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Sunday, April 06, 2008

How Low?

Current mood: contemplative

The world is the strangest place.  It's really kind of funny.  And sad too.  Some of the stuff we all laugh at is stuff we do ourselves.  Take for example, celebrities.  We watch the tabloids and we celebrate every time one of them slips and falls.  It's ridiculous because if we were watched by poparazzi 24/7 then we would all realize that we're the same as the celebrities are - we keep sinking lower and lower until we're jumping on chairs during our interview on Oprah (Tom Cruise, for those of you who don't get the reference).

Really, though.  Think about this: how many people do you know that are drug addicts or alcoholics or, frig, maybe even both?  Maybe you're like that, I don't know.  The point is, all of us know that Tom Cruise.  He was the class clown in high school.  We all know that Avril Lavigne.  She was the slut in college.  So really, we're not all perfect and we should stop acting like we are.

Does anybody even understand why celebrities are the way they are?  Does anybody understand why people do the crazy things they do?  I can tell you: we do what we do to find fulfillment.  It's the pursuit of happiness, one of your three all-important American liberties that a lot of Conversative Christians hold as dear to them as the Ten Commandments.  People have this hole in them that they need to fill up, so they go looking for any way possible - sex, drugs, alcohol - to fill that whole and then they wonder why they still feel so empty this morning.  (I'll give you a hint - it's NOT because you were puking that alcohol back up last night).

It's honestly because we're all fallen.  We're all fools.  We don't have any sense of morals and wonder why we can't seem to make ourselves happy.  We fake love, money and ourselves.  We don't know how to be real anymore.  We get lost in the shuffle.  We just feel plain lost.  Maybe if people started going to church instead of the mall on Sundays, they'd find some happiness.  They would find some fulfillment.

How low will you go before you realize that you're only sinking in your own wetsand?
10:37 am - 9 comments - 4 Kudos
Sunday, March 09, 2008

Why Do I Play Guitar?

Current mood: contemplative

Why do I play guitar?
I guess that's the million dollar question.  It's something maybe I should have blogged about a long time ago.  I don't think I ever really thought about.  The thing with me is that I've always liked music in general; I never said "I can't play this instrument because you can't make good music with it".  At the same time, I never said "I have to play that instrument because I love the music you can make with it".  I've always done what I wanted to do with music for alterior motives.

I've had training with many instruments, but the three that I stuck it out the longest for are trumpet, piano, and guitar.  I think I picked up the trumpet because I was already learning piano and the trumpet was shiny and available at my elementary school.  And it was loud.  I like loud music; if I'm listening to classical music on my stereo, it's gonna be loud.
I probably started playing piano because my family decided that I should play piano.  It was the first instrument I really had an experience with.  I stuck it out with that until I began grade six piano work, and then I quit.  Looking back, quitting may have been stupid.  But I was tired of it.  At that point, I wanted to play more than classical music - I wanted to do something contemporary.  But my teacher wasn't very good - very classically-based, which isn't good for a child - and didn't really endorse that.  So, about a year after I started playing guitar, even though everybody told me not to, I quit learning piano.

I can still play piano, but I just didn't continue taking lessons.  This was around the same time that I started to solely focus on the guitar - in grade nine.  I'm in grade twelve now.

But what led me to guitar?  Like I said before, I started playing guitar a year before I started playing piano.  But I had wanted to play guitar since I was a child.  We have a photo in my house of me playing a broom like it was a guitar when I was about three years old.  In the photo, I'm sitting in this white lawn chair in our backyard (before we moved to where I'm living now, I believe).  And I've got this broomstick in my hand, and I'm holding the stick part like it's a fretboard and the bottom of the broom - the part with the brush - served as the body. 

At the time, I don't know if I had heard much music.

And around grade five, a few of my friends started playing guitar.  I think one of them tried to teach me how to play a G chord.  I thought he was a great player, but all he knew was G, Em, D and Am.  I was a little jealous.

One of the things I suppose you have to know about me is that (although I don't admit it) I probably have a problem with jealousy.  But it's not really about objects so much as talents.  If I see somebody doing something and I decide I want to be able to do said thing better than he/she can, I'll set out to do it.  I have this natural drive to be the best at everything (except schoolwork, because somewhere in the back of my mind I decided it doesn't matter). 

But I didn't learn guitar after I saw my friend playing.  No, it took another couple years.  In grade six, I went camping with a friend and I saw a teenager playing acoustic beside a campfire. 

I went home and told my parents I wanted to play.  I convinced them I was serious, so they bought me a guitar.  I didn't practice much for at least a year to a year and a half, so I'm lucky to be where I am today with it.

That's the reason I started to play.  Really, it was just to be better at something than somebody else.  It's not necessarily a good thing - it's led to some ego issues, I admit, and it's led to an inability to take compliments well because there's always one person who's better than me.

You can't be the best at anything.  It's impossible.

I'm going to make a prediction: my aspiration will be the death of me.  My aspiration to be bigger than Metallica will drive me into the ground slowly, piece by piece, until I die of starvation or live on the streets.  All because I can't handle a little jealousy. 

I feel like I've written too long.  Have I written too long?  Maybe you're thinking I'm going emo - I assure you I'm not - but I have a lot on my mind at the moment.

On Thursday, I'm heading south from snowy Canada and going to Florida for a week.  I'm very excited. If I see a Macbook when I'm in the States, I'll probably purchase one.  I hope I see one on my travels.  Wish me luck, and if I don't speak to you again for a while, I wish you all a good Spring Break!
11:45 am - 5 comments - 8 Kudos
Thursday, February 21, 2008

Forgiveness and the Art of Confusion

Current mood: confused

Forgiveness is a somber subject.  It's not just something you can jovially discuss.  Obviously, the rule "forgive and forget" generally comes into play whenever forgiveness comes up.  But is there an exception?  Is there ever an exception?  Is there a reason to not forgive?

I don't have the answers to these questions.

But don't you just get so freaking angry when people don't understand how hard it is for you to forgive certain people?  "I went through the same thing and I forgave people".  Good for you.  You're not me.

I have a problem with forgiveness.  Well...that's not really true.  I have a problem with four or five people and forgiving them.  But I don't want to talk about why.  I don't want sympathy, I just want people to understand: I can't forgive certain people!  Deal with it!

Forgiveness kind of goes hand in hand with the Art of Balance, or what I call the Art of Balance.  It's what I call the juggling act in life between happiness and peace-keeping.  You have to sacrifice a little part of yourself by forgiving people.  But forgiveness is a double-edged blade.  You're unhappy about forgiving people, but unhappy if you don't.  Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Confused? So am I.  Life is the Art of Confusion.  Have you ever had one of those days where everything's going right, but yet your relationships feel so...wrong?  How is it that one day, somebody can be your friend, but the next, avoid talking to you?  I don't understand.  What did we ever do, right?  I'm beyond confused.  I don't understand people anymore, and I'm tempted to let go and not try.

These days, I take solace in heavy metal (what else is new?).  And to be honest with you, heavy metal is perfectly describing how I feel these days.  Aggressive, confused and hypocritical. 

I like to think my blogs are unusual because they like to give you the answers to life's problems.  But not today.  Today my blog is average, because I'm describing what I don't understand.  If you get it and feel like sharing, please do.  I am confused.
5:24 am - 1 comments - 2 Kudos
Thursday, January 24, 2008

Aesthetics of Hate: The Article & My Response

Current mood: disgusted

For those of you that do not know of the Dimbag Darrell Abbott, allow me to briefly fill you in: he was a heavy metal legacy and a guitarist who appeared on no more than twelve records and was the sole guitarist for Pantera, Damageplan, and Rebel Meets Rebel.  Those of you that listen to my music or have read my profile know that I am a metalhead, and Dimebag is one of my favourite guitarists.  He was shot and killed on December 8th, 2004 by a crazed fan Nathan Gale.  Please read this entry on Wikipedia to gain a full understanding of the murder of Dimebag Darrell (just read the part about his death): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dimebag_Darrell

A follow-up criminal investigation went on to reveal Nathan Gale was a paranoid schizophrenic who believed the band members of Pantera "could read his mind, were stealing his thoughts, and laughing at him" (Wikipedia).

This was a tragic day in music history, regardless of whether one was a fan of metal or not.  Rarely is a musician assassinated, let alone one who had influenced as many people as Dimebag Darrell had.  Vigils were held.  People mourned.  The metal world had not experienced anything like this since Cliff Burton (of Metallica) suffered a tragic death in November 1986.

To add insult to injury, an arts critic named William Grim posted an article on the Internet called "Aesthetics of Hate: R.I.P. Dimebag Abbott, & Good Riddance".  To save you the tribulation of looking up this article yourself, here’s the link: http://www.quickrob.com/weblog/?p=1074

This article inspired Machine Head's song "Aesthetics Of Hate" from their 2007 album The Blackening. 

Seeing as this article was published three years ago, I know I am a little late to offer my two cents.  But, you've read this far and I assume you'll read further to see my personal opinion of the article and of William Grim's prejudism. 

Grim makes many legitimate points, believe it or not.  I agree with him that rap isn't really music anymore.  And Dimebag Darrell was no Bach or Mozart, and I can easily acknowledge Bach as perhaps the greatest composer who ever lived.  His music is timeless and perfect.  Mozart, on the other hand...I'm not saying I can do better, but apart from "Requiem", most of his work is full of fluff; that is to say, it leaves something to be desired.

Despite the fact that Bach and Mozart are both better writers than Dimebag, I still find Pantera much more entertaining than either of them simply because the music is faster-paced, easier to swallow, and more fun for me to personally listen to.  So perhaps I am biased, but Dimebag Darrell was no abhorrent piece of filth like Mr. Grim claims. 

Let's take a look at the two things I consider to be most offensive in this article - and if you appreciate any form of music or social liberty, you'll more than likely agree with me.  First of all, Grim lambastes heavy metal and its fans and plasters the genre with every stereotype the Conservatives have thought up for it over the year, none of which are true.  Here's some direct quotes:
On heavy metal music:
"The squalor, inhumanity, filth (both in the metaphorical and hygienic senses), depravity, ugliness and ignorance of everything that heavy metal represents..."
"I cannot use the noble term music in a description of heavy metal."
"Haydn and Beethoven are numerous steps further along the evolutionary trail than Dimebag Abbott." 
"It would be wrong to ignore Mr. Abbott's complicity in contributing to the soul-deadening culture of death, ugliness, depravity and inhumanity."
On Dimebag Darrell:
"He was an ignorant, barbaric, untalented possessor of a guitar and large amplifier system. Freakish in appearance, more simian than human, he was the performer of a type of "entertainment" that can be likened only to a gorilla on PCP. Lacking subtlety, wit, style, emotional range and anything approaching even the smallest iota of intellectual or musical interest, Mr. Abbott was part of a generation that has confused sputum with art and involuntary reflex actions with emotion. "
"The murder of even a semi-human barbarian like Mr. Abbott..."
--The other quotes I have already listed also fit Grim's description of Dimebag.
On heavy metal fans:
"As far as I am concerned, those who advocate a dumbed-down liturgy and schlocky pop music substitutes for Bach, Handel and the masses of the Renaissance, are as offensive as the Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church and his perverse sexual politics."
"If we ... don't teach [our children] to realize that Johann Sebastian Bach is superior to Dimebag Abbott, we have failed as parents and mentors."
"It was an assemblage of ignorant, semi-human barbarians who were filthy in attire and manner, intellectually incoherent and above all else, hideously ugly to the point of physical deformity. Here is a definite case in which the outer appearance of these "fans" accurately represented the hideousness of their souls. That the physical deformity of their ugliness was self-inflicted makes the spiritual tragedy of their misspent lives all the more tragic."

I suppose I'm an ignorant, semi-human barbarian incapable of forming any kind of thought sincerity or any kind of abstract art.  May my parents be deeply saddened by the ugliness I possess, and may I forever misspend my life listening to Metallica instead of Britney Spears and Kid Rock.  My children will be as uncivilized and barbaric as I am.  I will end up teaching them how to hunt with a club and a pre-Mesopotamia-era knife-like weapon.  I am covered in warts and my long hair makes me uglier than the filthy dog that roams my neighbourhood at night.

And yes, that was all sarcasm.  Ironically, the man who wrote this article wears elitist sun glasses and black golf shirts to disguise the fact that he is actually obese.  And he is balding.  I'm not joking; look up his picture on Google images if you don't believe me.

Clearly, I am quite capable of thought.  I am intelligent and open-minded (poor Mr. Grim only possesses one of those two qualities).  I don't drop the f-bomb every time I open my mouth, and I am far prettier than Grim.  I definitely have more hair.    Perhaps Grim forgets that most metal fans are teenagers and therefore are ugly, acne-covered slobs.  Grim probably doesn't remember or doesn't want to remember, but I bet he was just as pimply when he was a teen.  And how much do you want to bet he listened to Deep Purple or Aerosmith back in the day?  Heaven forbid teenagers me teenagers and listen to a music for the young.  Please Grim, forgive us for lacking the civilized manners and ideology you seem to possess. 

Not only that, but Nathan Gale, as mentioned previously, killed Dimebag because of his schizophrenia.  It had nothing to do with metal music "encouraging murder".  That is both close-minded and uneducated of Mr. Grim to claim.

Dimebag Darrell was also much better at guitar playing than Grim believes, perhaps one of the greatest guitarists on the earth.  He won practically every guitar contest in Texas and was asked to be a judge for them later on.  His music earned international acclaim.  This is an affront to his life and certainly a disgusting way to insult him after he's buried.  It's insulting to the music community as a whole.

The second thing that Grim claims is Conservatives need to be imposing their views on their children.  That's disgusting.  You cannot force a child into believing anything, especially not their parent's views.  Children are meant to create their own opinions, whether they are right or wrong is neither important nor acknowledgeable.  It is through these opinions that children gain life experience and begin to show maturity.  In fact, if you as a parent believe your children are your clones, then your children are either lying to you or you do not know your children at all.  They will rebel on purpose because every prior generation is seen as a travesty to children.  Let your children know your opinion, but to impose said opinion is an abhorrence to mankind.  It's the precise reason why Christianity is a hated religion and exactly why teens invest their time and money into drugs, alcohol, and sex. 

Some other things I have problems with: education does not teach you to appreciate fine art.  That is something you must discover on your own.  Education is there precisely to teach you how what you'll need to know as an adult and as a parent.  It is there to give you more knowledge, not treat you to art galleries and classical music. 

Also, metalheads are not stupid.  We are highly intelligent, and our music often is as well.  If you look beyond the commercial metal bands and go deeper, you discover bands that are deeply dissatisfied with the way things work and sing about it: their anger covers politics, murders, rapes and general travesties of mankind.  Many metal bands exist to generate anger, but that anger is supposed to be aimed at close-minded people like Grim and politicians who have failed their country and the world (need I say Bush?)

Attributing something as common as metal, the third-best selling musical genre in the world (after rap/hip hop and country), to something as common as ignorance or ugliness is like saying that all serial killers wear sneakers and thus sneakers influence serial killers.  We all are intelligent enough to understand that what we wear on our feet does not make us smart or stupid.  It is rather our education and how much work we put into it and how much time we take to learn during our own private time.

Also, there are many unintelligent people who don't listen to metal.  Consider politicians: most politicians, including Bush and his current members of Congress, have no idea what to say unless it's been prepared for them by a speech writer and written plainly on the screen in front of them.  And yes, many metalheads are unintelligent because they are TEENAGERS.  Teenagers do not have very many years of life experience and thus cannot be as intelligent as a forty-five year old man like Grim.  Does Grim even have children of his own?

Finally, in comparing heavy metal to classical music, Grim proves he does not listen to the music - otherwise he would know that metal is closer to classical music than any other genre in existence.  For a metal guitar player to not have a good understanding of classical music is suicide.  So, metal can be considered classical music on steroids.

 

In closing, it’s obvious that Grim’s article is a plain attack on heavy metal, its fans, and perhaps even modern music itself.  His ignorant views make a bad name for Conservative Christians everywhere.

4:38 am - 7 comments - 6 Kudos
Saturday, January 19, 2008

NEW SONG (WITH VOCALS)!

Current mood: excited

Hey guys!  I know this blog isn't serious at all, but it's a good way to get the word out! 

I've just recorded a new song!  It's called Surreal Skies!  I was hoping you guys could check it out and tell me what you think!  I recorded it in one take and I didn't have a good mic, so all the vocals sounds like garbage.  On the other hand, I think the guitar part is pretty sick for one take, and I also think that it's a kicking song!  I'm not going to write out the lyrics for you, but it's all about how we as humans are killing each other for nations that don't care about us and how the world has "Gone down in flames".  It's about how we try to keep ourselves up, but ultimately fail because we shoot each other down with machine guns all the time.  Enjoy the song!  Please comment!

PS.  This song has not been finalized by the rest of the band, so be specific with your comments and tell me what you think of the song - the best and worst parts, etc.  Thanks a lot guys!  This means a lot to me!

PPS.  If you like this song, add my band on myspace: www.myspace.com/seventhgearmetal.
10:05 am - 0 comments - 0 Kudos
Thursday, January 17, 2008

The Importance Of Music

Current mood: optimistic

A wise man once said that "Music, next to silence, comes closest to expressing the inexpressible."  How true these words are!  Every solo conveys a meaning, every word used in the lyrics are important, every beat made by the drummer conveys some sort of emotion.  The value of music in today's society is, I think, something that is constantly understated, and for good reason: today's music still sucks.  (That alone explanes why music sales have plummeted).

The stagnant rock scene and the emptiness of hiphop and rap are destroying music.  There's no progression.  Things are moving backwards.  Things have been moving backwards since 1980.  (Actually, they've been moving backward since MTV first debuted Motley Crue, but that's a different story).  The last time a band acted like a 4-piece unit instead of a platform for a god-awful singer most people don't care to hear anyways was the late '70's.  Of course, that is debatable, because there have always been good bands in the underground.  However, the underground does not effect music because it is underground - hence its name.  What effects music and consequently culture is the mainstream music.  And when people like 50 Cent hit the number one spot on Billboard, I get worried about the current state of our world.

I think it's important to understand that music is not something that predicates what will happen in society.  Music is a reflection of society and cannot predict our society's future.  So when somebody has a number one single and it's all about "slappin' them hoes", maybe we need to adjust our priorites accordingly.  Because the point of life isn't about "gettin' laid every day all the time, every night all the time I'm gettin' laid".  Not a wonder the world is so sex-crazed and utterly stupid.

We have no forward progression.  When we have a culture that's moving backwards, we end up having a government that's moving backwards.  If you don't think the current American government is moving backwards, look at the Homeland Security Act - which gives the American government the right to essentially spy on its people.  Or look at the current Presidential candidates - many of which believe that a President does not need to consult Congress before going to war. 

If that doesn't sound like a tyranny, I don't know what does.
In order to achieve a dictatorship, there are two necessary powers that the ruler needs to achieve.  They are as follows:
1. The power to declare war. 
    - We are definitely moving towards this.  Currently, the American            government can declare war and does declare war (quite regularly, if        you haven't noticed - dictators declare war regularly to keep their            people in check as well).  If Hillary Clinton wins, I doubt she'll consult        Congress before attacking another country.  In that sense, she'll have        achieved one third of what is necessary to become a dictator.
2. The power to create and enforce new taxes.
    - Interestingly enough, the American Constitution has been invalid since income tax was declared as an emergency tax during wartime.  Of            course, as you all know I'm sure, income tax was never removed and        thus has become a fixated part of the American culture, even in peace        times.  This voided your Constitution and essentially gave the                    government (i.e. the President) the power to create and enforce                whatever new tax he or she will.  Justification, thanks to the power of        a euphenism, is no longer necessary.

If that doesn't frighten you, maybe this will.  In an article written by Larry Chin for The Intelligence Daily, Larry had this to say:
    "The National Security and Homeland Security Presidential Directive,       signed on May 9, 2007 declares that in the event of a 'catastrophic         event', George W. Bush can become what is best described as 'a             dictator': 
    'The President shall lead the activities of the Federal Government for      ensuring constitutional government.' "
You can read the whole article at http://www.inteldaily.com/?c=172&a=2073.

What's my point?  Why do I go to all of this trouble to tell you about two qualities a dictator must achieve?  If I really wanted to get into this, I could go into how a dictator achieves these powers, but the fact of the matter is that does not pertain to this blog.

What does pertain to this blog is that the American political state is hurting.  The United States is bleeding.  The people are crying all over the world.  We need to help them.  I am by no means an activist - my sole purpose is to make people think.  I don't care to be an activist either.  I want to make you think and reach out to one person who will feel led to do something.  I want to get something started and let somebody else finish the revolution.  I exist as an idea generator.

Here's an idea: fix the current music scene.  You probably consider me to be a bloated fool at the moment.  "Here he is talking about how many problems there are in the world and he wants to fix music?"  That's exactly right.  The world needs to be united under an idea.  And if music generates those ideas (and it does, because it expresses the inexpressible), then I think music is the most powerful tool at our disposable.  Let's harness it!  If we can reflect society with our music, reflect the parts of society that need to be fixed.  We need to avoid this now-common theme of killing somebody because they slept with our girlfriend (I'm looking at you, Maroon 5) or making a ton of money off of drug dealing (hey Fiddy, that's you!), and we need to especially avoid pointless killings in our songs (hey Eminem - how many times have you killed your whole family now?)

We need to write morally strong music with a thematic element of hope for the hopeless and the conquering of evil.  As cheesy as it sounds, I think it's our one remaining hope for peace on earth and goodwill towards man.  You can criticize this all you want, but you can't deny that as long as music moves backwards, so does society.  If society moves backwards, that leads us to dictatorships and anarchy.  We essentially return to the Dark Ages.  Is this a problem?  Yes it is.  We need to avoid it. 

Look at today's society.  The middle class is slowly fading away.  We are seeing two classes start to dominate culture now: the utterly obscenely rich and utterly obscenely poor.  Look at the world around you; not your own neighborhood.  In today's world, the utterly obscenely rich is everybody in North America and Western Europe.  Compare your wages to those of an African family, who could take even one percent of what the average American citizen makes a year and live on it for thirty years.  There are two classes.  Previously, there were three classes: lower, middle, upper.  The middle class, the one most predominantly responsible for instituting democracy across the Western nations, is fading away.  We are slowly returning to the way of the Dark Ages.

Let's fix this.  Use music.  Do what you can.  Don't say you can't do anything, because you can always reach out to just one person.  If you've changed one person's life for the better, you've done what God put you on this blessed earth for.  God be with us as we finish the first decade of the new millenium.  I pray we last another.
10:16 am - 2 comments - 4 Kudos
Tuesday, January 15, 2008

I HATE YOU (not you, the other person)

Current mood: angry

I had an awful day yesterday.  For a Monday, it was bad - if it were to happen on a Friday, it would have been awful.  But I'm going to skip the first 99% of my day and get past all that annoying stuff that I can guarantee nobody cares about but me.  And now I'm going to talk about the final part of my day, the part of my day where I got so angry I would have killed the girl I was talking to were it not on MSN.

This girl, supposedly my friend, was talking to me on MSN, and since we both dislike talking to each other on MSN (because we would much rather see each other face to face), we ask each other questions.  And I was like "Do you know what I want?"  She said to me "A girlfriend?"

I replied, "No, I want to be famous.  Just so I finally get some respect.  For once.  That'd be nice."

And she said "How do you plan on doing that?  By playing guitar?"

"Yes," I replied.

"Ok there."

My blood started to boil already.  We've had this kind of conversation before, but I was already in a bad mood.  This was not the time for her to be saying this to me.  "You don't think I can do it?" I asked.  She replied that "No, I don't."

I snapped at her!  "You're just like everybody else!  You know why?  Because everybody else says I can't do it too.  Because they said regular people can't do this.  They say people can't do this; it's hard.  You know what?  I'M NOT A FREAKING REGULAR PERSON!"

And she says "You're not?" 

I know her well enough to know that's supposed to be insulting.

I was so angry right now that I was beyond saving.  "No, I'm not.  This is what I've wanted to do since I was two.  This has always been, deep down, what I've wanted to do.  Everything else that's happened in my life, everything, serves to prepare me for this.  Everything points towards this.  This is what I'm meant to do.  I'm meant to play music.  It's all I know how to do with any degree of certainty.  And apparently I'm good at it."

"Says who?" That comment stung.  It stung because she's heard me play.  She doesn't like it when I play.  My music is "noise" because it doesn't sound like her favourite guitarist - Brian May from Queen - because Brian May is not a guitarist I particularly like.  I dislike his style.  Why emulate it?

"There are a lot of people who say I'm really good.  For starters, just about everybody who's heard me play.  I'll mention needing to learn something to a friend and he or she will be shocked and say something to the effect of 'I thought you already knew how to play EVERYTHING.'  My guitar teacher tells me that I have the potential to become the best guitarist on the planet."  This was my way of telling her to shut up and leave me alone and that I didn't want to talk to her.  Although it was very subtle.

Her response?  Get this: "As long as Brian May's alive, you'll never be the best guitarist."

I got sooooooo angry.  "You know what?" I said.  If she was face-to-face with me, I would have screamed.  "Thirty years from now, I'll remember you said that!  You remember you said that!  I'll be better than Brian May!  You know what you just did?  You dared me to be better than him!  And I don't lose dares!  So you remember what you said, and thirty years from now, when I'm rocking places all over the world, being hailed by everybody as the Jimi Hendrix of heavy metal, you come back and talk to me again!"

Then I went to bed.

Honestly, you don't tell me what I can and cannot do.  I will do what I supposedly cannot do, just to slap you in the face.  I am so sick and tired of being told that I can't be famous because becoming famous is "hard to do".  I am sick and tired of people telling me nobody's interested in what I have to say.  I am sick and tired of people being losers and jerks and telling me what they think of me before they even see me play guitar.  Like one kid who said "I bet your guitar case has a sandwich in it."  You know what I bet?  I bet if you weren't standing across the street from me when you yelled that, my guitar's headstock would have been rammed down your throat, you freaking immature little son-of-a-bitch PIG. 

(Disclaimer: For legal purposes, I shoudl probably say that this is not a message to the people who read this blog and comment on it.  This is not a message to anybody on this site).

I HATE YOU.  EVERY ONE OF YOU.  EVERYBODY WHO EVER TOLD ME I CAN'T.  YOU'RE ALL DEAD TO ME.  DON'T EVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN.  I HATE YOU MORE THAN I HATE ANYTHING ON THE PLANET - MORE THAN POLITICIANS AND SCHOOL SYSTEMS, MORE THAN TYRANTS, MORE THAN MY JACKASS SCIENCE TEACHER FROM GRADE NINE.  YOU ARE RATS.  YOU ARE WHORES.  YOU ARE FAGGOTS.  YOU SHOULD ALL DIE.  AND I HOPE SOME OF YOU DO DIE.  GO TO HELL!

And that is the angriest any of you will ever probably see me in this blog.  I HATE THEM.  BURN, YOU ASENINE JERKS!  People don't understand how determined I am to make this happen.  People don't understand me.  They can't.  Nobody can understand how my mind works because it's not normal.  It's more obsessive than anything people will ever see.  It's more determined to dominate than Sadaam Hussein.  I will be better than everybody else.  I will grab you by your legs, pick you up, and smash your skull into the ground.  And you can't make me slow down.  Come talk to me in thirty years, when I'm a celebrity musician and you're in an office signing papers for your pompous boss and working for a garbage company.  But don't expect me to loan you money.
11:04 am - 6 comments - 6 Kudos
Sunday, January 13, 2008

The Bucket List

Current mood: happy

Most of you might recognize the title of my blog right now as a title stolen from the movie of the same name.  Well, yes, that is what this blog is all about, really.  I saw that movie tonight.  I won't talk about how good it was, because that's not what this is about.  For thsoe of you that do not know what a bucket list is, it's a list that you make of things you want to do before you "kick the bucket", per se.  I felt inspired after the movie to create a similar list of my own.  So, this is my bucket list (not in any particular order).

1.  Find true happiness and never let go of it.
2.  Make somebody else happy.
3.  Go skydiving.
4.  Eat pizza in Italy.
5.  Tour Athens (Greece).
6.  See a heavy metal show in Finland.
7.  Find true love.
8.  Kiss the most beautiful girl in the world.
9.  Play guitar on a record and have it sell 50,000+ copies.
10.  Make at least one person laugh until they cry.
11.  Master the art of humility.
12.  Experience true silence.
13.  Hear the voice of God in the wind.
14.  Make a speech that causes somebody in the audience to shed tears.
15.  Go to somebody's wedding.
16.  Be at my own wedding.
17.  Dance with my future daughter at her wedding (after walking her down the aisle).
18.  Teach my son how to throw a baseball.
19.  Sit at the top of a pyramid.
20.  Make a profound difference in somebody's life.
21.  Eat lunch with the President (present or future).
22.  Wake up to the sun shining in my bedroom window...in Venice.
23.  Have a pen pal.
24.  Wake up next to the most beautiful wife on the planet. (My wife...not somebody else's...don't be a douche about this).
25.  Become so depressed that I can't remember what happiness feels like - just so I can appreciate happiness at its full value.
26.  Learn how to balance life.
27.  Love somebody more than I love myself.
28.  Experience true loss (which is only possible if I can achieve number 27).
29.  Go on a missions trip to Africa.
30.  Build a house for somebody who doesn't have one.
31.  Experience a dictatorship so I can appreciate freedom.
32.  Save somebody's life.
33.  Meet the boys from Metallica.
34.  Prove the existence of God to just one person, if not many.
35.  Stand on the peak of a mountain.
36.  Write a love song and play it for the girl I love.
37.  Ride a horse.
38.  Not speak for a full day.
39.  Learn the power of grace and mercy.
40.  Take a homeless person to a rich restaurant and buy him a meal.
41.  Dance with a girl (to a slow song, none of that bump and grind crap).
42.  Feel loved by somebody.
43.  Form my own rock band.
44.  Help somebody in need without realizing it.
45.  Pray for somebody and have that person thank me for it.
46.  Visit an African Safari (a real one in Africa.  Not some bull crap Ontario one).
47.  Shoot a gun.
48.  Conquer my fears.
49.  Conquer my insecurity.
50.  Drive a Porsche 911.
12:33 pm - 5 comments - 3 Kudos
Saturday, January 12, 2008

I wrote a new song!!

Current mood: tired

Normally, I don't post my lyrics on UG.  Or anywhere for that matter.  But I feel that this song has meaning to it and I feel like I can help one person.  The song doesn't have a title, so if anybody has suggestions, I'm OK with that.  And give me some suggestions on how to improve it.  But please treat it with respect.  Don't go knocking "emo" people, who the song is about.  It's meant to be a positive, encouraging song, so don't be a negative person about it.  Thanks.

Verse 1
Daddy put the bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
Mama can't remember when he started drinking liqueur
You are having trouble with constant thoughts of suicide
The only will remaining is the will you have to die

Chorus 1
You live life like it's a trigger, and if your problem's don't pass
You will end your problems quicker, and now you're giving up so fast
You drink from the bottom of the bottle; you make your own liqueur last
Because it's easier to swallow when you drown pain from the past

Verse 2
Your brother's up and left now; he can't take you anymore
Your best friends left you all alone in their pursuit for something more
Your best friend is now your whiskey, and when that night you go to bed
You pray that when you wake up, you will wake up dead

Chorus 2
In an act of desperation you asked God into your life
And you downed the last bit of whiskey, and it ended all your strife
But in your death you were breathing, and that's when you realized
That the only life worth living is the one where you're alive
Drink from the bottom of the bottle of love, peace and joyful laugh
Because life's easier to swallow when living is no longer just a fad
Because in our death we're still breathing and that's when we realized
That the only life worth living is the one where we're alive

Bridge
In this life just keep on breathing, because suicide's a lie
The mistake people make is assuming suicide means we die
When you cry on our shoulders, we will also cry
And God weeps when you're weeping; please don't make us say goodbye

Chorus 3
In an act of desperation you asked God into your life
And you downed the last bit of whiskey, and it ended all your strife
But in your death you were breathing, and that's when you realized
That the only life worth living is the one where you're alive
1:19 am - 2 comments - 2 Kudos
Thursday, January 10, 2008

This is a memoir

Current mood: melancholy

I looked out my window this morning and saw a few kids walking by.  I know them all.  I think I have their respect. 
I go to school, and I just sit on a step and watch people file into the building.  I watch how many people stare at me.  The people I don't know who stare at me - I'll stare back intensely.  Not to frighten them.  To get them wondering "Who's that kid that's sitting there?  Why does he do it?"  Basically, I try to act mysterious.  Then I look at kids I know and watch how many acknowledge me.  Acknowledgement is respect.

I write a blog here, and I watch the people who comment.  One person tells me "If you were President, things would be better."  Others agree with me.  Sometimes they'll leave a comment about how I'm right, sometimes they'll disagree, but no matter what they say, everything they say is valid.  I think I've earned respect of the people on this site, if only because of this blog.  And the things that I write about are things people care about (most of the time).  I talk about, war, politics, murders...the list goes on.  People notice it.  People read it.  Some people will read it every day.  Why?  I don't think it's because I have an unusual opinion.

I think it's because I voice what other people don't know how to voice.  I think it's because I take the words other people think and put them down on paper - or in this case, on a screen.  On a website.  I voice the opinions of millions without realizing it.  I'm not trying to brag.  But I think this is like a memoir for the people, by the people. 

Thirty years ago, when somebody discovers this blog, will it help them analyze the times?  Will this blog be in existence two hundred years from now?  What will people think?  Will people even be around two hundred years from now?  Maybe we'll have completely incinerated each other at that point.

Something to think about.
10:26 am - 1 comments - 2 Kudos
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