Yngwie Johann Malmsteen(congealed by Swedish crack chemists as Lars Johan Yngve Lannerbäck on June 30, 1963 in Stockholm, Sweden) invented Neo-classical metal. This is the story as I see it behind the entire thing. As a cocaine addicted infant, Yngwie stole a guitar in hopes of gaining coke money for it. But before he reached the pawn shop, he saw a news special on the death of Jimi Hendrix. Little Malmsteen had never seen a specticle this great since he watched 2 fat kids fight over a piece of cake. Yngwie simply couldn't resist this phenominon that was playing on the television before his face. Yngwie began the great phase of learning. He progessed fast, unlike us normal people, where we suck for months and months. Yngwie established dominance before age 10. When he was 14 Yngwie embarassed classical players of high stature. Throughout the 80's Yngwie put out amazing albums such as, Rising Force, Marching Out, and many others.
Then, according the online genious that is Wikipedia, "In 1987, another singer, former Rainbow vocalist Joe Lynn Turner joined his band. That year, Malmsteen was in a serious car accident, smashing his Jaguar XKE into a tree and putting him in a coma for a week. Nerve damage to his right hand was reported. During his time in the hospital, Malmsteen's mother died from cancer. In the summer of 1988 he released his fourth album, Odyssey. Odyssey would be his biggest hit album, mainly because of its first single "Heaven Tonight"." Way to go Yngwie. But this didn't slow him down. Malmsteen just grew a third leg so he could kick more ass. A mutaion in the morphine and the nerve damage gave him brilliant picking abilities. As a matter of fact, this is probably one the reasons why he kicks so much ass.
Then, 5 years later Yngwie gets into some shit AGAIN. Wikipedia says, "In 1993, Malmsteen's mother-in-law, who was opposed to his engagement with her daughter, had him arrested for threatening her with a shotgun and holding her daughter against her will. The charges against Malmsteen were dropped when he denied the incident."
Yngwie plays the wackest shit ever. His axe of choice is an ever-so-appealing piss yellow strat. Although I can't really blame him, all they had around back then was Stratocasters and Gibsons. He uses DiMarzio HS-3 bridge, and signature YJM pickups in the middle and neck positions with the mid pickup disconnected and the tone knob disconnected. Now Yngwie is married to some April broad and has a son named Antonio after Antonio Vivaldi, the respected classical musician. There is an expected release of Yngwie's unnamed album featuring Tim 'Ripper' Owens, the badass that replaced the fag in Judas Priest.
As you can see, Yngwie is the greatest that ever lived. We don't only love him for his incredible genious on guitar, but for the hilarious antics that he imposes on the world. The drunken rants about Doughnuts and gays. The random screaming in people's faces. The late night lesssons with team and booze. We can't forget the amusing facial expressions that can be seen in EVERY video ever taken of him.
Apearantly Sam Ash is having an anniversary with Yngwie. They wrote a very kind, buy-this-shit advertisement that is way to nice for Yngwie. Unless he somehow lost the itch to be a dick to everybody.
How he ever got married is beyond me. I wonder what his kid is like.... But that is beside the point. Yngwie is God, plain and simple. Goodnight.
Do i believe that America needs help? Are the gas prices too high, and its a preventable cause? YES!!!!!! That idiotic redneck we call President George W. Bush is tearing this country apart.The main reason that gas is skyrocketing and average 2.7 cents per galon per day, is that Bush is desperately trying to make money before he hits the road in November. He is only paying some 110 dollars a barrel just to keep his little sand-nigger homies in business becuase he knows for damn sure a half-intelligent president will realize the blastfamy of the situation and do 1 of 2 things: He will just take total control of the oil business, or 2, demand that the prices come down, and start an international boycott that will send the supply over the demand 400%. This will create such a steep rise in supply, that gas will plummet to a mere 67 cents a galon. Or, we could just go into a complete state of retreat, and then completely wipe the existance of man out of the the country.
This is where the topic changes.
There isnt even any reason to be in Iraq. The people that were on the planes that killed 3,000 Americans were SAUDI ARABIAN and AFGAN. Not Iraqis. So the only reason Bush went after Sadam Hussein, is that Hussein was cutting into the Saudi's oil business. Then one of the Bin Laden brother's calls up his business partner, Bush, and says "Hey man, this fucking towel head is stealing our business. Use your over budgeted army to set this punk straight." You know what happens a weeks later? Bam! Invasion of Iraq. I can remember the news headlines. They said, "Are we doing the right thing? Is this what we want? You know what the American people said? "Hell yea! Some asshole just killed 3,000 of us. Lets kick some ass!!!" Unfortunately, we kicked the wrong ass, and now our children will have pay with inflation, depressions, most likely civil wars and riots.
I don't understand what it is, who needs a rythym gutarist? When your position in the band can be replaced by a $45 metal box, you have failed. In the order of getting laid after a show, the order goes:
Singer
Lead guitar
Drummer
Bassist
Keyboardist
Sound guy
Roadie
Sound Guy Assistant
Rythym guitar
See what I am saying? Due to my burnout, ass-whooping uncle I have been around the music industry for a long time. And in this time, I have learned how this stuff works. Rythym guitarists, used to be good and usefull, becuase they would just shut up and do what they are told. There also was a lack in the technology. But with today's wonderful technology and prices, they have been replaced by a shiny metal box that has multiple traits that are desireable in a rythym guitarist:
It doesn't bitch about the lack of importance.
It does what you want, when you want.
Low mantinence.
Costs nothing to take from show to show.
Only require a few batteries or 9.5v AC adapter to function.
Cool buttons to push.
3 assorted colors.
Now there are many that will disagree with me becuase they feel its important to have that "human" aspect in their band. But just remember, when its payday, you dont gotta pay a loop pedal...
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MalmsteenIsGOD's blogs, last updated : May 10, 2008
He uses DiMarzio HS-3 bridge, and signature YJM pickups in the middle and neck positions with the mid pickup disconnected and the tone knob disconnected. Now Yngwie is married to some April broad and has a son named Antonio after Antonio Vivaldi, the respected classical musician. There is an expected release of Yngwie's unnamed album featuring Tim 'Ripper' Owens, the badass that replaced the fag in Judas Priest.
