I've seen the sky break. I've seen the world fall away until you're standing on dust and air in layers. I've known that failings are human, and humans are failings, but that doesn't make it any easier to bare. Self-inflicted scars and dreams of things that fall to ash at the first sign of the oncoming storm. When all lies are exposed and when the things you treasure grow old and decay. Trust is a lie, all perception is blind. Sunglasses for the soul as we stare at the world. Biased, filtered, and selected for fault, we perceive what we want and want what we can't perceive. If I cut your tongue, would you bleed black and white? If I broke your mirror, would your face turn to soot? If I carved out your face, would your image remain, as foundation and mascara and faded lines of caring. I'd crush this fucking world for one last chance at hope. I'd break this fucking silence, if my words would mean more than the echoes they create. I'd tear the fucking clouds from the sky if it would bring this circle to it's end, instead of watching this endless cycle eat it's tail again and again and again. I never know when to shut my mouth, until someone sews my lips. I never know when to turn away, until someone turns the other cheek. I never know why I listen, until I need to hear myself. I would never tear your world to pieces, if you didn't hand it to me. I'd never smash this porcelain, if you'd remove the plinth that keeps it stable. But you don't, you leave it where the children run. Where the floor is tiled, where the lights are dim. You complain when you hear it shatter, but never mind, you've always got another. A hallway is just a meeting place for doorways. What lies behind is not it's fault. So many people take the easy route out, to bitch, and run, and scream and lie. To commit suicide and leave it all behind. I'd follow their example, but following trends is so last year. Copycat killers are never convicted, only the idea is executed. Human beings are capable of so much, yet we accomplish so little, and still we claim to be the most we are. Some of us are all of us and none of us are whole. Half selves claim dominion over wholes and holes are filled with halves.
I'd break myself in half, if I thought it would make a difference. But then there'd just be two people wasting space, and who the fuck needs that?
Well, it has been a while since I updated, and since I deleted all my old blogs for reasons to be explained, I' figured I might as well update properly. So. Last few months have been interesting to say the least. I'll stay with the big things.
In March, my girlfriend, Alex, and I decided to go our seperate ways. I will not go into it. I never want to talk to, about, with, or near her ever again. That is all. Do not say to me "DO YOU MISS HER?" because you are no doubt ignorant to the true nature of said relationship, and I will be forced to yell at you, increasing the risk of our friendship becoming strained and I've already had to sever enough ties for one year.
Ahem. My current band(s) is/are going great. Aeternitas are currently taking a few months off while we record (EP is being recorded in May, should be out WITHIN 6 months). We will return to the live front in July, with a whole new set list, opening for some bands we truly respect and admire. My secondary band, Grinding Teeth Like Gears, has just started closing in together. A full lineup is almost complete, and the first demo is up. Please feel free to add and/or listen to them at;
Now, what else to say... I've begun collecting vinyl records. I'm not sure why, but I think it's more the nature of owning a proper "collection." CDs are great, but they don't exactly increase in value, and neither do they look all that cool when you're showing off. So yes, in essence, I'm a complete wanker, but hey, at least my vinyl collection is awesome. INDEED.
I have begun work at Target. I'm doing casual hours. Registers are no where near as bad as people will have you believe and so far only 3 people have died (I'm kidding. They lived... I think). Floor work is as dull as a lecture on the history of lint but at least you don't have to really do much. Money is money, as they say.
I've begun to realise how much humans truly do suck though. Like, humans have always sucked, but now it's just getting to a point where even Jesus, in all his compassion and forgiveness would turn around and say "Ok, look, seriously, if you do that again, I'm turning this car around."
What compels us to be such total fuckwits? Why do we have this overwhelming urge to draw attention to ourselves and then complain when we're the centre of attention? Why do we use flimsy excuses to worm our way out of responsibility? Why do we lie when the backs of those who took care of us are turned? Why am I just as bad and still complaining?
We all see the world in tinted glasses. But fuck the view can be boring.
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Magero's blogs, last updated : April 28, 2009
