I've felt really weird lately. I don't know what it is. It's not sadness really, more like indifference to pretty much everything. I just feel grey. It's been happening for maybe a year on and off, but a lot the past months or two. It'll go for a while but it always comes back. I guess it's school, cause it only seems to go when I do everything to take my mind off schoolwork. If I'm out with friends, or just sitting at home listening to music, it goes away. The minute I even think about school though I feel bad. I don't even want to try anymore, cause it feels like so much work for a piece of paper that says "Good job, you passed some tests." I know I need grades for later in life but I just have a hard time getting something that seems so far off to be enough motivation to try. I think it's cause I used to always get good grades, and school wasn't that hard. Now I have such a big work load and I don't even understand half the stuff I have to do. I have to go all the way through post secondary before I can even try applying somewhere where the skills I use would be relevant to what I want to do. I just feel like it's so much work, just to get to a stage where I have to do more work, so that later I can do more work. I know it seems like something stupid to complain about but I just feel like I want to give up and sit in my room for the rest of my life half the time. I don't know.