I'd like to present to you my favorite music albums to be released in
the year 2010. I've gotta say, nothing extremely groundbreaking this
year, but there were a few gems to be found. As usual, all but one of
these are metal albums. That's what happens when last.fm recommends you
music based on what you already listen to, haha. Anyway, here are the
records that I enjoyed the most.
#5 - Mnemic: Sons of the System
Favorite Track - #2: Diesel Uterus
After
a fairly 'meh' previous album, Danish modern metal band Mnemic
(pronounced 'Nem-ick' by the members themselves) returns with a
surprisingly solid fourth record titled 'Sons of the System'. After the
departure of their phenomenal vocalist Michael Bogballe after the
release of their second album, Mnemic adopted ex-Scarve vocalist
Guillaume Bideau. Bideau's performance on their third album 'Passenger'
was very satisfying in the clean vocals department, but his
'puke-scream' harsh delivery bothered the absolute shit out of me. After
Passenger, I did not have super high hopes for the band's fourth album.
Thankfully, Bideau got vocal lessons or radioactive superpowers or
something, because his performance on Sons of the System is nearly
flawless. This record is a much easier and straightforward listen than
the former, and every song carries a killer hook and a catchy chorus.
Standout tracks are the oddly named single 'Diesel Uterus', 'Climbing
Toward Stars' with a throat-tearing chorus, and 'Hero(in)' with its
groovy start-stop riffing and beautiful melodies. My major complaint
with this album is the method of compression on the drums which makes
the cymbals pump in an extremely unnatural way. In addition, some tracks
seem a bit less inspired than others, with the verse jumping into the
chorus with no sort of fluid transition. These complaints shouldn't
deter one from giving this record a listen, however. Any fan of heavy
music should check this one out for sure.
#4 - Coheed and Cambria:Year of the Black Rainbow
Favorite Track - #2: The Broken
Anyone
who knows me probably expected this album to immediately jump to #1 on
my list. Coheed and Cambria is the group that really got me into music
as more than just a method of drowning out teachers' voices in class.
Year of the Black Rainbow isn't as personal for me as their last album,
as this one is a prequel to the entire Coheed and Cambria story. The
story behind this record is more of a love story than an action movie,
which is great in and of itself, but after experiencing the epic tale
unfold with the previous albums, to step backward in time and flesh out
the backstory of two characters who by the next album are *spoilers*
dead *spoilers*, seems pointless to me. But really, the quality of an
album should be judged based on the music mainly, and musically, I'm
very bi-polar about this record. On the good side, nearly every staple
of a Coheed record is here. Legendarily powerful opening track? Got it.
Badass, pulse-pounding rock track? Got it. Tear-jerking ballad?
Absolutely (for real, don't call me a puss till you listen to the
album). With all this, however, comes a bit of a shift in production
style which, while pristine and sonically flawless, places focus on
creating textures based on the subtle interplay between the two
guitarists and takes focus off of the monster riffs and genius playing
style of guitarists Sanchez and Stever. The skill is there, but it's not
at the forefront where, in my opinion, it should be. Instead the
listener is treated to a catchy and accessible swirling of sounds, which
is by no means unpleasant, but it's not Coheed and Cambria. The bottom
line is, to the die-hard Coheed fan, this record is solid, but not up to
par with their previous work. To any other listener, this is a
fantastic and extremely enjoyable listen, and my nerd rage should not
defer you from what could likely be your new favorite record.
#3 - Keep of Kalessin:Reptilian
Favorite Track - #7: The Divine Land
Here's
one that snuck up on me! Keep of Kalessin is a Norwegian band who is
classified as black metal, but is, in my opinion, much more polished and
melodically focused than the standard black metal band. I cannot
comment on their earlier work, as this is the first and only album I
have from them, but this album is chock full of tight guitar riffs that
would make any rock guitar nerd wee themselves (myself included...brb,
changing). The album has eight tracks, all of which are longer than most
songs, and all of which are about dragons. Fuck yeah. The guitarist
(only one) and the drummer are the main focus here. The drums are, by
any black metal band's standards, a brisk workout, but by any normal
artist's standards, batshit insane. In the second-to-last track (which
in my opinion should be the final track), drummer Vyl blastbeats for
nearly seven minutes straight under a massive and beautiful wall of
guitar work and choir vocals. I'm listening to it right now and I'm
losing my breath just thinking about it. Don't let the single, which is
strangely the worst and most lackluster song on the album, fool you. As
the title and theme indicates, this is one monster of an album.
#2 - Dagoba:Poseidon
Favorite Track - #7: Black Smokers (752 Fahrenheit)
I
became completely enamored with this band after their song "The Fall of
Men" came up in my last.fm station and I heard the singer's mandate "BE
FUCKED OR BE ROASTED!". This four-piece groove metal group hails from
the port town of Marseilles, France and is often referred to as "the
only good thing to come out of France" by esteemed Youtube user critics.
It's hard for me to point out a choice few songs from this band's
catalog as my favorites, as I am really just drawn to their overall
style. Headbangability is paramount with this album, and it does not
disappoint in that respect. This record is, from start to finish, a
neck-breaker. It is extremely battery-focused, as they have one of the
best drummers around behind the kit. This is the reason, I think, that
this album has the clickiest kick drum I've ever heard. Most people will
find it obnoxiously clicky, myself included, but it's not too difficult
to get used to, and it really is the driving force behind the album,
anyway. The theme of this album is of life at sea, pirates, storms,
and...I dunno...probably sea monsters and barnacles. Standout tracks
include the phenomenal opener Dead Lion Reef; Devil's Triangle, which is
a crushing song about having a devil's threesome (can anyone relate to
this?); the mid-album instrumental The Horn Cape, which consists almost
entirely of the same note (B); and the killer single Black Smokers. If
you are a metalhead and want a reason to swing your flowing locks from
side to side, this is the record for you.
#1 - Eluveitie:Everything Remains as it Never Was
Favorite Track - #2: Everything Remains as it Never Was
I
bet the first thing you're saying, if you're not already familiar with
the band, is "how the bloody hell do you pronounce that name? That's the
first thing I thought, at least. It's pronounced 'El-vay-tee-uh', and
it's Gaulish for 'I am Helvetian', which more or less refers to someone
who is from Switzerland. Are you sitting down for this next factoid? Get
ready...the band is from....Switzerland. Now you're wondering what the
purpose of all this historical crap is. It's relevant to the music, as
Eluveitie is a folk metal band, whose music and lyrics are thematically
based on ancient Gaulish folk stories and music. A sane person would
hear the phrase 'folk metal' and think that it sounds stupid, and that's
because most folk metal is very, very stupid. :P But Eluveitie is an
exception. Whereas most folk metal bands just play heavy metal drinking
songs, Eluveitie plays modern melodic metal while skillfully weaving in
melodies played on a variety of folk instruments, such as flutes, tin
whistles, bagpipes, fiddle, and the unfortunately named hurdy-gurdy
(it's legit). This record consists of 13 of some of the best metal songs
you'll ever hear, with the added uniqueness of swirling textures
provided by various folk instruments and melodies, which evoke a certain
ancient, tribal emotion. Of special note is the band's drummer (who for
added awesomeness possesses the birth name 'Merlin'), who is probably
one of the most talented and tasteful drummers I know of. He is able to
weave between thrashy metal passages and bounding folk phrases with a
precision and keen sense of groove that is unrivaled by most individuals
today. This entire record is a journey that is undeniably formulaic on
paper, yet it is never, ever gimmicky...and while it can even be said
that it is unoriginal, as it borrows from so many pioneers which came
before; at its core, this record is a dynamic, one of a kind experience,
whose execution is unique, fresh, and absolutely deserving of respect.
Thanks for reading! If you have actually read it, that is... I'm always open to suggestions. What was your favorite this year?
I feel the need to check in on myself via this entry. Musically, I've been completely stagnant for the past 5-or-so months. This is because I had finished school in July, moved out of my place at school and into my parents' house as I searched for a job. As some of you may know, I need solitude, space, and lots of time to create music, and being in the same house as my troubled mother and ill father made it anything but comfortable for me to create. Recently, however, I have found employment, and a place of my own. It's an apartment, so it's still going to be hard for me to find a way to hoot and holler without disturbing (and frightening) others, but I should manage. I'm waiting until after the holidays to begin recording, as I'll be acquiring some much needed software come Christmas.
This 'life update' has multiple purposes. Primarily, the focus of this entry is on support. I want to thank those who have supported me so far and let everyone know that it makes a huge difference for me, in hopes that this acknowledgment will foster further support in the future. If you look at the top, you'll see that I made this note out to friends, not fans. This is an important distinction to make, as friends are those who I know personally, and although my music is amateur at best, still pretend to care. Fans are those with no personal connection to the artist (me), but are connected to the music, rather than the person behind it. I am well aware that I have zero fans. But I have a few important friends, and they need to be thanked. These are the names that currently come to mind.
-Dean (Ankou): As far as I can tell, the only person who legitimately enjoys my music. Even if it's just the booze talking, thanks for being such a gent and having fun pretending to dig it. -Steph (entity0009): There's a reason we've tried to work together on more than one occasion. There's also a reason why these endeavors have failed, and it's my fault. I love keeping up with your music, and really hope you get a recording setup worthy of your talent in the near future. Hurry up and get famous so you can make it over to the states! -Sigi (hollow1928years): Man, without your help, my music would sound like complete shit, as opposed to passable shit. I trust your opinion first and foremost with anything involving recording and production. Thanks for giving me advice and listening to my music when I need help! -ChucklesMginty: I can't remember your real name . Thanks for setting up the metal album and giving me not one, but two spots on it! The metal album really motivated me to get my shit together and write my first original song ever. I think you might even like my music, haha! -Ryan (CoreysMonster): As a complete stranger, came to me and asked me to work with you on some songs. The first person to ever instill the notion in me that I might actually have a shred of talent, which is huge considering the fact that I have the self-esteem of a folding chair. Regardless of whether or not anything we work on together will ever see the light of day, it's been such a beneficial experience for me. You're extremely talented as a musician, and your music has a permanent spot in the ever-changing list of artists on my ipod. -Merlene (ilikepirates): Thanks for being the only person I talk to on a daily basis. Because of you, I only feel 99% alone, as opposed to 100% alone, which is a big deal. Thanks for keeping UG friendly. you, e-wife! -Valerie (FreakAddiction): Thanks for singing on my Coheed cover. You have a beautiful voice and I'd love to have it on a song of mine in the future, if I can just write something that can do justice to your talent. -Phil (Zaphikh): Possibly the greatest mind on UG, and definitely one of the nicest and most funny fellows I've met on here. You definitely have a unique talent, and every time I see you've uploaded a new tune on my friends widget thing, I rush to grab my headphones. Every listen is a totally new experience.
-DreamToJam: I don't know you, per say, but the fact that you trust me enough to ask for recording and music advice really speaks to me. Thanks for your confidence. -UGTC people: Grace, Chris, Sam, Annabel, Desiree, Justin, Jon, Jordan, and Buddy...thanks for keeping me company for the past year. Talking with you guys really kept me (relatively) sane. My 'real life' acquaintances don't give two shits about my music. Seriously. So thanks for being better friends than anyone 'real' has ever been to me.
-Lurkers: Anyone else who I don't talk to, but has bothered to listen to a song or two, even the stupid ones. Hope you liked what you heard!
Alrighty, now that all the e-Christmas cards have been taken care of, it's time to move on to the next objective of this blogotext. I'd like to describe my ideas for the future. This part is important for me just to do for myself, but it's also crucial that I get any input I can from anyone else who reads this. Seriously. You guys are the only ones I do this for, currently, so I'd like to make you happy if I can.
I currently have two original songs lined up. Both are fairly fleshed out and ready to go, instrumentally. No vocals yet. Much more work needs to be done still.
The first is...well, I'll be honest, it's almost a complete In Flames ripoff (Soundtrack to your Escape-era). I don't have any idea what I'm going to do with it, lyrically and vocally. I don't have any themes or ideas or even words ready for it, but I think as soon as it has vocals on it, it'll be ready to go. I don't like it much, to be honest. It's extremely meh, imo.
The other song I do like quite a bit more. It's a pure melodeath thrash-fest. I love the riffs in it, and the bridge has a killer groove. I've written most of the lyrics for it, and know where they're going to go and how they're going to sound in the context of the song. My concern with this song is that it is much more appealing to myself than it is to any listener. I love modern takes on classic melodeath (see Dimension Zero), but it really is a niche market in terms of other listeners. I don't think many people will like it, but I really enjoy playing it. If you know what I'm talking about, what would you like to hear?
I think that's all for now. Basically, I just wanted to give thanks for the support I have had, let you all know that I love you dearly, and kind of open my metaphorical door for any thoughts from friends. So far, I'm not truly satisfied with anything I've done. I know I can make music that people will really be able to enjoy, but as of now, I've got nothing that fits that description. I need your help to make it happen. When it does happen, if it does, you'll all be very happy, I promise.
Greetings, parasites! This might be a bit late, as it is already nearly
February, but it was on my mind recently (that's a lie, it's on my mind
all the time), so I figured I'd take a look back at all the records I
obtained in 2009, and give an overview of the ones that were, in my
opinion, the best. Compared to 2008, this year was MILES ahead in terms
of fantastic new releases, like some kind of morbid inverse of '08 and
'09's significant celebrity death ratios. Whereas last year I struggled
to even find five solid albums, this year I found it incredibly
difficult to narrow the list down to JUST five (hence why I sorta
cheated). Each album in this list is a perfect 10 out of 10, 5 stars,
etc. It's probably worth noting here and now at the beginning, however,
that I most certainly did not listen to every record released in 09. I
pretty much stick to my own 'comfort zone' in terms of genre, so I'll
preface this article right now by saying: the following works listed
are pretty much all metal albums. If you have a recommendation for me,
I'd be more than happy to give it a few listens, but for now, here are
the albums of 2009 which I thought were fantastic.
#5 - Devin Townsend: Ki / Addicted
Best Song- Ki, Track 2: Coast
- Addicted, Track 4: Supercrush
This
list starts off with a little double album action from modern musical
genius and, more personally, my biggest musical influence and hero,
Devin Townsend. These two albums, titled Ki and Addicted, respectfully, are records #1 and #2 in a four-album series, which is why they were both released this year; Ki in May, and Addicted
in November. Despite this, these are full albums and can stand just
fine on their own, and in fact, don't really seem at all related,
musically. The first record, Ki carries a calm, relaxing feel
due to the abundance of clean guitar and scarce, downplayed session
drumming from a 62 year old blues musician. Atmosphere is the name of
the game with this record, and Ki is as effective in this
regard in the silence between the notes as it is with the notes
themselves. This is my choice chill-out record, despite the fact that
it is brimming with tense emotion. Indeed there are very intense
build-ups in many of the songs, but just as you think the song is going
to explode into a massive passage, you are immediately let down. In
addition to spirituality and focus, this record is about restraint, and
the restraint exhibited in this album is both shocking and moving,
considering the music comes from the same mind which perfected the art
of truly massive music in addition to creating the most relentless,
punishing skull-crusher of an album ever made.
The second record in this shifty little two-parter, Addicted,
contains the loudness listeners have come to expect from Townsend, but
with a bit of a twist. Townsend himself stated that this was his 'pop'
record. Ten songs, average length, short and to the point, here's a
beat, here's some synth, here's a huge chorus...now fuck the drama in
life, let's dance! While all this is true, the record is a far cry from
anything you'd expect to hear in the Top 40, as it seamlessly blends
these catchy pop sensibilities with Devin's trademark "not right in the
head" style. For every catchy hook there is a scream, and for every
Euro-pop melody, there's a crushing wall of guitars. The addition of
angelic female vocalist Anneke van Giersbergen to counteract Townsend
is nothing but beneficial to the overall picture. My favorite moment is
Track #4, appropriately titled Supercrush, which is a break from the
dance-pop of the previous track. This song features the TASTEFULLY
auto-tuned vocals of Giersbergen (take notes, people) in the verses,
before exploding into an absolutely massive chorus, where Devin gives
one of the most powerful vocal performances I've ever experienced. This
record is an audio engineer's heaven, and you're doing an injustice to
music if you listen to it on youtube. There is so much subtle work
going on throughout the album, that the more intently (loudly) you
listen, the more you will enjoy it. Overall, the duality in this record
between uplifting and intense is perfectly merged into something that
is ultimately beautiful. This is one to crank up, folks. It's worth
every decibel of hearing loss.
#4 - Disarmonia Mundi: The Isolation Game
Best Song- Track 6: The Isolation Game
Disarmonia
Mundi. "World Chaos" in latin. I've been a huge fan of this Italian
melodic metal band for a few years, now. The word 'band' though, feels
wrong when addressing these guys. Two guys, to be specific. One of
which, Ettore Rigotti, writes and plays ALL of the music. I consider DM
to be 100% his project and his music. The other half of the band,
Claudio Ravinale, jumped aboard two albums into Ettore's career,
bringing to the music lyrics and half of the vocals. His presence is
felt much stronger on this record than past efforts. Claudio delivers
almost all of the screams on The Isolation Game, alternating in
every song between a very solid, run-of-the-mill metal scream to a high
pitched, gothic, banshee shriek. He is, however, far from the primary
focus of the music. Rather, Ettore shines yet again on this record as a
master of brutality without losing his sense of groove. The 'groove' is
something I find infinitely enjoyable in the metal genre, yet is at the
same time constantly lost in the sea of bands trying to 'out-brutalize'
the rest. Let it be clear that this record is definitely not without
its share of blast beats and double kick insanity. In fact, these and
similar thrashy aspects are abundant here, but at the same time, there
is a huge focus placed on maintaining a backbeat and being able to just
bang your head without breaking your neck from extreme BPM. It's
something that's hard to explain and really has to be heard. In
ADDITION to this, the music never loses it's melody. Ettore tends to
hide guitar leads very, very far back in the mix, with chugging rhythm
tracks brought to the front. This adds to a very unique and EFFECTIVE
kind of melodic texture. It's amazing how every track will both crush
your bones and put a smile on your face at the same time. For sheer
brutality, check out the track "Stepchild of Laceration", which
contains a sheer speed-fest for a chorus. For straightforward
headbanging with an epic chorus delivered by Soilwork vocalist Bjorn
Strid, give the song "The Isolation Game" a listen. Overall, if you
want to rage yourself to exhaustion and still have a great melody to
sing along to when you're passed out on the floor, this is the album
for you.
#3 - Amorphis: Skyforger
Best Song- Track 1: Sampo
Here's
where it gets REALLY tough to choose a #1 for the year. I mean, REALLY
tough. Amorphis' newest record had been 'spinning' on my iPod for many,
many months after it was released (early February), and I still listen
to it at least once every two weeks or so. This record (along with
Amorphis' previous masterpiece Silent Waters) just OOZE quality songwriting. Though Skyforger
is technically a metal album, it's far from fast, and far from angry.
Most growling is saved for the bridge of each song, if it appears at
all, which I actually enjoy. When vocalist Tomi Joutsen employs a death
growl, YOU PAY ATTENTION. Otherwise, Joutsen sings in a very pleasing
baritone. Most lyrics are delivered with subtle inflection during the
verses and extremely powerful belting during the choruses (often vice
versa). Aside from the vocals, the entire record moves along at a
steady mid-tempo pace, and EVERY song has a melodic hook which will
draw you in instantly. The melodies created on this record are deep,
moving, and beautiful, and are usually carried by the lead guitar or
the piano. If you want to know what I'm talking about in terms of the
hooks in this record, listen to the first few bars of the song "Sky is
Mine". I guarantee you'll be listening to the rest of the song after
hearing that, and you should! Every song on this record works
cohesively and each plays an important part in the whole picture. This
album is the sonic equivalent of a sequence of Monet paintings. Every
piece is huge and driving, yet never intimidating or 'angry', which
most lay-listeners would use to describe any metal work. There is a
world of difference between ANGRY and POWERFUL, and this record is 100%
the latter. Skyforger is barely a metal album, and I highly
recommend it to anyone who would be interested in truly epic, powerful
music. Oh, and the record's closer is mind-blowing.
#2 - Mastodon: Crack the Skye
Best Song- Track 7: The Last Baron
This
one should come as no surprise to anyone who has heard it, really.
Mastodon's newest record received almost unanimously 5-star reviews
upon its release in March. It's a bit of a stylistic shift from
previous works by the band, but no less enjoyable. There's a bit of
backstory regarding the members of the band that led to the music on
this album, I'll try to put it as short as I can. Basically, guitarist
and vocalist Brent Hinds was punched in the back of the head by a man
and landed face first on the concrete of the Vegas Strip. He was dead
for a while, but eventually he woke up, only with the injury came a bit
of a mental irregularity which led to numerous episodes of vertigo
and...'carving a wooden idol out of a log which faces magnetic north
but only being able to work on it during certain hours of the day'
syndrome. Despite these oddities, the other band members noted a huge
stylistic advance in Hinds' guitar playing, writing and overall musical
approach. This, combined with drummer Brann Dailor's increasing
emotions over his sister Skye's suicide in 1990, is what led to this
extremely dark and melancholic, but masterful and one-of-a-kind work.
Lyrically, the album's concept has to do with a paralyzed man who
astrally projects his spirit into space, travels back in time,
possesses the body of Rasputin in czarist Russia, gets killed, and
meets up with a bunch of other spirits which try to help him get back
to his original body. The music on the album reflects the lyrical
themes. The music is very ethereal, spacey, and dark. It is also, I am
suddenly learning, VERY difficult to describe. Imagine a band made up
of an impossibly skilled jazzy drummer, a bluegrass / country
guitarist, an ACTUAL mastodon, and the god of beards. Ugh...this is
hard...you really need to listen to the record to realize what a work
of art it is. People who are predominantly turned on by vocal-based
music will NOT understand it. I'm sorry, you just won't. Other
listeners will still have to give it at least three full listens
through to get it, but once you get it...man it's really something
else. There is a LOT going on in every bar. Thematically, artistically,
and sonically this album says something very profound. What it is
saying is up to the listener, but just listen to any of the guitar
solos on this record and you'll be treated to a very emotionally heavy
experience which you won't easily understand, but is just as difficult
to forget.
#1 - Dredg: The Pariah, The Parrot, The Delusion
Believe
it or not, #1 is NOT a metal album! Not surprising, though, for anyone
who knows just how much I LOVE this band. Hmm...how to describe Dredg.
Post-Indie-Art-Rock-Progressive-Alternative-Experimental?
That's the best I can come up with. Conceptually this record is
explained as "a letter to the seven billionth citizen", meaning it is
meant as a message to one, or really any, newborn life as a kind of
"introduction to life as a human on Earth". It's kind of philosophical
in a positive way. Musically, this band is made up of only FOUR
members, one of which is one of my favorite guitarists, another, one of
my favorite singers, and a third, by far my favorite drummer of all
time. Aside from having a fantastically tasteful and enjoyable drumming
style, the guy plays the piano. And the drums. At the same time. With
this record, Dredg absolutely surpassed my already ludicrously high
expectations. The production on this record is FLAWLESS, and they
recorded it all on their own, in their own studio, more or less on
their own dime. These four guys are musicians in every sense of the
word, four guys who really understand the ins and outs of emotional
expression through sound. Each note is perfectly placed, and every word
delivered with precision. With this record, not only are we treated to
a fantastic length of music, but we are witness to a wonderful journey.
This record MUST be listened to front to back. When you literally FEEL
every chord change, you'll agree. These guys busted their asses working
on this record, and it really shows. Every layer is pristine, clear,
and very well defined. The sound is catchy and poppy for sure, but it's
also artistically integral and above all else, infinitely beautiful.
The melodies in this record wash across the listener like a breeze in
summer, refreshing and uplifting. I really hope everyone has a band or
artist or such whom they experience a similar feeling with when
listening to their music. It really is fantastic.
Thanks for reading, if you made it this far!
-Matt
Inspired by a thread paintITblack39 made in the Pit today in addition to the fact that I just got done watching the newest Futurama movie. I was going to respond in the thread, but my response was so long, I decided to turn it into a blog.
Here's some technology that I have always seen in movies and TV that I'd really like to see become a reality. Note: I'm ignoring the ethical and moral implications of these inventions for the sake of interest.
-Gadgets that attach to your lower arm, wristband type things, that do everything for you. Wallet, phone, camera, music, video, conference calls, GPS, news, internet...all on your arm. I know modern phones are trying to do this 'everything in one' device, but none have done it perfectly (no, not even the iPhone), and I'd like to see that. The wrist attachment part is just for a bit of a 'badass' touch.
-Teleportation. To be honest, I'd probably be afraid to try it myself, but I think the epitome of human scientific achievement would be standardized teleportation. There are so many ways teleportation could be used as an advantage to everyday life. It would change everything. There is also an equal amount of ways that it could be used for EVIIIIIL, though. It's probably the second most dangerous technological advancement next to time travel, though...which I'm pretty sure is impossible. So most dangerous.
-Fully functional HUDs. Like in Iron Man. In helmets or cars or better yet, in sunglasses. I think this would easily become my favorite. Think about it. Somehow this could plug into a database (probably through your badass wrist apparatus), and access info on every person you see, and display this info right in the air next to them. Like 3D Facebook, basically...only it wouldn't actually be floating in the air, but it would appear so through your sick shades. On the side you'd have gauges displaying the status of different body functions, like blood pressure, temperature, mood or what not...pretty much like a health bar (can you tell i play a lot of video games yet?). Oh man, I could go on and on about the possibilities...weather alerts, GPS directions and maps, danger indicators...fuck yeah.
-Come to think of it...Iron Man suits.
-Robots are a given, I think. Of course, I'm thinking of a world like in Futurama, where robots just become a race of people. I'd want my own robot best friend, like Bender.
-I'd like a sexy female voice to speak to me about stuff whenever I'm in my house. I could just be hanging out watching TV, and I could say, "Computer, how's the weather looking today?" and a breathy female voice would reply, "Currently, it is 66 degrees outside, with a high of 73 later in the afternoon, and a 25% chance of showers, Mr. Bard". And when I get into my car to go somewhere, she is there too, giving me voice directions. I know GPS devices have these voice functions, but I mean, the voice computer of the future complements me on my wardrobe, no matter how poorly matched my shirt and pants are. The future is wonderful.
-And of course, to conclude, this is one I've wanted for the longest time: Lightsabers. Methinks I need not say more, friends.
So leave a comment and let me know what you guys think, as well. I know there's a lot I overlooked, but I'm leaving it up to you to fill in the blanks.
Here's my philosophy on washing your hands after peeing (for guys, I don't know exactly how it works for girls, nor do I want to know). Here's the deal. I wake up in the morning and hop right in the shower, wash my ding dong, then put on a clean pair of underwear. Now from then until 24 hours later when I wake up and do the exact same thing, my ding dong never leaves my underpants.
My HANDS, on the other hand (pun, ha!), touch EVERYTHING. Computer, dog, pencil, crusty guitar strings, boogers...everything. By the time I enter the restroom, my hands are absolutely filthy. So if we've established that when I go pee, my hands are dirty, my wiener is squeaky clean, and I don't touch anything but my wiener...why then, should I wash my hands after I go pee?
That's right, I wash my hands BEFORE I pee. I clean all the dirt and crap off my dirty ass hands before I touch my pristine pen0r. As long as I don't pee all over my hands, which I generally don't do, I have no reason to wash my hands after I urinate. I don't touch the seat, as I have my own restroom which I do not share at home, so the seat is always up. When I'm in a public bathroom, I just don't flush the toilet. It's simple. You can all thank me for the pro advice. I know you will all be washing your hands after you pee from now on.
I just did a super profile update. Added a background image and a bunch of gear with pictures. Also, I added this blog. So, for anyone brave enough to read this, I have added a quiz for you, for me to know you better. Because I love all of you tiny little goofballs!
1. Name: 2. Favorite Color: 3. Favorite Band: 4. Favorite Song: 5. Guitar: 6. Guitar's name: 7. Great-grandpa's name: 8. Favorite kind of cheese: 9. Where you most want to visit / live: 10. Celebrity crush: 11. Kind of shampoo you use: 12. Favorite movie: 13. On a scale of 1-10, how spoony are you? 14. Greatest fear: 15. Best show you've been to: 16. Soulmate: 17. Your mission: 18. Do you find mullets sexy? 19. Bros or hos? 20. Who ARE you really?
(Note: This was imported from my Facebook. I wrote it in 2008. Since then I've discovered better albums from that year. I'd replace #4 with Cynic's "Traced in Air", for starters.)
2008
was a pretty abysmal year for music, as I've been mostly listening to
albums released pre-2005 throughout the year, but I've tried to
scrounge up five good albums that were released this year. Here's what
I found. Suggestions are always appreciated. (Side Note: If you're
thinking to yourself, "Hey, ________ was a great album! Why didn't he
mention it?", chances are I didn't listen to it. Sorry!)
#5 - Bullet for my Valentine: Scream, Aim, Fire
Best Song- Track 9: End of Days
At #5 is Bullet for my Valentine's second album, Scream Aim Fire,
which was released in January. While not as satisfying as their debut,
this album had enough solid songs and killer riffs to be thoroughly
enjoyable. When you overlook a few cheesy ballads, some 'wtf?' lyrics,
and a final track that never seems to end, Scream Aim Fire is
a killer metalcore album. Bullet is one of the few modern bands who I
feel deserve their overwhelming commercial success, even if 90% of
their fans are budding British middle school scenesters.
#4 - Haste the Day: Dreamer
Best Song- Track 1: 68
I discovered Haste the Day over Summer of 2007, and they quickly became
a favorite of mine with the catchy riffage, amazing vocal harmonies,
and ability to include a good, kick-to-the-ass breakdown out of
seemingly nowhere. All this, and they never seemed to fall into the
endless black hole of cookie-cutter "gratuitous breakdown" hardcore
bands. Needless to say, I was extremely excited for Dreamer.
Was I disappointed? Yes and no. The album is great, don't get me wrong,
but it suffers from a syndrome which is all too common nowadays,
brevity. Let's do some math here. The album contains a total of 11
tracks. Subtract the last track, which is a beautiful one-take acoustic
song, but it is a re-recording. Now subtract Track 9, a spacey ambient
track which, in my opinion, is a complete waste of time. Now subtract
Track 5, which is a solid but failed attempt at 'changing it up a bit'
that just ends up slowing the record's pace to a crawl. We are left
with 8 tracks...8 wonderful in-your-face, headbanging, melodic tracks
that are to be expected of Haste the Day. These tracks, especially the
first three, are where this record shines. This album could have made
it higher on my list if it did not suffer from its unfortunate
shortness. That, and the fact that the signature vocal harmonies found
in their previous album, Pressure the Hinges, are nowhere to be found. But that's a story too tragic to tell.
#3 - Story of the Year: The Black Swan
Best Song- Track 2: Wake Up
I've
always said "You haven't lived until you've seen one of Story of the
Year's headlining shows". What? I haven't said that to you? Well, I'm
saying it now, because I still believe it. With The Black Swan,
Story of the Year continues their streak of awesome modern rock
badassery. When I picked up this record, there was no doubt in my mind
that it would not disappoint, and I was right. The only downside to
this record is that it does come off as a very formulaic, standard,
ABABCB structured record. But this is the kind of stuff I used to love,
and this record brought me back to those good ol' times before all the
guitarists dropped tunings, and the drummers needed racks because their
kits started to resemble a college drumline battery's instrument
closet. Story of the Year is about fun, no BS (punk) rock, and this
album delivers all the way through. With each song, I can just imagine
the energy causing the entire crowd to jump up and down with the beat
as the guitarists do backflips off the amps and toss their beautiful
$3000+ Paul Reed Smith's between each other without a care because
dammit this is rock n' roll and there's a guy in a gorilla suit on
stage because we just don't give a f***! Man, I need to see them
again...
#2 - 36 Crazyfists: The Tide and Its Takers
Best Song- Track 1: The All Night Lights
36
Crazyfists holds a very special place in my (frozen/flaming) heart. At
one point, they were in my coveted Top 3 bands list. When I heard news
of this new album, I made the firm prediction that it would not beat
their 2004 masterpiece A Snow Capped Romance, but it would be better than their previous album, 2006's Rest Inside the Flames. I was mostly correct. In my opinion, it is on about the same level as Rest Inside the Flames,
enjoyable, but not as good as it could be. Tracks like The All Night
Lights and Absent are the Saints carry the signature 36 Crazyfists
sound, but lack that special punch...that beautiful sound heard on A Snow Capped Romance.
Brock's irreplaceable vocals are there, but the soaring melodies are
not. Steve's distinctive tone and heaviness are there, but his
impeccable riff writing is not. Thomas' unique and powerful drumming is
there, but the franticness is not. On this album, it seems like the
band chose to shrug their shoulders and write deep, subtly meaningful
songs instead of the 'elbow-to-the-jaw followed by beautiful powerful
melody' type of songs found on their previous efforts. Nevertheless, 36
Crazyfists are still themselves, and as long as they continue to be
themselves, I will continue to enjoy their music.
#1 - Secret and Whisper: Great White Whale
Best Song- Too hard to choose...I mean it, I can't do it!
There was absolutely no contest in choosing which album would take the
#1 spot in my little list. I'll start with a story: waaaay back in,
oh...about September of 2006 I stumbled upon the myspace of a band
called Stutterfly. They had erased all of their songs from their
playlist, and instead, there were two demo versions of songs called
'Vanishings' and 'Attacker'. Each had only about 100 plays. I listened
to these songs, and was immediately hooked. Eventually another demo,
this one titled 'Spider Besider' was put onto the music player and news
of an album and a name change was released. Fast forward a few more
months, and the band has changed its name to Secret and Whisper (a name
I still think is EXTREMELY stupid considering how incredible their
music is) to signify that they are indeed a completely new band (even
though only one member had changed) with a completely new sound. For 1
year and 5 months I looped the hell out of these three demos, anxiously
awaiting new material from this almost completely obscure band and
praying that a label would pick them up and record their debut album.
Anyway, eventually that day arrived, February 12, 2008. I put the CD in
my computer, plugged in my headphones, and hit play. From the opening
track, which is a suspense-building intro complete with layer after
layer of vocals, synths and whale noises, to the very last track which
is a prog-ish story about...well...animals and s***, I was in utter
musical bliss. Okay, time to get objective. Secret and Whisper is your
standard emo-tastic post-hardcore band. This begs the question,
then...why are they so GOOD?! What sets them apart from their
contemporaries is that they have crafted their own sound and mastered
it so well, all on their first album as a band. Probably the most
unique aspect of their music is the vocals. The vocalist has an
outstanding voice for the genre, and his voice will either turn you off
completely or catch your ear instantly. Either way, the fact that they
layer and harmonize his (and possibly other peoples') voice(s) over and
over and over and over again in addition to the multi-layered synths
and delayed/reverb'd guitar leads which are so simple yet SO effective
give this album a haunting, captivating, and all-around beautiful sound
that makes Secret and Whisper stand out in a type of music that is
overwhelmed by mundane mediocrity. This band is one of the few new
bands that I myself really have confidence in, and that, if anything,
should give you a hint.
Honorable mention- Scar Symmetry:
Holographic Universe (I only really like two songs off this album, but
boy are they good songs...and this band has a killer sound. Check out
'Morphogenesis' and 'Ghost Prototype I'.)
Bands who DISAPPOINTED me this year (aka Wall of Shame)
All that Remains
Anberlin
In Flames
Rise Against
Albums to look forward to next year
Dredg: (TBA)
Thursday: Common Existence
Disarmonia Mundi: The Isolation Game
Soilwork: (TBA)
Monty Are I: TBA
If you've gotten this far, thanks for reading! I really appreciate it. Please leave a comment!
. Thanks for setting up the metal album and giving me not one, but two spots on it! The metal album really motivated me to get my shit together and write my first original song ever. I think you might even like my music, haha!
you, e-wife!
(Soundtrack to your Escape-era). I don't have any idea what I'm going to do with it, lyrically and vocally. I don't have any themes or ideas or even words ready for it, but I think as soon as it has vocals on it, it'll be ready to go. I don't like it much, to be honest. It's extremely meh, imo.
