Exactly what the title says..what is the point anymore. Being shit and somethings is one thing..when your told everyday your shit at everything by someone you admire and love so much at some point you have to ask yourself..whats the point?
yeh alrite comparing yourself to other people is bad when you always see yourself as worse...not as good...but what really pissess me off is the lack of motivation I feel. I cannot be fucked to do anything..play guitar...revise...even sit and do nothing...I feel completely empty. Only thing that brings me joy at the moment is my team Derby County beating Man United...thats the only thing to put a proper, meaningful smile on my face.
The girl I love and care about so dearly uses me for comfort...for fun..for errands..for basically everything..and what do I get in return..Put downs...feeling this is all for nothing...The shitness I'll feel when she "replaces" me eventually..cus as she says...im crap at everything. If so why does she still use me? I've been called alot of things...a mug..weak..defenseless..unable just to say FUCK YOU and move on. My problem: I'm too nice. I haven't the heart to be proper mean to someone, to scream at them or to say anything that I know will deeply hurt them. Other people whoever have absolutly no problem doing those things to me which I find disturbing. Dont mean to get all biblical here but doesnt the bible basically say dont do to others what you wouldnt want done to yourself. I wish people would take that line of thought and put it into practice.
I think the biggest regret I have right now is that I didn't move out and ive let myself become too close to her again to the point where if she does find someone new..it will break me again...Being out of this house would of been a completely fresh start. I know I couldnt of avoided her and I would of seen her around..but I could of tried..One pubs already off my drinking list..(its friggin expensive anyway soo good riddence) just so I dnt have to see her.
I can't even go out with my own friends without the possiblity of her being there...Can't even go to lectures without her being brought up....can't even go home with her being mentioned...Its like there is no where to hide...no where to stay out the way and just let things move on...cus tbh thats what I would want at the moment. Just to hide away where noone can find me..out of contact of everybody.
Thankfully there is a small silver lining...Going home this weekend to watch derby county...so I have 90 minutes of pure freedom from thoughts of her...which i shall cheerish. This break cannot come quick enough.
I think a lot of people have been where you are now believe it or not. A crossroads with someone or something. These times are very tough because making the right decisions seem almost unbearable. Sounds extremely difficult in your case because you seem to have a lot going on right now. I am sure you are not terrible at everything and don't let people make you believe that. If this girl whom you love gives you such bad feelings it may be time to think about your options. Does she know you feel this way? Maybe she feels this way too and you don't know? If you care about her you must communicate. That's key to any relationship. I don't mean to be long winded or sound like I am a shrink or anything. Just do your best to look at a given situation and take it all in. Don't think being too nice is a problem either. Actually it is nice to know that you have morals that you will fight for. Good Luck.
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Whats the point blog
