Tartan_nick

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Who gave a Kudo :

jimmeah (2)
Skruzz (1)

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Why? - My latest poem.

Current mood: tired

Views: 24
Comments: 4

The trees are bare, the glass glinting.
The roundabout spinning as if children there playin, but only hinting.

The sun has gone, the shadows bare.
No dogs no cats, no birds no hair.

All is gone but one to see, the emptiness left behind, me.

Clothes lay still, food untouched, the spoils gone to waste.
For all the wealth the pride the work the scene the world defaced.

Alone now left to wonder, why oh why oh me,
with past deeds done, through greed has all been taken.

Oh why oh why oh me.

5:02 pm - 4 comments - 3 Kudos - Report!

Comments

Tartan_nicka wrote on Dec 17th, 2007 3:26pm

DAMMIT! I spelt playing wrong! Stupid typo. Hm, whats this kudo thing do?

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Skruzz wrote on Jan 18th, 2008 3:11am

It wasn't bad, but your rhythm was off. How long have you been writing? Also, rather than separating your rhymes like that, make poems that go AABB or ABAB. I've been writing poetry for years, and I encourage you to continue. You show potential.

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awsomeguitarguy wrote on Jan 29th, 2008 9:00pm

make a song of this poem, or your other poetry

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awsomeguitarguy wrote on Jan 29th, 2008 9:01pm

yeah, like, choose one of your longer parts of that poem- make it the chorus and then make the rest verses, it would be awesome

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