I had an awful day yesterday. For a Monday, it was bad - if it were to happen on a Friday, it would have been awful. But I'm going to skip the first 99% of my day and get past all that annoying stuff that I can guarantee nobody cares about but me. And now I'm going to talk about the final part of my day, the part of my day where I got so angry I would have killed the girl I was talking to were it not on MSN.
This girl, supposedly my friend, was talking to me on MSN, and since we both dislike talking to each other on MSN (because we would much rather see each other face to face), we ask each other questions. And I was like "Do you know what I want?" She said to me "A girlfriend?"
I replied, "No, I want to be famous. Just so I finally get some respect. For once. That'd be nice."
And she said "How do you plan on doing that? By playing guitar?"
"Yes," I replied.
"Ok there."
My blood started to boil already. We've had this kind of conversation before, but I was already in a bad mood. This was not the time for her to be saying this to me. "You don't think I can do it?" I asked. She replied that "No, I don't."
I snapped at her! "You're just like everybody else! You know why? Because everybody else says I can't do it too. Because they said regular people can't do this. They say people can't do this; it's hard. You know what? I'M NOT A FREAKING REGULAR PERSON!"
And she says "You're not?"
I know her well enough to know that's supposed to be insulting.
I was so angry right now that I was beyond saving. "No, I'm not. This is what I've wanted to do since I was two. This has always been, deep down, what I've wanted to do. Everything else that's happened in my life, everything, serves to prepare me for this. Everything points towards this. This is what I'm meant to do. I'm meant to play music. It's all I know how to do with any degree of certainty. And apparently I'm good at it."
"Says who?" That comment stung. It stung because she's heard me play. She doesn't like it when I play. My music is "noise" because it doesn't sound like her favourite guitarist - Brian May from Queen - because Brian May is not a guitarist I particularly like. I dislike his style. Why emulate it?
"There are a lot of people who say I'm really good. For starters, just about everybody who's heard me play. I'll mention needing to learn something to a friend and he or she will be shocked and say something to the effect of 'I thought you already knew how to play EVERYTHING.' My guitar teacher tells me that I have the potential to become the best guitarist on the planet." This was my way of telling her to shut up and leave me alone and that I didn't want to talk to her. Although it was very subtle.
Her response? Get this: "As long as Brian May's alive, you'll never be the best guitarist."
I got sooooooo angry. "You know what?" I said. If she was face-to-face with me, I would have screamed. "Thirty years from now, I'll remember you said that! You remember you said that! I'll be better than Brian May! You know what you just did? You dared me to be better than him! And I don't lose dares! So you remember what you said, and thirty years from now, when I'm rocking places all over the world, being hailed by everybody as the Jimi Hendrix of heavy metal, you come back and talk to me again!"
Then I went to bed.
Honestly, you don't tell me what I can and cannot do. I will do what I supposedly cannot do, just to slap you in the face. I am so sick and tired of being told that I can't be famous because becoming famous is "hard to do". I am sick and tired of people telling me nobody's interested in what I have to say. I am sick and tired of people being losers and jerks and telling me what they think of me before they even see me play guitar. Like one kid who said "I bet your guitar case has a sandwich in it." You know what I bet? I bet if you weren't standing across the street from me when you yelled that, my guitar's headstock would have been rammed down your throat, you freaking immature little son-of-a-bitch PIG.
(Disclaimer:
For legal purposes, I shoudl probably say that this is not a message to the
people who read this blog and comment on it. This is not a message to
anybody on this site).
I HATE YOU. EVERY ONE OF YOU. EVERYBODY WHO EVER TOLD ME I CAN'T. YOU'RE ALL DEAD TO ME. DON'T EVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN. I HATE YOU MORE THAN I HATE ANYTHING ON THE PLANET - MORE THAN POLITICIANS AND SCHOOL SYSTEMS, MORE THAN TYRANTS, MORE THAN MY JACKASS SCIENCE TEACHER FROM GRADE NINE. YOU ARE RATS. YOU ARE WHORES. YOU ARE FAGGOTS. YOU SHOULD ALL DIE. AND I HOPE SOME OF YOU DO DIE. GO TO HELL!
And that is the angriest any of you will ever probably see me in this blog. I HATE THEM. BURN, YOU ASENINE JERKS! People don't understand how determined I am to make this happen. People don't understand me. They can't. Nobody can understand how my mind works because it's not normal. It's more obsessive than anything people will ever see. It's more determined to dominate than Sadaam Hussein. I will be better than everybody else. I will grab you by your legs, pick you up, and smash your skull into the ground. And you can't make me slow down. Come talk to me in thirty years, when I'm a celebrity musician and you're in an office signing papers for your pompous boss and working for a garbage company. But don't expect me to loan you money.
hi....
um i really don't think ur stuff is that amazing, sorry to say....but the girl has a point i mean i am a girl too and honestly its hard to be the best, and brian may is amazing!!! so yeah i am sorry but i really don't like ur stuff and yeah i don't honestly think its gunna be that easy for yeah to become better then brian may....or famous its tough to do!!! well yeah i had to say it sorry but ur not that great...
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