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Saturday, May 16, 2009

Writings: Live Flensing

Flay me alive
Strip the flesh from my bones
while I still draw breath
This flesh is useless
Disdain is all it earns

Strip back the layers
Skin torn from muscles
Muscle torn from bone
Blood drained
Fluid Spilled
Ethereal being left

Knives lacerate sinews
Decortication of tissues
Torturous death continues
Body despoiled a thousand times

Minscule incisions

No explainations, if you want meaning you can guess.
2:18 am - 1 comments - 0 Kudos
Monday, May 11, 2009

Musings of a late night in spring...

Current mood: depressed not doing too well.

What I don't think a lot of people realise is that depression isn't constant at all. You have on and off days. Sometimes you can be having a good day, see or hear something and be plunged into a low point and so very many things can set me off these days...

It's a constant battle to keep myself out of these bad moments and, honestly, most of the time I loose. I see so little reason to draw hope from anything most of the time... I'm in a crappy job that won't be lasting much longer, my body is...well many things but to me it's repulsive, my playing is iffy at best, I can't write music for crap, I'm socially paranoid to the point where I basically can't make the first move in talking to someone and I spend huge amounts of my time these days fighting the urge to carve my arms open and watch myself bleed.

But hey, life goes on, the war still wages and my sleep pattern never gets any better...

To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them. To die, to sleep—
No more—and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to. 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep—
To sleep—perchance to dream. Ay, there's the rub!
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,

5:36 am - 0 comments - 0 Kudos
Saturday, May 09, 2009

Writings: Perfect

Current mood: blank

New stuff time again, something that I knocked out in about 5 minutes at work earlier and inspired by something that was actually said to me by a close friend within the past couple of days. No pretentions to being lyrics this time, definitely a poem.


The perfect man wakes up in the morning
eats a perfect breakfast
goes to his perfect job
serving some customers with perfect courtesy
comes home at the perfect time
eats a perfectly nutritious dinner
talks to his perfect family
helps his friends with perfect advice
sits in his perfect room with his perfect things
watches the perfect movie on his perfect TV
lies down in his perfectly made bed
and sleeps a perfect sleep

The perfect man...

...perfectly alone.
12:23 am - 0 comments - 0 Kudos
Tuesday, April 14, 2009

A mind wracked...

Current mood: hopeful

A mind qracked by questions...or just one question, the one question that's occupying my every waking thought at the moment...

Is there and "us" or are we still just two people?
4:23 pm - 1 comments - 0 Kudos
Saturday, April 11, 2009

Writings: Sight to Sightless.

Current mood: calm

Written a while ago.

Sight to Sightless

Bring sight to the sightless
Vision to those who cannot see
Light to those in darkness
Air to ones who cannot breathe

Awareness of the others
Perception of conditions
Telling secrets
Embroiled in ire

Only one may see
Perception of possibilities
Under the surface
Where demons do dwell
Darkness of the animus

Surrounded by succubi of the umbra
No forgiveness here
All faults magnified
Present for all time

Bring air to the one who cannot breathe.
Bring light to the one in darkness.

If anyone can actually guess what they're about there will be cookies and buttsecks all round.
7:40 pm - 0 comments - 0 Kudos
Sunday, March 29, 2009

Indulging in a little wistful melancholy

Current mood: depressed

I would so much rather be you than me. You have no idea how much I hate being me sometimes...

You're in college, you have a girlfriend, you can write songs but most of all...I don't think you spend your life feeling like a third wheel. You have everything I want in life right now and you don't even realize it...
11:27 pm - 0 comments - 0 Kudos
Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Tiny announcement...

Current mood: blah

For all those that care (I know you're out there somewhere!):

I have finally booked an appointment with the doctor about my possible depression, thursday 9:10 am I will finally be officially getting help.
4:24 am - 4 comments - 2 Kudos
Friday, January 30, 2009

To whom it may concern (I see you HAARP!)

Current mood: busy

If you're going to recommend me to your band doing whatever, please, in future, TELL ME FIRST! Mysterious emails from random people do confuse me quite a lot...

In other news, I have a job and start on monday; repairing laptops for 9 hours a day...go me.
8:18 am - 0 comments - 0 Kudos
Thursday, January 29, 2009

The one thing I probably shouldn't do...

Current mood: contemplative

Is stay up late in all likelihood.

When I stay up late I begin to consider my life; I get lost in thoughts about things. When this happens I usually come to the conclusion that my life as it stands is trite and meaningless which inevitably leads to come kind of strategy to get out of the horrific rut I find myself in. The next day the promised new routine and changes never seem to come, actions never life continues its inexorable course ever forward and I end up the next night not only considering my life but how I keep failling to make the changes I so badly need...

I should go to sleep early ever night; I wouldn't think like this, I'd be healthier and certainly look better (eye bags are not flattering).

Someone, haul me out of my hole; give me a better reason to leave my bed and make me see a reason to stay out of it once I get home...right now I don't see either very often.
6:25 am - 0 comments - 0 Kudos
Monday, January 05, 2009

Fixed again...

Current mood: busy

Many many thanks to Dmitry from UG support for fixing my little screw-up, the completed "Writings" entry will be up soon after I get home for all those that care.

Hooray for blogging from work, eh?
3:16 pm - 0 comments - 0 Kudos
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