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VanTheKraut's blogs, last updated : February 22, 2009
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Sunday, February 08, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009

What does The interwebz say about you?

Current mood: bitchy

RULES:
Go to Google and type in your first name and the phrase. Copy and paste the first sentence/phrase you get that makes sense.


Q: Type in "[your name] needs" in the Google search.
A: Your Van needs Bat wings! (Yes, yes i do...)
Van needs a miracle
Van needs you
Q: Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search.
A: Van might look like a garbage wagon (might???)


Q: Type in "[your name] says" in Google search.
A: Van Says "AWOOGA"  (... no comment)

Q: Type in "[your name] wants" in Google search.
A: Van wants to invest in commercial property (its a very lucrative trade partnership)

Q: Type in "[your name] does" in Google search.
A: 1.Van does Endo (...the fuck is endo?)
2. Van does doughnuts (How did they know?)
Q: Type in "[your name] hates" in Google search.
A: 1. Van hates hot days ( so true)
2. Van hates the cold (also true)
3.Van hates waking up (ITS LIKE THEY KNOW ME!!!)

Q: Type in "[your name] loves" in Google search.
A: Van loves to dance (LIES!!!)
2. Van loves to throw sand (only at the beach)

Q: Type in "[your name] enjoys" in Google search.
A: Van enjoys the beach but impending childbirth scares him... (it does)

Q: Type in "[your name] asks" in Google search.
A: Van asks for trouble ( can you give it to me)

Q: Type in "[your name] goes" in Google search.
A: Boy injured after Van goes into Greensboro Creek (HE WAS IN MY WAY!)

Q: Type in "[your name] likes " in Google search.
A: Van likes his options
Van really likes to pinch and pull at my skin when I'm feeding him, this morning I had to tell him "NO". (Damn you!)

Q: Type in "[your name] eats " in Google search.
A: Van eats my personal stuff! (Why the hell did you leave it on the table then?)

Q: Type in "[your name] wears " in Google search.
A: Van wears skimpy bikini at the INsider... (Sexy Beast!)

Q: Type in "[your name] was arrested for" in Google Search.
A: Van arrested for DUI (ehh... I'll take it, atleast its not like I murdered 40 kids and ate them than buried their arms and legs in my basement or something...)

So what does the internet think about you?
9:40 am - 1 comments - 2 Kudos
Monday, January 19, 2009

What if you finally made it?

Current mood: devious

What if you finally made it?

Type of Music Fusion of Thrash and Tanz Metal

Rockstar Girlfriend Can't Tie me down!

Band Rider 
(food/drink/other backstage wise) Dr. Pepper, McDonalds

Band Transport Tour Bus

Sponsership Deals Fender (Jackson), Randall

Signature Instrument/Gear Signature Jackson Randy Rhoads, Signature Burns Bison with new pickups and headstock, Signature Gibson Firebird V, Signature High-gain amp that goes to 11!

Record Label Elektra

Manager Emu (Pilgrim Management)

Record Producer Elektra

Mastering Elektra

Royalty Split Even Cut, or maybe songwriter gets 50%

Approach to Fans I'm no better, I'm only Human

Ridiculous Indulgence  Wall of Guitars!!!

Band Breakup Artistic Differences

Rockstar Death
On Stage, some pyrotechnic goes horribly wrong and I end up dying in some fiery explosion
2:25 pm - 1 comments - 0 Kudos
Monday, August 04, 2008

My adventures with a hilarious (and stupid) Troll,

Current mood: Lulz

If only I remembered this guys username Jeez, I swear all of this is 100% true... So, I'm browsing the chat and had just made some comment about Grammar nazis, I get this PM-
"Van you little nerd queer you probably play WOW all day"
(I've never played WOW, even if I liked it it costs too much)
My response "... The Fuck is your problem?"
Him- "You've probably never talked to a girl and your mom doesnt count"
(LOL!)
Me- Whats your problem, you pissed at the nazi comment?
Him- Yeah
M- Thats your problem, you a nazi?
Him- Yeah
Me- Go to hell, you fucked up Germany
(He then immediatly switches conversations for more lulz)

Him- You have sucky guitars (he doesnt even know what guitars I have)
Me- dude, you've never even seen my guitars
Him- they probably suck balls because your a newbie (lulz)
Me- I have a Samick LS-35 and a Jackson Rhandy Rhoads how about you?
Him- We have 11 (sounds like smeagol)
mE- We?
Him- Yes we
Me- We as in the whole city you live in?
(I dont say anything for awhile because this kids weird, He waits for about 2 minutes then outta nowhere...)

Him- I have a gibson Les Paul from like 1972
Me- ()Cool... (I wouldnt care even if he really did)
Him- and a Ibanez Jem
Me- dude Ibanez suck balls
Him- well I have a jackson Dkm2 (could someone check if thats even real)
Me- dude, I dont care
Him- Well I can play Fire fly
Me- Its Feuer Frei dumbass, and its not impressive, 
Him- YA IT IS!!!
Me- No, that was like the second song I learned
Him- I can play dust in the wind (YA RIGHT)
Me- Whatever bro, you're comeing off as really desperate
Him- And master of Puppets! (how does he go from dust in the wind to master of puppets)
Me- I dont care, you just sound like a dork who has no friends so he lies on the internet
Him- and Through The fire and flames (obvious troll, is obvious)
Me- Ya fucking right, you sound so desperate right now
(I decided to try him on the fact that he said he was nazi earlier)
Me- BTW Im Jewish
Him- Me too! OMG (how long of a memory does this retard have?)
Me- WTF? YOU JUST SAID YOU WERE NAZI!
Him- Why would I say that I'm nazi, I'm jewish
(pause literally 2 seconds)
Him- haha you have no foreskin bitch!
Me- (Loling) Whatever dude I'm out
Me- poor little 12 yr old queer, cant even make any friends on the internet (logs out)

well thats the end, I hope I didnt forget about any of it, this happened about 3 days ago in the UG chat, like I said all of this is 100% true, I didnt have to exagerate or lie because this kid gave me the perfect lulz as it was... please comment or kudo

-Van
1:12 pm - 5 comments - 5 Kudos
Monday, July 21, 2008

BANNED :(

Banned and I dont know Y... wtf? no warning or anything, I dont remember breaking any rules...
1:07 pm - 2 comments - 0 Kudos
Sunday, June 29, 2008

5 questions

Ok,You get to ask me 5 Questions (TO MY INBOX)...Any

question, no matter how crazy it is, and I promise to answer it

truthfully...the catch is...you have to repost this and see what

people ask you....(repost as..5 questions):D

2:15 pm - 0 comments - 0 Kudos
Sunday, June 29, 2008

Much sadness in Germany today...

We lost to Spain by 1 point! Did anyone else notice the reffs mental handicaps?
10:12 am - 2 comments - 0 Kudos
Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Germany is closer to taking Euro 08

Current mood: excited

Germany v. Poland 2-0 Win
Germany v. Croatia 1-2 Loss
Germany v. Portugal 3-2 Win (Semifinal Qualifier)
Germany v. Turkey 3-2 Win (Semifinals)


10:04 am - 0 comments - 0 Kudos
Saturday, June 21, 2008

Germany is taking Euro '08

Current mood: giddy

Everyone! Everyone! Quiet Down, I have an announcement to make... GERMANY IS TAKING EURO '08!!!! We already destroyed Portugal, arguably the best team in the tournament, but not any more, we're #1 now! Germany fans break out your Stahlhelms and your biersteins and sit back and enjoy the Blitzkrieg!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! !!!!!!

1:55 pm - 2 comments - 2 Kudos
Wednesday, June 18, 2008

ABC

Current mood: awake

A - Availableam now
 
B - Best Friend
Tyler and Jeremy
C - Crush
 
none right now
D - Dad's Name
 
Vater
E - Easiest Person To Talk To
 
Jeremy)
F - Favorite Band
 
Rammstein!!!.
G - Gummy Bears Or Worms
 
neither
H - Hometown
 
dont have one
I - Instrument
 
guitar
J - Job
 
just applied at hyvee
K - Kids
 
gotta be good german names, Wilhelm, Helmut, Anton, Heidi
L - Longest Car Ride
 
16 hours!!!!!
M - Milk Flavor
 
chocolate
N - Number Of Siblings2 brothers
O - One Wish
 
 Live in Germany for rest of my life
P - Phobias
 
Heights!
Q - Favorite Quote                           "long live sacred germany" -Klaus von Staufenburg's last words
R - Reason To Smile:)
S - Song You 
Last Heard
 
Infected by Bad Religion
T - Time You Woke Up
 
7:45
U - Unknown Fact About Me
 
I'm awesome at football!
V - Vegetable
 
potatoes
W - Worst 
Habits
 
cracking my knuckles
X - X-Rays You've Had
 
ummm... one to see if my chin was broken (it wasnt)
Y - Your Favorite Food
 
Bacon and Brats
Z - Zodiac SignAquarius
3:05 pm - 0 comments - 0 Kudos
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