to sleep—
No more—and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to. 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep—
To sleep—perchance to dream. Ay, there's the rub!
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,

Hamlet.
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