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Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Confessions

Current mood: blank

This is where I reveal some sick, immature, and probably not too shocking truths about myself.

  • I have extremely low self esteem, and constantly want to be shown affection (read: I'm an attention whore).

  • I'm on a constant mission of self validation, often using others to feel better about myself and give myself a sense of purpose.

  • I attach myself to others, in a mental and emotional sense as to delude myself into thinking that I am wanted by people who in all honesty, would not be different if I had not come along.

  • I want nothing more than to have a profound affect on people, which is something that I have rarely done in my life.

  • I get stuck in self destructive spirals to the point of which I'm in bad moods for days on end, dragging down any who will listen.

  • I get stuck in these moods because I find fault in most things in life, where most others are content with the situation.

  • I fall for people far more than I should, often being disappointed by the outcome, sometimes losing contact with them altogether.

  • I'm socially awkward, despite the best effort on my part to convince people to like me.

  • I'm secretly jealous of those who have stable relationships, because they have a steady stream of support and affection that I lack from anyone, including the people who bore me into the world.

  • By sharing these, I am only confirming that I am, in fact, an attention whore, who wants nothing more than to be shown pity and affection.
Let the alienation begin..!
12:15 am - 3 comments - 4 Kudos
Friday, March 20, 2009

Her Worst Nightmare

Current mood: accomplished

Gothic short story written (with the help of xcynicx) for english class. Enjoy :cheers:

It was a dark and stormy night when the Countess woke to a scratching upon her window. She buttoned her night dress and walked the length of the room, the chill from the cold, flagstone floor rising through her, to investigate the noise. She opened the rain specked window that overlooked the usually beautiful courtyard of her castle, only to find nothing. She shuddered and, unable to get back to sleep, lit a candle which cast an eerie glow upon the room.

She sat upright in bed, scanning the room slowly. Just then, she was startled by a shadow flying across the walls, and only a second later a tall figure standing at the foot of her bed. She gasped for breath and reached for the candle which shed light upon the man's face and his deepset, onyx colored eyes. He moved towards her smoothly yet menacingly and in the blink of an eye he held her wrist in his hand, the candelight showing the deep wrinkles of his ghastly face. She tried wrestling away from his grip, but his grasp was tight and she was unable to free herself.

He pulled her from bed to the window and dangled her out in the rain soaked blackness. The man loosed his grip on her slightly as her screams ripped through the night. As lightning flashed behind her the cloaked figure dropped her to the courtyard.

She awoke with a start, heart pounding, eyes furtively searching the room for the dark figure who just seconds ago held her out in the night. Moments later a young man of 20 entered her room and, pulling her close, quieted her screams of anguish. The Countess, having calmed down, looked into the eyes of the young man. She backed away, realizing they were the same eyes as the figure from her nightmare. She took this as a sign from a higher power to stay with him, and that her previous plan to leave in the night was not a wise one.

The nightmares became a regular occurence for her, waking from them nightly and looking down upon her husband's face, watching it age over the years into the ghastly face she saw in her visions. His heart became cold. As the chill in his heart turned to violence, she began to fear him.

One night she awoke as usual to find her husband, not in bed, but standing over her. She screamed as he pulled her from bed to the window where rain fell steadily yet roughly on the glass. He opened the window and held her out as lightning streaked across the sky, illuminating his face. She shrieked at the sight of the face from her nightmares. Moments later the echoes of her screams died out as a loud thud was heard and birds flew up into the night, her body lying motionless on the ground below.
6:32 pm - 22 comments - 22 Kudos
Monday, September 15, 2008

thats a lot of wind...

Current mood: accomplished

so today was quite possibly the windiest day in the history of the city of columbus ohio. trees everywherehavelost branches and there are powerlines down everywhere. in my neighbors back yard his tree caught a big gust of wind and split in half, falling in his neighbors backyard and crushing the fence and the plastic jungle gym by the fence. so my dad and i decide to be good neighbors and go over to help him remove the tree. so we both help my neighbor and his son cut up this tree and move it to the front yard so that te city can take it away.

my good deed for the day is done, and i couldnt be more happy. it was agood work out, despite some minor scrapes and cuts i got while doing it.

btw, for those of you who dont understand WHY there was so much wind, it was because of hurricane ike. no rain, but a hell of a lot of wind.
3:18 am - 9 comments - 5 Kudos
Monday, August 11, 2008

one question, one answer

Current mood: bored

1 question...
1 honest answer
Thats all you get

You get to ask me 1 question (TO MY INBOX)
Any question, anything, no matter how crazy it is
No catch
Just between you and I
No one else will ever know
But I dare you to repost this
And see what people ask you
3:49 am - 0 comments - 0 Kudos
Friday, August 08, 2008

andyology (wtff???)

Current mood: bored

Let others know a little more about yourself, re-post this as your name
followed by "ology"

What is your salad dressing of choice?
none

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
um.. prolly any chinese place

What are your pizza toppings of choice?
cheese, onion, green pepper

What do you like to put on your toast?
peanut butter and jelly..

What is your wallpaper on your computer?
escape the fate

How many televisions are in your house?
4

What color cell phone do you have?
red and silver

Are you right-handed or left-handed?
right

Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
um.. 7 babyteeth.

What is the last heavy item you lifted?
one of those old fashioned tvs that double as a fuckin table..

Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
yea

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
yea, itd be nice to know

If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
eh.. prolly william. but idk. i dont have the proper accent to pull it off.

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
how hot is it??

Last time you had a run-in with the cops.
aout 6 months ago

Last person you talked to?
um.. joey

Last person you hugged?
not rele sure. probably a senior on the last day of school

Season?
winter

Holiday?
halloween

Day of the week
saturday

Month?
october

Missing someone?
a bit

Mood?
indescribable. so many different ones. bored, worried, angry, depressed, slighty ashamed, etc..

Listening to?
with eyes wide shut - blessthefall

Watching?
scrubs

Worrying about?
anything and everthing

First place you went this morning?
the kitchen

What can you not wait to do?
go to a concert tomorrow

What's the last movie you saw?
300

Do you smile often?

occasionally
6:10 am - 5 comments - 4 Kudos
Thursday, July 31, 2008

the match of ages.. i lost

Current mood: numb

ok, so i havent blogged in a while, and i feel the need to... yesterday i got my ass PWNed by a truck and th dumbass behind the wheel. i was on my bike for the 1st time in forever and decided id go get somethin to eat at chipotle.. it was AMAZING.. *drool*but anyways, on the way back homei was riding past the entrance to a parking lot and some jackass in a beat up toyota truck hits me on my entire left side and pushes me out into the street.. my legs get tangled up in my handlebars and hes just standing there watchin me try to get free and then finally he helps and bynow my left leg is killing me. i look down and its bleeding a bit and its swollen like hell, and my bike tires are all fucked up too.. so then me and a friend limp across the street, turns out itll be over $60 to get the rims fixed, but the guy in the truck said hed pay for it.. only problem is they dont have the right parts yet.. so it ends up my dad showing up (in the ambulance he drives, scares the crap outta the guy who hit me) and then we get the guys info, and my friend calls his dad to come get the bike, and i go home after gettin pics of the guys truck and liscense plate.. woke this morning with a killer pain in my hip and shin..



so the question: who would win, a truck or someone on a bike??

the answer: the truck.
5:18 pm - 5 comments - 5 Kudos
Saturday, May 17, 2008

ive got a little question for u guys...

Current mood: rejuvenated

wanna have sex with me????? post this and see
just how many people comment you saying that
they wanna have sex with you.

1= No

2= maybe

3= Hell Yeah!

4= Get The Condoms

5= when, where, what positions

6= My Pants Are Already Off

7= Im In Bed Waiting *Wink Wink*

8= Fuck condoms, come here

2:48 pm - 18 comments - 4 Kudos
Friday, May 16, 2008

100 truths

Current mood: thoughtful

1. Perfect? no
2. Tall? yea
3. In your pajamas?no
4. Left handed?no

LAST:
1. Friend you saw: zac

2. Talked to on the phone:father
3. Person to text you:cant remember
4. Person to say they loved you:i cant remember the lat to MEAN it.. but diana

FAVORITE:
1. Number: 13

2. Color(s): red, acid green
3. Food:ameri-chinese

4. Place: in the rain on a deserted street

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS:

Q: What was the first thing you did this morning when you got up?

hit my head

Q: Do you have anything bothering you?
hell yes

Q: Do you smile often?
if i have a reason to

Q: Do you wish upon stars?
no

Q: Are you a friendly person?
yea, kinda


Q: Where did you sleep last night?
floor

Q: Why did you sleep there?
its more comfortable than my bed

Q: When was the last time you cried?
urm... i cant remember.. i think recently... maybe the last time my gma went to the hospital

Q: What was your last thought before going to sleep last night?
i hope tomorrow is better than today


Q: Rate life on a scale of 1-10 1 being bad, 10 being great.
eh, 7

Q: What do you hear right now?
escape the fate- friends and alibis. screaming, fighting.

Q: Does anything hurt right now?
yea. a lot. my head, my ears, my nose, my stomach, my feet, my heart.


Q: What's your favorite month?
april

TEN EMOTIONS:
1. Are you missing someone right now?
yea,a lot

2. Are you happy?
um.. kinda?

3. Are you sad?
yep. and i can say tht with a straight face (///_-)

4. Are you bored?
no

6. Are you nervous?
yea

7. Are you loved?
eh, i dont believe tht i am, but if so, great.

8. Are you tired?
immensely

9. Are your parents still married?
yea. maybe not for long

10. Do you trust your top 2?
yes

001​. Real name?
Andrew ***** Essex

002​. Nicknames?
andy, and a lot of pet names.

003. Eye color?
depends. some days its blue, others its grey, others its green.

004. Zodiac sign?
libra/sheep


005. Male or female?
Male

006. if you had one wish before dying, what would you wish for?
i want love one more time. real love. real fucking love.

007. Crushing?
yea

008. Slut?
a bit.. but not intentionally

009. Smart?
yea, just dont apply myself

010. Hair color?
brown. brown. and more brown

011. Long or short?
long-ish.. long enough for a ponytail.

012. Beach or pool?
pool

013. Sweats or Jeans?
jeans

014. Phone or Camera?
phone

015. Health freak?
nah

019. Piercings?
not yet maaan!

020. Tattoos?
dude, what did i just say??

021. Righty or lefty?
righty

FIRSTS :
023. First piercing? none yet. gna be a lip ring

024. First best friend? tyler
025. First award?why does it matter, i dont get em anymore..

026. First crush?um...kaytlyn sweeney
027. First pet? a fishy!!
028. First big vacation?road trip down theeast coast then aplane to texas from florida then from texas to washington

CURRENTLY :
049. Eating? no
050. Drinking? no
052. I'm about to?shower
053. Listening to? MCR
054. Plans for today? its nine at night stupid. what do u think my plans are?

055. Waiting for? more than i can expect

WHICH IS BETTER WITH GIRL/BOY?
068. Lips or eyes? Eyes
072. Romantic or spontaneous? romantics
073. Nice stomach or nice arms? stomach
074. Sensitive or loud? sensitive

075. Hook-up or relationship? relationship

HAVE YOU EVER :
079. Drank bubbles? no
080. Lost glasses/contacts?yea
081. Ran away from home? yea
084. Broken someone's heart?no

085. Been arrested?close!

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
089. Yourself? kinda

090. Miracles? nah
091. Love at first sight? yea
092. Heaven? no

093. Santa clause? no
094. Sex on the first date? maybe
095. Kiss on the first date? its expected man

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :
097. Do you love someone? yea.. too much
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life?not rele. but ill live
099. Do you believe in true love? yea.. id have to.


100. Post as 100 truths

1:37 am - 3 comments - 2 Kudos
Monday, April 28, 2008

loss of a soul..

Current mood: depressed/confused

today i lost one of the best things thts everhappened to me. my best friend, and ex, basically told me that she is gna stop talking to me... i thought i hadthe best intentions but they just ended up driving her away.. i dont even have any real reason to write this except to vent and say on the off chance tht she reads this that im sorry. it feels like i sorta lost a part of myself when she told me tht but ill live... i think..
9:14 am - 8 comments - 10 Kudos
Monday, April 28, 2008

addicts for dramatics

Current mood: frustrated

ok, im not gna even waste time on pleasantries, im just getting into it. my 2 best friends are like, horribly mad at eachother, and im stuck in the middle.. on one side is someone who ive known pretty much my entireschool life and on the other is the girl ive known since 6th grade and dated.. what makes things worse is tht not only can i stay neutral, but i just heard from the girl tht the guy has been lying to me to make her look bad.. and i dont know whos telling the truth. he has never lied to me, but what he said didnt sound tht likely in the 1st place.. id ask for advice but theres not rele much to advise me on here.. unless u know these ppl personally its kind of hard to judge and i already believe the girl more than the guy aynways.. but thanx for listening!! (if u even made it this far)
1:28 am - 7 comments - 4 Kudos
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