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Monday, February 22, 2010

I didn't belong there

and that's why I came here
but then I realized
I don't belong here either.
12:39 am - 0 comments - 0 Kudos
Wednesday, December 30, 2009

you know what you're doing

or at least I wish I could say that.
I know that I really shouldn't
but when I love a person
I can't forgive her.
I can't forgive you.
and I know it's not your fault
it never was.
But deep inside, I resent you.
I care about you
to the point
where I hate you.

If I truly knew how to tell you I love you,
perhaps I would.
but as another day closes behind me
I remain
as I have always done.
2:22 am - 0 comments - 0 Kudos
Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Meeting People Is Easy.

Current mood: angsty

Yeah, great film.
Depressing, but what has Radiohead ever put out that wasn't?

We're only people. We're all people. If I took a knife to your head, you'd bleed. If you took a knife to mine, I'd bleed. If I stuck a knife in Tom Cruise's face, he'd bleed. We all bleed the same, because we're all humans. We're all people.

And yet, we're being worked day in and day out, work work work, work and overwork, work until you hate doing what you used to love, work until you hate yourself because you're not what you used to love, work all your life away for some higher up in a white suit, sitting on a nice yacht and sipping wine and listening to bleeding posh music. Work to BE the white suit on a yacht drinking wine and listening to trash. And what, in a few years, a decade or two, a few generations, what will become of you? Do you realize that there have been tens of billions of people who have lived and died on this very same earth we live on who have felt the same basic things we have, who've struggled through the same strife we have, who've worked their lives away to achieve... Nothing? And that's exactly what's become of them. Nothing. Oh, maybe there'll be somebody famous who discovered something important, or invented something revolutionary, or maybe a revolutionary themselves who changed the entire landscape of history. But to what avail? What have they become? Fond memories? The butt of our jokes?

It's far easier to tear a person apart than it is to put them back together.

And you know, it's absolutely ridiculous. All of it is just insane. There's no reason anymore. There's the extremist there, the extremist here, the fundamentalists demanding their own views of things, liberal here, conservative here, republican and democrat, independent party, socialist, communist, anarchist, and you know, all this- Diversity's not a bad thing, not at all, but it's all mad. And you know, all of it's mad. I can say the exact same things about unity of mind, sameness of soul, whatever. It's everything.
And it's absolutely maddening to me, because I was never raised to be sheltered, and I've never been one to hold back on saying what I very well please. And it's like being blind- I know what's wrong, and I can do all I can to stop it, or to cure it, but to what effect? It's never going to really change.

It comes to a point where none of it even matters anymore.

At least if you're some office lackey, typing away a business proposal here, a request for a promotion there, filing away all the legal documents that keep you afloat... Well, at least you'll know how it all ends.

But what if you're not content with that? You don't know how it'll end. But you know what the end is anyways.

I'm not saying death is an enemy. I'm not saying that if we lived forever, any of this would change. Because none of it would. This will stay relevant no matter what the circumstances are, no matter what's happening in the world, no matter what.

And with the fading memory, a nostalgic and bittersweet tear, some old photographs that I've wanted to rip up so many times before, with my finger hovering over the delete button as I look over years and years' worth of barely-there distant past realities...

And perhaps the most agonizing thing is that I know that I don't know. There will be too much in this world I will never see and never experience. I will never get inside your thoughts, and I will never know what it is truly like to be another person, in another reality. But already, I've seen too much. You've seen too much.

And it isn't enough.

...Cool blog, bro.
7:29 am - 0 comments - 0 Kudos
Tuesday, November 08, 2005

My mind lies to me.

Everyone's does, I think.
But not like mine.
8:23 am - 0 comments - 0 Kudos
Sunday, May 12, 2002

no one is here

I cannot see.
I cannot feel.
I am a demon.
product of every tragedy
that I can't let go of
like a corpse with fingers clenched tight
when all else fades away, my love is the only
entity binding me to the earth I once knew.

And before too long, that fades away as well.
7:59 am - 0 comments - 0 Kudos
Sunday, April 14, 2002

I think I'm clever

until I listen to the rain falling
and that's when I realize
that I am not
clever at all.

I think I'm happy
until I hear the
and I weep to myself
knowing I may never know
a higher authority than myself.

I like to think many things.
but when I'm finished talking,
I realize
I haven't said anything at all.
2:13 pm - 0 comments - 0 Kudos
Wednesday, February 14, 2001

I am a ghost.

no matter how much I want to die,
I cannot.
4:43 pm - 0 comments - 0 Kudos
Friday, October 03, 1997

vanity is the color of sin

greed is an overtone.
pride is an undertone.
8:38 am - 0 comments - 0 Kudos
Tuesday, January 03, 1995

my teachers told me I'd never amount to anything.

they were right.
5:00 am - 0 comments - 0 Kudos
Wednesday, August 03, 1994

I stand in line

and wonder if I'll ever see
these faces again.

I walk these streets
knowing that I am no one
as I am no one
everyone else.
11:38 am - 0 comments - 0 Kudos
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