So recently I've began thinking about this. I've not had a proper relationship in over a year and I'm searching for reasons why. It's not that I'm not good in relationships, it's not that I'm scared of commitment and it's not that I can't get along with girls. My last relationship lasted nearly 2 years until I decided to break it off, I don't think about this girl any more so it's most certainly not that I'm still in love with her. I've found a lady though, a girl I desire to be with, but the logistics of the situation make it impossible. I've liked this girl for about a month now and give her the slight passing thought, but not much more. I tell myself that I want her, however, and that I love her. This drove me to the conclusion that love is conditional, if you try hard enough to fall in love with someone, chances are it will happen. I love my life at the moment, there isn't a thing that I want to change about it, apart from the fact I'm single. I don't understand why though, I know I don't have time for a relationship nor do I think I have the emotional capability of dealing with one whilst I'm in this condition of "auto-pilot". This drove me to ask myself why. In the future, I'd love to be married and have children. The only thing I wish for in my life is that I have children that I'm in contact with and that's the only thing I wish to draw from the future. What is the reason why I desire to love so much? My brother got married recently. Out of my 4 brothers, this particular brother is the one that I feel closest to, I can associate myself with most and wholeheartly, love the most. I'm also always compared to him before any of my other brothers. Does the fact that he's found the most beautiful lady in the world to be his wife make me want to find it as soon as I can, because I'm compared with him so much? I really don't know. But this sounds too much like a teen angst rant, which it really isn't. So yeah, if any reads this then
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Zakk_Wylde001's blogs, last updated : October 27, 2007
