A week ago, I promised myself I would try and not let my fucking depression control my sleeping, and how I feel at night, for the whole week. Well, I almost did it, but last night and tonight I've been a mess.
I can't shake the feelings of loneliness and despair. I just feel so alone, and as much as people try to relate to me, I remain alienated and ultimately, alone. Don't get me wrong, I make friends really easy. But lately, it just seems that I couldn't give a fuck about making friends, yet I am... I guess in need of someone who I can truly relate to who is my age. I can't be the only fucking genuinely depressed Victorian teenager. There's no way. Good luck fucking trying to find one though.
There's another thing that's fucking with my head lately too. Everyone I know at the minute is in a serious relationship, and in love and all that shit. I've only ever been in love once, and yeah, alright, it was fucking amazing. But lately, I dunno...
I can't stand feeling this way, fucking going through hell without anyone else helping me. I don't fucking like the person this is turning me into. In fact, at this very minute, there is only one person who I truly hate, and that person is me. I am getting to the stage where I don't know how to function without being in a rage, or being sad and dead inside. I was told today that I'm emotionally stunted... And I just laughed. I'm a cunt too EVERYBODY, even the people I love.
If you're reading this, and don't understand what is going on, I've been on anti depressants for close too six weeks now. they are definitely working, but lately I'm slipping back into old habits. I'm a creature of the night, but at night, I become a different person. And I don't fucking like it.
I dunno, I guess I'm really just in the mood to talk and forget about all this shit. If you're reading this, send me a pm or comment me. or tell me to get fucked, whatever you feel like. I really couldn't give a fuck now at all
nah, i'm not going to... been at that stage, didn't act on it, and i'm glad i didn't.
it does sound like it from this blog though doesn't it? oh well, ive accepted this is my life, so fuck it. I'm not gunna kill myself though
I can't really help you although I want to. I just don't know how to make you feel better. You're in a tough situation. The only advice I'd give to you is to change your ways of thinking through mind and head, start your mind from scratch and become a new mind. It's as easy as I've said it. Trust me, I know from experience.
Sometimes a small click in your thinking can change everything.
And if suicide thoughts spring back into your mind, neglect it, do NOT even think about committing suicide because you still got more than 40 years ahead of your life. It's a shame to lose 40 years of possible life change. We only have 1 chance to live our life.
I agree with Lloyd. All you can do is change your thinking... if you haven't yet had CBT then I suggest going to a therapist for it, immerse yourself with positive affirmations and quotes- especially before bed. Collect a bunch you like and read them every night before bed.
Try hard to forget the things that are keeping you awake- if you can't then just try to concentrate on your breathing, then distract your mind with nice things or even music on the radio. Good luck man, I know nights can be hard.
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