Dear Jonny I don't really know how to tell you this, but I'm in love with your sister. I think I realized it last year With George Bush and his wife and I saw you sit on my best friend.
I'm sure you're frostbitten enough to understand That I get turned on by garbage men.
I'm returning your ring to you, but I'll keep your collection of butterflies as a memory. You should also know that I Told my psychiatrist about your embarrasing rash.
Go and drown yourself, Tayer
Ps. I'm a dumbass
Here's what to do!:: Dear (the last person you talked to) I don't really know how to tell you this, but ___1___. I think I realized it ___2___ ___3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___.
I'm sure you're ___6___ enough to understand ___7___.
I'm returning ___8___ to you, but I'll keep ___9___ as a memory. You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___.
___ 12 ___, --Your name --
Ps. ___13___
1. What's the color of your shirt? Blue - Our romance is over Red - Our affair is over White - I'll join the monastery Black - I dislike you Green - Our horoscope doesn't match Grey - You're a pervert Yellow - I'm selling myself Pink - Your nostrils are insulting Brown - The mafia wants you No shirt - You're a loser Other - I'm inlove with your sister
2. Which is your birth month? January - That night February - Last year March - When your dwarf bit me April - When I tripped on sesame seeds May - First of May June - When you put cuffs on me July - When I threw up August - When I saw the shrunken head September - When we went skinny dipping October - When I quoted Santa November - When your dog ran amok December - When I changed tennis shoes
3. Which food do you prefer? Tacos - In your apartment Pizza - In your camping car Pasta - Outside of Chicago Hamburgers - Under the bus Salad - As you ate enchilada Chicken - In your closet Kebab - With Paris Hilton Fish - In women's clothing Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation Lasagna - At the mental hospital Hot dog - Under a state of trance Fries; With George Bush and his wife
4. What's the color of your socks? Yellow - Hit on Red - Insult Black - Ignore Blue - Knock out Purple - Pour syrup on White - Carve your initials into Grey - Pull the clothes off Brown - Put leeches on Orange - Castrate Pink - Pull the toupee off Barefoot - Sit on Other - Drive out
5. What's the color of your underwear? Black - My best friend White - My father Grey - Bill Clinton Brown - My fart balloon Purple - My mustard soufflé Red - Donald Duck Blue - My avocado plant Yellow - My penpal in Ghana Orange - My Kid Rock-collection Pink - Manchester United's goalkeeper None - My John F. Kennedy-statue Other - The crazy monk
6. What do you prefer to watch on TV? Scrubs; Man O.C.; Emotional One Tree Hill; Open Heroes; Frostbitten Lost; High House; Scarred Simpsons; Cowardly The news; Mongolic Idol; Masochistic Family Guy; Senile Top Model; Middle-class Annat; Ashamed Powerangers; Arabic
7. Your mood right now? Happy - How awful I've felt Sad - How boring you are Bored - That Santa doesn't exist Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage Depressed - That we're cousins Excited - That there is no solution to this. Nervous - The middle-east Worried - That your Honda sucks Apathetic - That I did a sex-change Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your hamster Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men Overjoyous - That I'm open Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks
8. What's the color of your walls in your bedroom? White - Your ring Yellow - Your love letters Red - Your Darth Vader-poster Black - Your tame stone Blue - The couch cushions Green - The pictures from LA Orange - Your false teeth Brown - Your contact book Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs Purple - Your old lottery coupons Pink - The cut toenails Other - Your memories from the military service
9. The first letter of your first name ? A/B - Your photo C/D - The oil stocks E/F - Your neighbour Martin G/H - My virginity I/J - The results of your blood-sample K/L - Your left ear M/N - Your suicide note O/P - My common sense Q/R - Your mom S/T - Your collection of butterflies U/V - Your criminal record W/X - David's tricot outfits Y/Z - Your grades from college
10. The last letter in your last name? A/B - Always will remember C/D - Never will forget E/F - Always wanted to break G/H - Always have felt dirty for I/J - Never openly mocked K/L - Will tell the authorities about M/N - Told in my confession today about O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about S/T - Get sick when I think of U/V - Always will try to forget W/X - Am better off without Y/Z - Never liked
11. What do you prefer to drink? Water- Our friendship Beer - Senility Soft drink - A new life as a clone Soda - The incarnation as an eskimo Milk - The apartment building Wine - Cocaine abuse Cider - A passionate interest for mice Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations Mineral water - Embarrassing rash Hot chocolate - Eggplant-fetishism Whisky - To ruin the second world war Other - To hate the Boston Celtics
12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation? Thailand - Warm regards USA - Best regards England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail Spain - With ease China - Disgusting regards Germany - Your everlasting enemy Japan - Go and milk a cow Greece - Go and drown yourself Australia - You suck Egypt - Buzz off now
13. How many letters does GEORGE have in it? (change the name to whoever you adress the letter to, and if your really thick you choose the wrong one even though george has 6) 6 - I'v always wanted to use your nipples for shooting practise 5 - I'm a dumbass 7 - My dick sticks out at a very funny angle whenever i wear spandex 4 - Despite all that i said in this crappy letter, your welcome round to my place anytime after 10 pm. 3 - Remeber that time i shoved a whole ghurkin up my ass? good times baby 1 - you must be african? 127361873618273617538 - SHOOT ME NOW! 8 - May i donate to you my prize selection of mosquito poo? 9 - your name is obcenely long. so is my dick 11 - would you mind very much buying me a new watermelon?
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