Michelangelo193

Important: If you have not read "The Song Sucks", then do not continue. Read that first, so you will understand this. Thank you.

Covers don't work. In the general scope of music history, covers have not stood for innovation or creativity. There are a few exceptions (see: Stone Temple Pilots, Rage Against the Machine, Tool), but for the general populace of bands, covers don't work. I think that we could attribute this to the fact that when an artist covers another, originality is robbed from both artists, not to mention the song itself. Now that I got that off my chest, I can continue on in the original mission.

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It was mid-morning on a Wednesday when I pressed the "UP" button on my television remote and came to what could possibly be the worst musical endeavor ever made. Now, for those of you who know me well, you know that I have the tendency of using the words "worst", "ever", and "made" in the same sentence more frequently than appropriate. But this is no exaggeration. This endeavor was the cover of Hinder's "Lips of an Angel" by some shitty country band that happens to sound like every other shitty country band.

Now, I wouldn't hesitate to say that this is one of the worst covers ever made (not exaggerating), and here's my arguement for that: nothing was changed, but everything was changed. I realize that there is a good chance that you don't understand, so I'll elaborate.

The only things that changed in the shitty country version was the guitar and vocal tones. Other than that, nothing. The tempo, the shittiness, all the same. This presents a problem. Why would someone want to listen to a song that is a carbon copy of another, just with a belt-buckle and whinier voice? That would defy the basic logic people use when approaching music (then again, most country music does). So, we know nothing has changed.

Except for everything. The lyrics have changed context, and this is a song that only uses lyrics to convey a message, so in essence, everything has changed in the song. Now the lyrics are in the context of a sweet loverboy ballad, and not a hardass badboy ballad. But here's the thing, the lead singer of said Shitty Country Band, is still cheating on his fiance. He's still thinking of Miss Brunette while fucking Miss Blonde. He's still just as much of an asshole, yet he's still played at weddings.

So, Shitty Country Band has not completely copied Hinder, but they've come close. This implies that they still exude a certain level of originality, which is right I guess, but this originality only reaches as far as his whiny voice can run, which obviously isn't far. Shitty Country Band have made their own version. But it isn't new, innovative, or...good. It sucks like the original. But at least this singer doesn't have constipation.

It was mid-summer of 2006 when I first heard the song "Lips of an Angel" by Hinder. At first I was unsure what to think. It obviously sucked, but I couldn't decide if it sucked enough to hate it, or if it sucked enough to be able to turn it up and tap my foot to it. It turned out to be both, just in a different order.

At first, I wouldn't change the channel if it came on VH1, nor would I change the radio station. I would mock the Eddie Vedder-wannabe who sang the song, and roll down the car window to get the cliche wind blown hair during the guitar solo. Obviously I was having fun with the song. But this fun was in a certain context; I thought it would die out. I thought this song would be a six week fad, like Paris Hilton's musical endeavor, or any Paris Hilton endeavor for that matter. But I was sadly mistaken.

This song was everywhere, at everytime of the day. Almost all radio stations (besides the country stations, this is crucial for the next blog) played this song. If you were listening to one station and it was on, you could press the seek button and it would be on the next station. It reminded me of Nickelback's "How You Remind Me", that came out in the summer of 2001. At first it was good, it kind of reminded me of 'good ole rock n roll' (I can't believe I reduced myself to saying that). But then it was everywhere, and you couldn't get away from it. It was like a stalker that wasn't secretive. Now Nickelback is the biggest rock band in the world, which is where Hinder will be in six years, unless God is merciful.

Unfortunately, this is considered the summer song of 2006, which is a problem for a few reasons, a) it will be acquainted with our generation and b) the song sucks...a lot. Now, I know there are many of you who don't think this is a problem, but it is, and I'll tell you why:

It sucks, but for a few reasons.

Reason 1: By no means is it innovative. Aerosmith was using the exact same type of ballad back in 1978, and it sucked back then (this is weird because Hinder toured with Aerosmith and Nickelback, I guess shitty bands think alike). When I listen to the song, I hear Guns n' Roses' "Sweet Child o' Mine." Literally everything about it is the same, from the shitty voice, to the shitty guitar solo, to the shitty video. So, they aren't anything new.

Reason 2: The voice. Whoever the fuck this guy is, his voice sucks, really sucks. He is just another Eddie Vedder rip-off, but there is a very distinct difference between the two, Vedder is good. This guy literally sounds like he is constipated. I kinda feel bad for him. It must hurt.

Reason 3: A decade from now, if we hear this song, we will not turn it up, and roll down the windows. This will not be another "Semi-Charmed Life" by Third Eye Blind, it will be another "Breakfast at Tiffany's" by Deep Blue Something. No one will like it, unless music sucks even worse then.

Reason 4: This guy is an asshole. While he's having sex with Miss Bulimia in the panties, he's thinking of his ex-girlfriend in a bikini on the beach. Mikey and myself are the only people who realize how significant this is. What I don't understand is this: It seems that this has been going on for a while, so wouldn't his current girlfriend hear him say his ex-girlfriend's name while sleeping, or find past letters? Or is she just stunned at the idea of dating a guy in a band? They are obviously in a dysfunctional relationship if he doesn't love her and she is using him. I apologize for actually thinking about the lyrics and breaking them down instead of assuming that this is a sweet song because he compares his ex-girlfriend to an celestial being, that is, by traditional standards, an asexual being, meaning that he cannot be attracted to it, unless he's a sick son-of-a-bitch. 

Conclusion: It isn't innovative. The voice blows. It won't be nostalgic. He's an asshole. It sucks. Period.