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Saturday, August 25, 2007

I've Been Infiltrated!!!

Current mood: cynical

I'm away from the computer for a couple of days and come back to find that my profile has been utterly in shambles. Sabotaged, I tell you!
And the worst part is, the culprit in this monumental crime cannot be tracked or hunted in any way, even by the marvels of conventional computers. What has this hijacker done, you ask, that has made me such a wreck? Well, if the problem wasn't already glaringly obvious, I'll fill you in.
Someone has listened to the mp3s of my guitar skills, and given many of them incredibly low ratings! Hybrid picking a Beginner ++? Preposterous! My work on painstakingly reproducing the multiple-strings-apart harmony from "Five Magics" has oft led listeners to liken me to a guitar robot, or at least a human who had a horrific but life-changing sexual encounter with a guitar robot as a very young child. This is madness!
This is not my only gripe. Power chords a Beginner +?! That would perhaps hold true if I were playing ordinary, standard power chords, my friends. But no, the saboteur in question obviously did not realize the difficulty of the power chords I was playing, which were actually closer to super power chords than anything else. You've got the root, the fifth, AND the octave! Plus, when using the 4th string as my root note, adding the octave in said super power chord involves stretching my pinky monumentally farther than I would if it were a normal power chord. But if blind, ignorant flaming is all this spammer seems to care about, I shall now declare that I will be the bigger man here, and use any methods necessary to track down this renegade and sabotage his (or her) profile tenfold!
Come on, you cowardly sack of scum! Show yourself!!!
6:14 am - 4 comments - 0 Kudos
Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Sad Earth lyrics

Current mood: cynical

(Yeah, yeah, I'm just copying/pasting this opening paragraph into all of my lyric-related blogs; so what?)
I just realized that I have no lyrics on my page! So how are you, the innocent listeners, going to understand a damn thing I'm singing? Have no fear; the lyrics are here!
 

Sad Earth

The radio's better at night and I'll tell you why
They don't care who's listenin'
But I was listenin'
And I heard some interesting words
It was really late one night and I tell you
I should've been in bed
But had the radio on instead
And this is what I heard

[Chorus]
"Hello all you people of Earth
I am watchin' from a ship that lurks
A hundred miles above the deep blue sea
I mean you no harm
So if you see me don't be alarmed
Those pretty lights in the sky
They're just me"

I told mom and dad the very next day
And said they oughtta believe me
They didn't believe me
They said lyin' was a sin
I knew I was tellin' the truth
And I turned the radio on that night
And about midnight
Sure enough I heard it again

[Chorus]

[Guitar solo]

The next day I turn on the TV and what do I see?
The Army shot down a plane
No ordinary plane
It was a UFO
I turned the TV off right there
Because I knew who they shot down
They shot down the man
I heard on the radio

I said "I told you so" to my mom and dad
But the looked like they didn't even care
I don't think they cared
Just kept watchin' that old TV
I wondered why aliens would want to come here
They're better off leavin' us for dead
And what the man said
On the radio came back to me

[Chorus]

Those pretty lights in the sky
They're just me
Those pretty lights in the sky
They're just me

10:30 am - 1 comments - 2 Kudos
Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Math Ninja lyrics

Current mood: cynical

(Yeah, yeah, I'm just copying/pasting this opening paragraph into all of my lyric-related blogs; so what?)
I just realized that I have no lyrics on my page! So how are you, the innocent listeners, going to understand a damn thing I'm singing? Have no fear; the lyrics are here!
 

Math Ninja

Maaaaaath Ninja [x6]

Whenever there's a nerd in pain watch out for the
MATH NINJA
Whenever there's a teacher in strain watch out for the
MATH NINJA

Maaaaaath Ninja
He's gooooonnnnnna getcha
Don't try to hide BECAUSE YOU CAN'T

Maaaaaaath Ninja [x6]

Some bully's puttin' kids in trash cans here comes the
MATH NINJA
The professor's misusing tangent watch out it's the
MATH NINJA

Maaaaath Ninja
Thought you could get away didn't ya?
No more injustice in these hallways EVER AGAIN

Only fight bad guys for the good of science and math
Beat out their stupid real good or it might come back
Math Ninja preaches the lessons of the past
Arm thyself with knowledge and then you can kick some ass

A Trekkie cries out in fear, what's that? It's the
MATH NINJA
And Becky can't see the board clearly, hooray! It's the
MATH NINJA

Maaaaath Ninja
He's nooooo one's bitch
Wherever he need be HE IS

Maaaaath Ninja
He's gooooonnnnnna getcha
Don't try to hide BECAUSE YOU CAN'T

10:25 am - 0 comments - 0 Kudos
Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Business Man lyrics

Current mood: cynical

I just realized that I have no lyrics on my page! So how are you, the innocent listeners, going to understand a damn thing I'm singing? Have no fear; the lyrics are here!
 

Business Man

6 o' clock, I don't wanna get up
I don't care if I lose me my job
A business man knows he can't have him no life
Just some fancy cars, a house and a robot wife

I'm calling in sick again today
I didn't really wanna get paid anyway

Get up, get dressed, brush those teeth
Brew some coffee, read the paper, then leave
When I come home at night, tired to no end
I go to bed and get up and do it again

I don't think I can take it much longer
My body needs a break, correct me if I'm wrong

[CHORUS]
I'm no business man
I'm just part of a business clan
I'm gettin out while I still can
'Cause I'm no business man

I'm gettin out while I still can
I'm gettin out while I still can

I don't wanna wear no suit and tie
The same suit I'm gonna be in when I die
Don't wanna make me no business friends
Who follow all the hottest business trends
I don't wanna have no business boss
Who straightens up his crooked smile with the business floss
"Yes sir, no sir, whatever you say"
I'm hating this business more every day

[CHORUS X2]

10:25 am - 0 comments - 0 Kudos
Friday, August 17, 2007

To All Loving UGers

Current mood: contemplative

In light of these new UG profiles and their "completeness percentage" system, I have done nothing for the past few hours but stare in awe at my computer screen, utterly blown away that, after hours of relentless typing, clicking, and uploading, I'm only little over halfway finished in my quest for ultimate UG profile completeness.

This led me in turn to consider the validity of some members' profiles, and I hope you do as well. How can you genuinely believe that some random addition to anyone's profile is in fact legitimate, rather than some faux fact-free hunk of jargon thrown together in haste to more quickly (and unfairly) inch that member ever closer to that 100% mark? The bitter truth is this, my friends: you can't.

And thus reveals the double-edged sword that is the UG profile system. Yes, it is a glorious and groundbreaking event. Yes, it allows UG's members to interact more personally than ever. And yes, it more easily allows me to scan the site for pretty girls, so I can fancy myself with illustrious guitar-and-female-related fantasies that inevitably lead me to drift asleep weeping at 3 in the morning.

But we've also let in every internet site's greatest enemy; system abusers. Will UG become a flooded, chaotic mess of spam (well, MORE spam, anyway)? Will other members be frequently assaulted with annoying group invitations and band advertisements? Will potential pretty girls end up being creepy 40-year-old dudes in perverse incognito, attempting to thwart my only date-finding technique? Believe it or not, dear UGers, but the answer is (quite fortunately) no. If we all band together as a tight community and vow to only include relevant, accurate information in our profiles (*cough*and join the Wiki-Whores group today*cough*), then the UG of today will be the place for our future children shredders of tomorrow to visit, and cherish as we have these past few years.

Cheers to UG's new direction, and cheers to all who vow to preserve its timelessness.

3:50 pm - 10 comments - 7 Kudos