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mr kipling (2)
Welsh Guitar (2)
Saturday, September 08, 2007

07/09/07 - Hastings and being accosted by a tramp

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Comments: 4
So I had nothing to do yesterday (Friday).  My dad had got a load of weed in so I nicked a bit of that and gave Matt a call to see if he wanted to go and sit by the steam railway (yeah, my town's seriously old school) and have a smoke, but he'd already agreed to drop Dan and Scott off in Hastings because they were going to some posh party.  I told him I'd go with him, purely to give me something to do.

We arrived in Hastings (which is a town right on the south east coast of Kent, if you don't know) an hour and half before the party started so decided to go and sit by the sea for a bit and have a smoke and a few beers while we waited.  We'd been sat there for about 10 minutes when the strangest woman in the world came and sat next to us.

She was dressed in a knackered leather jacket and carrying a plastic Tesco bag.  It wasn't immediately clear whether she was a tramp or just seriously scruffy, but it WAS clear that she was HAMMERED and absolutely drenched.  We tried to ignore her but she stood in front of us and started talking to us in a drunken slur.  She informed us that she'd been swimming in the sea in her clothes and that she'd managed to catch a mackeral (we assumed with her bare hands, because she definately didn't have a rod with her), and she then shook all of our hands (holding onto each of us for a little bit too long) and asked us our names.  She informed us that she was called Carla.

I'll try and roughly sum up the dialogue that ensued:

Carla:      "So you boys are students then?"
Me:         "Yeah, how can you tell, is it because we're clearly wasters? " *laughter*
Carla:      "You're wasted?!"
Me:         "Erm... Yeah, sure, whatever"
Carla:      "Oh my God, Wasted the band?  I thought I recognised you guys, I've seen you in the paper, I keep meaning to buy your CD"

we all glanced at each other, all thinking "wtf is this woman chatting about?"

Dan:        "Yeah, we're here as part of our tour"
Carla:      "What do you play?"
Me:         "I play the flute and sing"
Matt:      "I play the bagpipes"
Scott:     "I'm the drummer"
Dan:        "I play the hurdigurdy"
Carla:      "Right right.... I'VE JUST BEEN SWIMMING"
Dan:        You ought to get back in, you look like you could do with a wash
*she didn't hear that*

Much more drunken banter ensued, ending with Scott getting a picture of us and her openly groping my testicles which was seriously unpleasant but made for a great photo!  After that we took our leave, dropped Dan and Scott off at the party and then me and Matt headed back to Tenterden and sat outside the steam railway eating homous, bread and having a smoke until we'd smoked all the weed I had.  We then went back to mine, watched some telly, ate some coffee and then had a couple of joints with my dad and then he left and I went to bed.  Good night!
4:45 pm - 4 comments - 4 Kudos - Report!
mr kipling wrote on Sep 8th, 2007 5:19pm

I once saw a tramp shit all over a street.


misty_b wrote on Sep 11th, 2007 6:08pm

I wanna see the testicle groping picture...


kaptink wrote on Sep 13th, 2007 1:19pm

The seafront of hastings is a weird place, especially by the arcades and minigolf.


Welsh Guitar wrote on Oct 27th, 2007 2:09pm

Omg thats funny.

BUT MAJOR FLAW! "ate some coffee"?


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