If anyone reads all of this, I'l give them a cookie.
A lot has happened since I last wrote a blog these past five months. I met Lamb of God, saw Alexi laiho get trashed on stage, fell in love (for real), played lots of guitar, got into drinking and weed, went aboard multiple mental rollercoasters, made new friends, lost old friends, competed with a best friend for a womans heart, and much more. I'll try to make 6 months of insanity as nutshelled as possible.
The last time I wrote ablog was at the start of this year. Let me say that 2009 has been wild. I never saw that chick that I met at that party again, but whatever. The girl in my last blog (I went to her house and played mario kart) disappeared for awhile, and I'd see her maybe once a week at a party or something, but I didn't expect anything serious to come out from her.
I started talking to other girls or whatever, but the first girl that I played mario kart with (lets say her name is sally, just 'cause) seemed like the best girl. We started seeing eachother more at parties and conversing, little did I know that there was a lot more to this woman than meets the eye, and I mean that in a good and a bad way. This girl is my first love, for real.
So one day, I went to this rave with her and her friends. She was really flirty with me that night, and she's 18. One of her friends asks me randomly "Nikkolai, how old are you?" and I answered, and sally just says "WHAT YOU'RE 16? You're as old as my brother! Well, I Guess I cant date you now". With this girl, yuou can never tell if she's serious or not. During the rave I pulled her outside and I told her I was starting to like her a lot. She looked at me and just said "... I kinda like you too...but... you're kinda weird....... and you're 16..." How would YOU feel, if a girl said that to you? I mean, it's not like I can't collect 3 magic stones, go into a temple, and magically be an adult...
So I go back to peacocks billiards (its a place I go to a lot, don't know if I've mentioned it before... When you're underage, it's the place to be ) and my buddies are hanging out there playing pool. I ususally hang out at the bar table and drink root beer, since I can't drink beer, and talk to randoms. I talked to Julian (don't know if I mentioned him ever, but he's one of my best friends) about 'sally' and what happened, and talked about it to Dennis (he's the bartender) and had a good night.
Two days later, saturday, I head into Peacocks. I see Julian and 'sally' sitting together . Now this pissed me off, because, Julian should be following the GUY CODE! What a dick. Anyways, so I decided to rain on his parade, and I ask to sit down. Sally looked kinda nervous, and she goes to the washroom, more than likely to let us talk things out, she's perceptive like that. Right when she leaves I spazzed out at him, and he said he doesnt like her, which I thought was bullshit. We hung out all night at peacocks and then she stayed over at his house. Basically, for two good weeks, she stayed over at his house. Now, I talked to another guy about this, and he said women will do that, stay over a tguys house for weeks and NEVER lseep with them, he's in the friendzone. So I was okay with that, and Dennis got in on it on his own will and did some detective owrk and found out julian doesnt like her that way anyway.
During those two weeks, I had a lot of good times iwth this igrl. We party at this place called 'The green house', it's just a house, but it's always hotboxed, hence the name. I partied every day, even on school nights, beucase I didn't want julian to get ahead of me. Let's just say I got in a conflict with the girl for awhile, and things really sucked, one monda ynihgt, the firs tnight at the green house, everyone goes up stairs in some bedroom and starts playing their acoustic guitars. There were amps, and I brought my ibanez along, and played my own music downstairs. I stopped playing for a sec and heard them all singing, and decided to go upstairs. I start to sing with them in the room and the damn crazy blonde jumps ontop of me and we started wrestling.
We stumble out of the room and start rolling around on the floor, she goes ontop of me in the sexual position, and just stares at me, and theres this LOOONG silence, and I Coudl feel her sitting on my crotch. After a long silence we continued to brawl, or whatever, and at one point shes like "NIKKOLAI, PUNCH ME IN THE FACE!" and I was a little puzzled, and just said "..wait...what?" "Punch me in the FACE YOU LOSER!" so I was like "...okay" and kissed her . Her face went as red as a tomato, and she was blushing like mad. She says "EEW! YOU WEIRDO!", she uppercuts me and runs out of the room.
I find the funny thing iwth this girl is, she's SO AGRESSIVE! She's very violent, and she's a Taurus. I figured it out pretty fast, but deep down isnide, I knew she was this sensitive girl that goes home and cries. Don't ask how I knew, I just did. She puts on that agressive attitude to hide her pain and her insecurities. I'm the only one that ever figured that out, as EVERYONE thinks she's a bitch.
Her dad's a heroin addict, and I'm pretty sure he abused her a lot, and probably raped her too, or molested her, who knows, but she definitel yhas a fucked up background. She doesn't know how to treat people. She's very mean to me sometimes, especially as her self-esteem goes down, and as her self-esteem would get worse, she'd get even more cruel. If I don't give her any affection or attention for a long enough time, it'll start to drive her insane. One day, I remember I said hi to EVERYONE but her, and I saw her legs start to shake and her anxiety was building up, I didn't tlak to her for about a week. It's quite clear she wants my affection. Basically we had a lot more good and bad times.
I'm leaving out a lot of shit here btw. One night, the sunday before easter. I hung out with Sally and her best friend, downtown and she got wasted. She apparently is in love with Julian, and she went to look for him, I knew he was at the docks, so I went there first. On the way I saw her best friend trying to get raped by some homeless guy, and I saved her. she had to go pee in the pita pit so I let her go do that. I went to see Julian and we got in an argument, he kept saying that sally's a stupid bitch and I got pissed. She appears out of nowhere, and he said to fuck off and to take her with me. We go to the other end of the water and sit on a bench, she sits in a garbage can with her legs sticking out and puts her hood up. I stared out at the water for a good five minutes. I took her hood off and she was crying, and I tried to hug her.
She pushes me away and leaves. I go to bastion square to think. 20 minutes later she comes back with her friend and she slike "NIKKOLAI I GOT IN A FIGHT AT MCDONALDS WITH SOME BITCH" and told me about it. We started drinkign in an alleyway nex tto bastion, and an ARMY OF CRAZY HOES appear out of nowhere and surround us. They started calling sally really vulgar names, you know how it is. One girl was calling her a whore because she slept iwth her boyfriend, and sally says hes an asshole and she hates him anyway, then he pops out of nowhere . Nothing else really happened and the ypeace out.
HOURS LATER (I'm seriously trying to nutshell everything) we're outside the mcdonalds, and sally's WASTED, and she hugs me and starts crying and we were talking about a lot of things, she said she wants a man, and when she looks at me she sees "a kid who's still learning about life", but when I'm older she'll consider me, and then said sorry again, or whatever. We hang out of ranother 2 or 3 hours, it's 1 AM? 2 AM? Her best friend gets picked up by her parents, and sally says to me "Nikkolai...slumber party at your place?" . Obviously, I obliged to such an invitation.
She comes over to my house and we played smash brothers all night, and I kicked her ass, obviously. The whole night was VERY AWKWARD. Every time our eyes would meet, we'd blush and look away. I barely got any sleep.
I find whenever we get too close, emtionally, she pushes me away.
Anyways, April 08, Lamb of God, Children of Bodom, As I Lay Dying, Municipal Waste, and God Forbid!
I got to stay at the front of the bar for lambs set, there was a wall of death during black label. After the show I went to the tour buses and lamb came out (seirously) and signed my congregation shirt. Alexi laiho was trashe dout of his mind, chris said he couldn't come out. I saw him for a sec in the tour bus though. We sang happy birthday to him from outside and saw pizza guys bringing a cake into the bus.
A few months later, Sally's drunk out of her mind again (what else is new) and she starts to brawl with me, and I dominated her it got very kinky, strangling, hair pulling, you name it, we did it. Here's one of the battle scars:
She tore my Congregation shirt that was signed by LOG with her teeth.
That was a good time... lol.
Anyways, one night, she was like "nikkolai... have a beer Jus tone beer...have a beer nikkolai" and I eventually gave in and had abeer, I started drinking shot sof random things, I didnt know what any of it was. I got so trashed that it took me ten minutes to put the key into my door.
On 4:20 I got into weed, which was interesting.
One day, Sally says to me "Nikkolai...do you wanna have sex?" and I was just iwth my friend Gabe, and gabe looks at me and hes like pretty muc hsaying "dO IT!! DO IT!!" and with this girl, you can NEVER TELL IF SHE'S SEIROUS. It's psychology 101 whenever you hang out iwth her. She knows how to controll her body languange to confuse you, so I had to do it a lot too, it was almos talways a mind game. I thought the best thing ot do would be to tease her and leave it open, so I said "I dunno, I think you'd just enjoy it too much". She pauses, and just says "I'd acutally do it...but... just ause your ea virign, and you think you'll blow me away, but then you'd cum in 5 seconds nad I'd be like "haha I told you so". There was a pause, and everyone else showed up.
Sally's Ex from australia appears out of nohwere, and she starts to date him. She disappears for about a month ,and I went insane. If you saw a girl every day (literally) for so many months, you'd star tto miss her a lot.
So about a month goes by, nothing really that interestin ghappens. I see sally with her best friend drunk ou to fher mind, and theres two douchebag guys with them. Sally sees me and quickly turns around and seems kind of nervous. When I went over there she turns around and shes like "...OH...its YOU" (She always tries to play it off like she hates me when others are around, that always bothered me). and she says to one of the guys "This guys OBSESSED with me". She's very unpredictable when she's drunk, she's either very mean, or very nice. In this case, she was a bitch.
She said at one point "You know what? I don't like you, at ALL". I said "oh...yeah? WEll, I don't like you EITHER!" (obviously lieing). She looked kind of hurt. She stares at me for a minute, slaps me in the face, and leaves. I left and cried .
I got really depressed for the next week. A few days ago, me, julian, his brothers, and some other friends go to the beach. Now, I may sound crazy, but when she's nearby, I know... Like, I don't acutally know, but I just kinda feel her presence, i guess, don't ask, but I'll just know if she's nearby. I had a feeling she was coming, and she shows up with some guy, he was this big burly looking musclehead guy.
He never said anything, it turns out he's the boyfriend from australia or whatever. I'm nutshelling this night with the most important part. Keep in mind, me and sally have been in a major conflict for a long tim enow. I said to my friend Tristan at one point "You know, tristan... Don't frown because of what you lost... just smile...because it happened" and Sally says "...What was that? Nikkolai, say it again" and I repeate dmyself, and she turned her head and stared at me. I said "Well, if you can't see someone anymore, you shouldn't frown becuase you can't see them anymore, but you should smile, becuase you have memorie sthat you can hold onto and cherish in your heart." She pauses and says "OMG..Nikkolai...that's the most sense you've ever made, in, like...ever! Give me a hug!" I looked at her like she was from another planet, and she comes over to me and tells me to stand up and so I obliged, and she gave me a REAL hug. I mean, it wans't a bullshit hug, she squeased me really hard (that line oculd be interpeted in so many wrong ways ).
She left or whatever, and I had a good ngiht. I was recently informed that she was crying in the youth centre a few days ago. That poor girl. I got depressed after that, I just felt bad for her, because I seriously do give a shit about her well being. I found out from an inside girl that she doesnt want to be with him anymore, but shes stayign with him anyway. Why do women do that anyway? I mean, he's makign her miserable, so what hte fuck's the point?
I haven't seen her since then, that was a few days ago. She's only been taught agresion and pain, and thats the only way she knows how to be to somebody. So, I think when she says "I hate you", it's her way of saying "I love you" (not nececessarily romantically). I explained this to a few friends and it made sense to them.
SO MUCH MORE HAS HAPPENED, but I tried to nutshell it as best as I could, almost every day was blog worthy, seriously. I'll keep my blogs up to date from here. This girl still isn't mine, and I love her dearly, but I know it will happen. I'll just be patient.
I figure you're a grown-up when you start to see other people, and their needs, desires and feelings ahead of your own and you choose to do the right thing.
I think this girl, coming from the background she does, uses flirtation to make guys desire her, and make herself feel valued, because thanks to Daddy dearest, her sexuality is the only thing she thinks gets her any male attention. She flirts with you to make herself feel valued, but if there's someone "better" (sorry) than you she'll flirt with them instead.
Now there are a lot of guys who would take advantage of a girl in this psychological position, but you're clearly not one of them. Unfortunately this Australian douchebag seems to be. He keeps her around because he can use her, and she stays with him because she thinks that's what love is like. But it isn't. Love is putting somebody else's needs, desires and feelings ahead of your own.
Yeah, this was a long comment... be her friend dude. It isn't easy, but treat her well for who she is.
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Update on my rediculous life blog
With this girl, yuou can never tell if she's serious or not. During the rave I pulled her outside and I told her I was starting to like her a lot. She looked at me and just said "... I kinda like you too...but... you're kinda weird....... and you're 16..." How would YOU feel, if a girl said that to you? I mean, it's not like I can't collect 3 magic stones, go into a temple, and magically be an adult...
) and my buddies are hanging out there playing pool. I ususally hang out at the bar table and drink root beer, since I can't drink beer, and talk to randoms. I talked to Julian (don't know if I mentioned him ever, but he's one of my best friends) about 'sally' and what happened, and talked about it to Dennis (he's the bartender) and had a good night.
. Now this pissed me off, because, Julian should be following the GUY CODE! What a dick. Anyways, so I decided to rain on his parade, and I ask to sit down. Sally looked kinda nervous, and she goes to the washroom, more than likely to let us talk things out, she's perceptive like that. Right when she leaves I spazzed out at him, and he said he doesnt like her, which I thought was bullshit. We hung out all night at peacocks and then she stayed over at his house. Basically, for two good weeks, she stayed over at his house. Now, I talked to another guy about this, and he said women will do that, stay over a tguys house for weeks and NEVER lseep with them, he's in the friendzone. So I was okay with that, and Dennis got in on it on his own will and did some detective owrk and found out julian doesnt like her that way anyway.
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