I think that the majority of people are subconciously addicted/in love with drama. I can't tell you how many people I know with the words "I hate drama" (or some variation of that) on their MySpace, when in fact they drown themselves in it. Every day, they'll bitch about such-and-such event, or "who said what." Confession: guess who's done that shit before?
"My friends and family are my life. Fuck with them, and you'll be fucking with me."
See? Right there, another example of the way I used to be. That was before I came to realize, not that long ago actually (like...before this summer), that they're just asking for it. It's not being defensive. It's a subconcious need to experience drama. It's entertainment.
So then why in the fuck am I able to let my life be so bland? Why do I enjoy that? Why so supposedly am I so different that don't I feel the need to experience drama anymore?
A comparison, my friend "Karen."
She's addicted to materialism. Consume, consume, consume. Her biggest wish is to own a 60 inch LCD-screen TV with a huge bag of marijuana on the coffee table. She doesn't do drugs to experience spirituality, or transcend, or become enlightened. She does them to escape reality, to do something. She's bored with life, and can't seem to find the joy in normal living. Her parents want her to get into Web Design or some such career (which she happens to be good at), but she doesn't want that because she knows she'll get bored. She can't figure out a way to enjoy normal life. She fucking told me straight up that she thought about becoming a stripper so she can make easy money to buy everything she wants. To her, money, drugs, sex, and personal possesions are the embodiment of true happiness, and it makes me so fucking sad to see that.
I wouldn't say I'm an ANTI-materialist, but I do fall on the other side of the line. I try not to consume. I buy what I need, and on the occasion that I do get sucked into materialism, it's just a splurge. My biggest wish is to live a successful life being a musician, perhaps with a life-long partner or friend. I do certain non-addictive drugs every now and then to transcend and become enlightened, to think about things. No, not that stuff you buy off the streets that everyone knows. Tried that for a while before, I'm not going the fuck back there. I find joy in both simple and complex things. I enjoy nature, and just the natural beauty of things. I like to experience life in all its glory. A lot of kids' parents want them to become the typical American-Capitalist consumers, with a 9-to-5 job, a nice house, wife/husband, kids, etc. I don't want that, because I can't have it. My mind has gone beyond all of those things, and even if I tried, I could not EVER do any of that. I want to embrace the things I'm truly good at, and they are: music, the fine arts, technology, and on occasion philosophy. Why am I the only person I know who's like this? No, I shouldn't say it like that...why am I one of the VERY few people I know who's like this? My family and some of my friends accept it. So why can't other friends and acquaintances accept, or even acknowledge it without trying to induce some sort of change in me? Are they trying to ignore it? Is it so damn hard to believe that I'm just in a different mindset? Drives me up the fucking wall.
I am untidy and unkempt. I hate what money can do to people, root of all evil. I despise capitalism, consumerism, government (when run in a fucked-six-ways-to-Sunday fashion.) I avoid trends and fads. I wear wrinkled clothing a lot of the time. My hair is wacky and looks dirty (I promise you, it's always clean). I accept people's judgements of my appearence as ignorance, because they don't acknowledge my character. My wardrobe is made up of t-shirts (a lot with retarded sayings that make passersby go "derrrrr *reads shirt OUT FUCKING LOUD* omg datz funny lolol hay guyz!), cargo shorts, some pants, some dress shirts, and a suit and tux (for orchestra). I don't mind messes, and my room is an example of that (As Peter Gibbons once said: "It's not that I'm lazy . . . it's that I just don't care.") I don't care about religion, and you can refer to that in my previous blog.