Loads of scientific theories have catchy titles: "Big Bang" is alliterative, as is Chomsky's "Principles and Parameters". "Red Shift" has a sort of poetic spondaity to it. There's also the "Nature/Nurture" debate, and the brilliantly metaphorical "Ockham's Razor".
Obviously they've started with the title and worked backwards.
My theory is called VelociRapture theory: clearly the dinosaurs were not wiped out by a large-ish meteor as all the evidence suggests, but in fact ascended to heaven during the second coming of Raptor Jesus (pictured).
Well, the righteous ones were at least. The sinful ones were obviously cast into an eternal pit of fire.
What I'm doing here is basing a theory about the most mysterious and important natural event of our planet's history on a near-witty pun I could have come up with during a wank.
I left Sainsbury's the other day and tripped over while crossing the street. Shopping everywhere, eggs broken, hand grazed, the whole deal. I heard a man say "Eh?"
It took me a while to realise what he meant. At first I had naturally assumed that he wanted to know if I was okay, having just fallen over and spilled food everywhere. He looked angry though. I said something like "It's okay, I'm fine" before i realised what was going on.
My initial reaction was either something to do with my optimistic everybody-get-along-in-harmony weltanschauung, or more likely my arrogant self interest. What the man actually meant by "Eh?" was that he wanted me to repeat or clarify what I had just said: at this point I realised I had said "fuck" quite loudly when falling over. On closer inspection, I saw the man had his infant daughter with him.
We both backed off, bewildered. There was no exchange of ideas. That was probably for the best. On reflection, I think the man was probably more like me than I had realised: we both reacted rashly, I shouted "fuck", now I come to think of it, really quite loudly, and he was quick to pick me up on it, whether volutarily or not. I have no problem with swear words, but I agree that they're not appropriate when used around children. I like to think that he hadn't realised I had fallen, and that he modified his opinion on the aptness of my expletive when he realised that I was in pain. I have no real resentment towards his snap judgment, he was just looking after his child.
More importantly, he was quick to back down, and too timid to pursue me, as was I to him. Immediately afterwards, I wanted to tell him I thought he was wrong to pick me up on such a trivial matter when I was clearly in a vulnerable state, but I didn't, and he didn't say any more to me, although it was clear that he knew I had misunderstood his query.
We even made eye contact for a split second, both in a state of slight bewilderment, and it was a very real, very immediate and very human connection. Those don't happen very often in London.
On a less poignant but equally awesome note, I have my first real paid gig coming up. I'd invite you, but I'm terrified of strangers from the Internet. Sorry. I only mention it because its nice that its a step towards my dream of someday making my money from music, the thing I love most.