Seryaph

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Sunday, January 17, 2010

The Vow

Current mood: Humbled and Repentant

So much has changed in the time since I last posted on here.

My misplaced anger and rage led me to make the stupidest decision I have ever made in my entire life. I betrayed the trust of the one I love, and broke her heart (and that, Freezerburn, is why I do not return to the Relationship Thread, I am not worthy to grace it's prestigious halls). The events of the last summer led me to realize many things about myself and about the things I had been subconsciously denying for well over half of my life. Ever suffered from Cognitive Dissonance? Not any fun at all. I further realized that I had no idea who I was as my actions went against everything I thought I stood for and believed.

Indeed, I yet suffer from the consequences of my actions. However, when we hit rock bottom, we have no way to go but up. Now, it is as if a veil were lifted from my eyes and my demons were revealed to me. Not just the demons, but the wreckage that lay strewn about me as a result of the consequences of my actions.

I realized many things . . . my unresolved feelings towards my parents divorce, my denial of said feelings, my weakness and my propensity towards avoidance of important issues.

Given these issues, I have made a vow. As my word has been rendered meaningless by my actions, I must take steps to rebuild its validity. As the one I love has had to make sacrifices due to my actions and decisons, I am going to be sacrificing something of extreme importance to myself. At the same time, I do it not for her, but for myself, to better myself. Because a man is nothing without his word.

Therefore, I hereby vow to not touch a musical instrument for the next 6 months.

Music, and playing music has been an extremely important part of my life since I was 13. However, as my intense emotional experiences were perhaps too much to bear at such a tender age, I turned to music not as a release but as an escape and never really dealt with the problems that were confronting me.

Now, at the age of 23, these problems have come back to haunt my with a vengeance. They have impacted my playing, my ability to groove and to get into the zone. I must let go of music and bring love back into my life. Love is the most important thing in the Universe. Someone once told me that we should not try to share and give love, but rather we should be like a cup that overflows. Feel so much love, for yourself, for others, for the Universe, that you overflow with it and drench those around you. But perhaps this should be the topic of another blog and another time . . .

For now, I pray for redemption as forgiveness is often the hardest step.
1:06 am - 3 comments - 4 Kudos
Monday, January 26, 2009

The Time Draws Nigh

When my dream will finally come true. 

I am ordering a custom-built guitar designed to my specifications. Here is what I am getting:

A chambered (hollow body) Stratocaster style body made of Swamp Ash with a flat Ash top, a left-handed Gotoh Wilkinson tremolo Bridge (to get the whammy bar on top of the strings) with a recessed rout, a graphite nut, and a contoured heel and an S-S-H pickup rout. To top the body off I will have it finished with a transparent Burst finish, either Tobacco Burst or Black-Brown-Red. 

The neck will be a masterpiece. The neck back will be made of Goncalo Alves wood with a fingerboard made of Pau Ferro. The nut width will most likely be 1-11/16th (although I am still kind of considering a 1-5/8th nut width). The contour of the neck will be either a custom made SRV-style contour (0.835" at the 1st fret, 0.970" at the 12th) which is asymmetric, or a "Wolfgang" contour (0.815" at the 1st fret, 0.940 at the 12th) with a much more subtle asymmetry. The neck will have a compounded radius of 10" at the 1st fret and of 16" at the 12th fret. I am still debating whether I want 22 or 24 frets. I will most likely get jumbo frets, though I have not yet closed off the possibility of Medium Jumbo frets.

The pickups will almost certainly be a balanced set of hand-wound Rumpelstiltskin pickups. The neck pickup will be from Aaron's Gypsy set (made to model Jimi Hendrix's Band of Gypsys tone) while the middle and bridge pickups will be from the Experience set (made to model Hendrix's Experience Olympic White Strat). I will ask for the bridge pickup to be overwound and possibly scatterwound to increase output and get a very robust tone. 

Basically, Jimi's Experience Strat will have wild, monkey sex with his Gypsy strat. Their beautiful baby will then grow into a wild, handsome, young guitar who will seduce and make mad, passionate, musical love to Stevie Ray's Number 1. The offspring of that match will be MINE. I have not, as of yet, decided on a name. 

In the next 2 or 3 months I should have enough money to order everything I need (PM if you are interested in donating money towards this charitable and most beautiful cause). Give a month or two after that to get neck, body and pickups built (plus all of the required hardware) and shipped to me. Perhaps another month to get everything put together and set up just the way I want it. Once that occurs, or before if there is enough demand to see the neck and body and all of that before it is put together or set up, there will be pictures posted.
4:53 am - 0 comments - 0 Kudos
Sunday, October 12, 2008

On Thought

Current mood: thoughtful

Ever have one of those semesters at school where everything you thought you knew is questioned and begins to change? 

Well, that is essentially happening to me. I am diving into the world of cognitive neurosciene and it is just wild. Our brain . . . is simply amazing. Anyway, the one problem with all of this is that these changes are happening so fast and at such a deep level that it is almost overwhelming. 

Anyway, today I went to the "Quad" at my Uni which is right next to the river. It was such a beautiful day that I took my book and just laid down on the grass in the sunshine and hung out for the better part of the afternoon. 

After having read a while, I put my book down and tried some meditation. I wrote down my experiences. 

" There seems to be a lack of smell here; if I close my eyes, the sound of the passing cars sounds extremely similar to waves crashing on a beach. The wind gently carrasses my skin, kissing away the warm touch of the sun. There is not a cloud in the sky which is of an intense azure blue. I can see the sunlight reflecting off of hundreds of thousands of blades of grass, each swaying in it's individual dance as the wind rushes through, and yet, each remains connected to the whole. And underneath it all, always present, lies the moist, firm support of earth, gently holding everything up, impregnating those who are willing and receptive with it's energy.

All matter is just a representation of energy. Therefore, all energy affects all matter as matter and energy are basically different physical manifestations of the same thing. Our thoughts, ideas and intentions are electrical signals shot from neuron to neuron within our brain. In essence, our thoughts are another form of energy. 
Therefore, our thoughts, ideas and intentions affect all of the matter around us."

As a side note, for those of you who may care, I have begun to study ethics beginning with Socrates. The Father of ethics claimed that he who does not know himself is incapable of behaving ethically because he can not know the relative definitions of "good", "just" and "virtuous" when applied to himself and therefore cannot act upon them. Indeed, Socrates claims that he who does not know himself is doomed to an unhappy and miserable existance.

The writings of Shakespeare have been having a similar affect on me. Sonnet 73 and 116 specifically. I do not understand how the words that these men spoke or wrote hundreds of years ago can span the Eons to rock some kids world.
8:27 am - 4 comments - 3 Kudos